The BM is quite possibly one of the nastiest people I've met in a long time. Recently she squandered her monthly income of $2,300. She's close to being evicted from the house she rents; she has had the utilities turned off, and apparently only has $70 in the bank. My husband and I have franticly tried to figure out where she stashed the children. She would not return our phone calls, emails, or text messages.

So yesterday, I had to be in the town where they live and I came up with the brilliant idea of seeing if she'd let me take the kiddos out for dinner. Well BM suggested that we take them this weekend too. Honestly, as much as I love the kids I didn't want them this weekend. Due to health problems I've gotten a bit behind in work and needed to use the weekend to catch up. However, there safety and well being are more important to me so I told my husband I would take them. I waited in the parking lot for her to either return my phone call or a text message telling me where the children were for almost 55 minutes. I was FUMING by this point that she had such little regard for my time when I was doing her a favor. So I left a message for her stating that she would not return my calls that I was going to head back home (an hour and a half away).

Literally, five minutes after I pulled in my driveway, she starts calling, and calling, and calling. All total, I believe she called six times. Seeing as though she ALWAYS refuses to answer even simple questions that I have, like do the kids have swimsuits for this year, etc., I decided to continue on with my phone conversation and ignore her. (Turns out that someone had beaten me to the punch and called CPS on her. So she became more than willing to allow us to get the kids at that point. She could not provide a fit environment for her children.)

Well my rational side kicked in and I realized that I had to put the children before my utter disgust for this woman. (In reality she's more of a glorified prostitute.) Anyway, I'll digress on that point. I finally called her back. It was easy to tell how much she HATED having to talk to me, which secretly amused me to no end. My husband was in the middle of a crisis at his job and I guess told her that if she wanted help she was going to have to grow-up and talk to me.

Well she told me I could go ahead and get the kids. I said, in an almost eerie level and cold voice, "apparently you didn't understand your voicemail, I told you that since you didn't have the courtesy to return my phone calls or text messages I was going home." She gave me some stupid excuse about having to talk to a social worker for 2 hours, but during those two hours she was more than able to make time to call my husband. I told her that if she wanted me to watch the children she was going to have to drive down here to drop them off. I knew full well she couldn't afford the gas money there and back, but I needed to make a point.

You see for over a year now, this lady (and I use the term loosely) has only been nice to me if she wants something. She also bad-mouthed me to the children. Tried to tell my husband and I how we were going to discipline the kids when they were with us and the drama goes on and on. If she doesn't want something from me she walks into MY home glaring at me, walking around as though she owns the place, and bad mouthing me to the children. And yes it is MY home; I had it before I ever got married. Anyway, her recent kick has been that she will not talk to "that woman." Well I was RELIEVED! I hated talking to her. I found her to be stupid and irritating. However, when I had questions regarding the children it was really aggravating and annoying when she wouldn't even answer a text question. An example would be she would pack medications and not send instructions on when to give it to the kids. MOST of the time she will answer my husband, but sometimes he has to work weekends and isn't always able to be the only contact.

So on with the story. She goes into how she can't afford to drive the children down to us because she's going through a lot of stuff right now. I told her that I was incredibly busy as well and that I was in town and it wasn't my fault she didn't take the time to answer her phone. She finally said, I REALLY need you to get them this weekend. So I FINALLY had the chance I've been patiently waiting for since she started back up with all of her shenanigans. I told her that from now on if she expected me to do favors for her now or in the future that she was going to start following some rules and abiding by some boundaries. I told her that she would start treating me with the same courtesy and respect that I treat her with. Since she truly is more ignorant than a guinea pig, I told her that meant when she came in my house the looks were going to stop, she was not going to walk around my house, and she was not going to bad mouth me to the children anymore. I further explained that I do not talk negatively about her to the children, nor do I treat her with any disrespect so she would start offering me the same courtesy.

Second, I told her that if I had a question regarding the children she would answer my question in full within 24 hours or less and if their father or I wanted to talk to them she was going to answer her phone and give it to the children.

