Not sure what to feel
Last night was kee-razy!
My sd threatened to find someone to come and shoot me because she hates me so much.
Wow!
I know that things are deeper than that because who would threaten to kill anybody over a missed chore.
My bs heard this and became angry knocking things over in the house because he wanted to hurt her. Her dad ended up smacking her in the mouth because she started to smartmouth him. She left the house last night and never came back. She is only 14 yo! Everyone in the house had some peace because she has been tormenting everyone with threats of violence and violating boundaries, manipulation and con-games. She got straight F's last semester and still doesn't do homework. We made dinner and cake and watched American Idol and had fun without complaints about the food or put-downs and threats, or fake smiles and manipulation.
My sadness comes here:
She's just called and her dad will pick her up after he finishes school. I don't want her to come home. I truly don't want her to ever come home. I have a younger daughter and I don't think that I will feel this way. The last time that she ran away, it was after cursing me out and when I tried to restrain her and send her to her room, she hit me in my eye and called me every name in the book. He went and picked her up and I never got an apology for the disrespect.
I am afraid that if she comes home, I may need to be mature and dishonest and accept an apology when I truly dislike her. I don't want to accept her apology, I want her to get lost on the way home.
I feel like such a terrible person and I'll just pray for help in dealing with this. I would like to leave to avoid feeling these feelings of anticipation.
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Comments
Chin Up!
This is a horrible situation, but YOU should not be disciplining this girl. It's time for your DH to step to the plate. She absolutely shoudl appologize and more than that.. some serious ground rules need to be set down IN WRITING for her to sign and agree to, in order for her to be allowed back into your household. Nothing less than full respect will be allowed. She's allowed to disagree with any given individual in the house, she is not allowed to threaten.. she is not allowed to hit.. she is not allowed to disrespect in manner or tone.
If she's unable to live by these rules, then she won't be allowed to enter your house. No one should be afraid in their house. No one shoudl be afraid of their kids. And since she's DH's child, he needs to handle this once and for all.
Stepup
Thanks
I just spoke with DH and it seems that she has been calling relatives who know me and trying to get them to side against me. It ain't working so that is why she called to come home. My husband has said that I should only communicate with her through him and only him. If he's not home than through one of her siblings. I don't want to live like that. I don't trust that she will have consequences. I need to release the idea that I am a parent to her and accept the fact that I am just a meal ticket and cash register. The house has become tense again knowing that she will be coming home.
The writing thing isn't a good idea right now because I would have know what to do if she doesn'f follow through because he is never going to send her away because he thinks that no matter what, his child should be home with him. It would not be a sincere apology either and I just would rather not even talk to her.
She needs special help and maybe a special home. She has no ability to communicate without manipulation. I am afraid for her future but more afraid for my sanity while she is here.
Thank you so much for your support.
Hmmm...
What are you hoping for then? If you acknowledge that Dad won't send her away, what would you want the outcome to be? What "special" home would you like her to go to? What would you like Dad to do with her? about her?
Has anyone thought about
Has anyone thought about having her psychologically evaluated? She seems similar to a friend's daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Maybe a psychologist and some treatment could help...