New and lost
I am not only new to the step parent thing..but new to blogging. I guess I am just so overwhelmed that I need somewhere to vent. My SO got full custody of his 2 kids about 5 months ago, we live in North Carolina and his kids use to live in California with their BM. Their BM has anger managment issues as well as substance abuse issues. The kids have been through a lot. It has been an adjustment for everyone.
The youngest is 6 and he adjusted very well. Teachers come up to us and say how his attitude and behaivoir has improved compared to when he first came to school, he went from below grade level in all his kindergarten subjects to on grade level, he came here not knowing any sight words to knowing 60, jumped 3 reading levels, he can now add and subtract. He is making friends and overall he seems very happy.
The oldest is 8 and she has been struggling, she lies, manipulates, shes failing in school, getting suspended from the bus for bitting other kids, talking back to us and her teachers, she has no respect, she does everything in her power to get under our skin. It is to the point where I sometimes hate being home, I hate being around her. My SO and I argue about whats the best way to dicipline her constantly. we do not know what to do to help her or fix her. Just when you think you are getting somewhere with her, a letter gets sent home or another failed pack of grades, or she starts her attitude back up. She says what she knows what we want to hear to get her way. All I keep thinking is if we do not get this under control when she is older this is going to be a living nightmare. and one that I know I can not handle.
I love all 3 of them, it is just very stressful. If anyone has any advice on how to handle the situation with the oldest child please comment.
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Going to be a long hard road
This kid needs Professional help. Someone with a MD at the end of there name. To guide you through it.
You are right in if you do not do something NOW it’s only going to get worst as they get older. You also may have to face the fact that BM May have physiological problems herself and may of passed it on to her kids. If so there may be no fixing SD. Your SO does not sees tobe helping to fix the problem?
Yes, get SD some mental
Yes, get SD some mental health treatment. A good therapist will also help you guys with parenting strategies. Who knows what this little girl went through at BM's, and what sort of issues she inherited and/or learned from BM.
I do think, though, that it should be SO's choice how she's disciplined, and you support him - unless his form of discipline is to bribe with cookies or something to that effect, in which case you stay out entirely.
First of all, I am so sorry
First of all, I am so sorry and you are not alone! Being a step parent is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It challenges every aspect of yourself and your marriage. I highly recommend counseling for the oldest child, but also maybe counseling for you and your husband so that you can openly express yourselves and be on the same page. Your feelings toward the oldest child will not always be the same, and that’s OK, but you do have to understand each other to make it out the other side. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
They Will Understand Eventually
Your SD is acting out and I totally understand that! I agree with a therapist or maybe somone else that has been through what she has. The divorced life.
Some advice I have for you specifically is that your Step Daughter will understand eventually. It may take her some time but she will get that this was the best thing to happen to her, you and your SO getting custody. She will get better and in time come around. But she is feeling a bunch of emotions right now. She will be very thankful that yall pulled her out of that situation with her BIOMOM. Good Luck, drink some wine and relax in the tub. We as step moms need to relax a little.