Third, I told her that she was going to learn her place in this relationship. I told her that I was the wife and she was the EX-wife. I explained that this meant it was inappropriate for her to continue to try and put strife in our marriage. I also explained that she was no longer allowed to send ANY text message, emails, or make phone calls that talked about her feelings towards my husband and her regret for divorcing him. I told her that her communication would consist solely of reports regarding the children. I reminded her it was her choice to leave my husband for another woman that I was not in his life until years after the divorce was finalized.

I kind-of creeped myself out, by how calmly and coolly I said all this to her. Of course she started to argue and said she didn't have to listen to my crap and how she had issues she was dealing with, etc. etc. (Her issue is she blew all her money, CPS is involved, and she caught her boyfriend cheating on her. Now before you feel any sympathy towards this woman you need to know that she hooked up with him when she was still living with the woman she left my husband for and this was a married man. His wife divorced him, and then she left the woman thinking that she was going to get him -- he makes A LOT of money and her eyes were flashing. Well dum-dum didn't consider the fact that if he would cheat on his wife with her that he would have no problem cheating on her wouldn't be a problem either!)

So after she took a breath I said, that's fine, I'll get the kids on our next scheduled weekend. (I knew she'd stop me -- I'm not heartless enough to leave them with this disgrace of a mother.) So she said, "Wait!" I said, "I'm listening."

She said, well I'm not going to tell you what's going on in my life. To which I responded, "That's fine, I'm not trying to become your friend and I don't care if you like me. My only point is that for the sake of the children you will learn to behave civilly since they do not need the added stress in their lives of having to feel like they have to choose sides."

She then decides to get crappy with me again -- I swear the woman only had two brain cells to rub together and one of them floats off and forgets to help the other brain cell out! I finally couldn't take it anymore and retorted with the same eerily calm voice, (The following was how the conversation went.)

Me: "Let me ask you this; did your dog that you've had for 17 years die this week?"

Her: Snottily, "No"

Me: "Have you suddenly had to face your own mortality this week?"

Her: Still snotty, "No"

Me: "Are you waiting to hear back from the doctors to know if you have cancer?"

Her: Still snotty, "No"

Me: "Did you find out that you have to have 2 major surgeries in the near future?"

Her: Still snotty, "No"

Me: "Did you find out this morning that one of your very close friends died?"

Her: Still snotty, "No"

Me: "Well, that's what my week has been like, those are the stressors that I'm dealing with, and unlike you I didn't just decide to take off work and ignore my responsibilities. Instead I tried to take your children out to dinner, I was even willing to bring them into my home and care for them since you do not find putting a roof over their head and paying the utilities a priority."

I then told her that my husband had told me what all of her stressful situation were and I told her that she had no one to blame but herself. It was from not paying her bills that she got into this mess. The fact that she was no longer married to my husband was her choice and I reminded her that all of the things that are happening to me were of no fault of my own.

She became a little quiet at this point -- not from realizing that I was making a point, but because she was seething with anger. I then said, "Now is the point where you have to make a choice. Are you willing to abide by my rules and boundaries for the next 15 years? If you are, I will continue to offer you help with the children. If you are not, do not expect me to do any favors for you now or in the future."

By this point she was behaving more like a teenager that realized they weren't going to win with their parents and said, "Fine".

I told her that if she failed to follow ANY of my rules or boundaries that this would be the last favor she received from either my husband or me. I also told her that if she decided to stab me in the back one more time that she would find out just how serious I am concerning this.

So I said, "For the record, do we have an agreement?"

She said yes.

Later that night my husband called her to demand to know where the children were and she willingly told him and she was not argumentative like she always is etc. etc. After he got off the phone with her he called me and said, "What in the world did you say to her?" I laughed and said, “nothing you shouldn't have said two years ago.” Last night he was mortified and was sure that I was just stirring up more trouble, but by this morning, he thought that it was actually about time that all of this was said, and he agreed to firmly stick to these rules and boundaries. We'll see how tomorrow goes when I go to pick up the kids.