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Argument with stepson. Feeling so guilty.

Nickys's picture

Submitted by Nickys on Thu, 04/01/2021 - 3:59am

Hi everyone 

 

New to this site. New to step parenting. 

Really stressed right now. Had a massive argument with my step son. Lost my temper because he was being really really horrid to his mum, grandma and dad. 

I'm normally really calm but this had been going on for 6 hours.

I now feel really guilty. Beating myself up big time. Feel like I've failed and damaged my relationship with him and maybe his relationship with dad (hes not fallen out with dad)

 

Plus his mum then called me and shouted a load of abuse down the phone to me. She doesn't care that I was trying to defend her and her mum. 

Now I'm just really low and teary. I know it wasnt my place to shout at him, but I'm only human. 

 

Does anyone else have experience with a situation like this?

Xx

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 04/01/2021 - 4:24am

I'd start by blocking her number(s). She has no reason to call you and you don't have to listen to her abuse. IF she has something to say, she can say it to your SO.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 04/01/2021 - 7:13am

I personally will not stand by and watch any parent be berated by their child. I have spoken to kids that weren't mine in a grocery store. Hell, one of my first weeks at work one of the owner's son stopped by (I think he was about 5) and the mouth on him! I got out of my chair and said immediately told him that he WILL not speak to his mother that way. Apologize now! She was taken aback, but it was like a reflex. My kids would have gotten backhanded if they ever spoke to me like that! (I don't actually hit my kids, they were raised better than to need it). 6 years later when their son is around and starts getting mouthy he looks at me, I cock an eyebrow and he fixes his tone. 

On to BM- You don't have to answer her calls. Ever. Block, ignore, delete- If she has a problem with what was said 1) she can address it with your husband. 2) It shows her lack of parental control that someone else had to step in because the kid was being such an a$$$. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Thu, 04/01/2021 - 8:24am

I'm assuming this was the 15 year old who was out of line? Unless you were calling him names, there's nothing wrong with calling him out on his behavior, even if you were loud doing it. My question is why your SO didn't tell his son to stop and that enough was enough?

Also, sounds like BM either alienated him from Dad or your SS has always been a handful and "punishes" people by ignoring them when he doesn't like what they have to say. It seems like he was 11/12 when he stopped seeing/talking to his dad. Why didn't Dad step in then?

Honestly, based on just the framework of this dynamic, you telling a teenager to cut the crap isn't the worst offense here. Either BM alienated SS or your SO is too much of a Disney Dad to stand up for himself and for his son. 6 HOURS of berating his family?! My SSs can get about 2 sentences out of their mouths being trolls and either DH or I am calling them on it. YSS has been the only one to well and truly be rude to me, and the one time he did it (and doubled down on it), DH made his life miserable for the rest of the visit. He's a polite kid now.