I'm sorry about your rough childhood. That would affect the thinking of anyone. However you do have to try not to project your issues past and present onto your realationship. What do you mean by small lie? People lie. Noone is perfect. I think if someone lies and they apologize and you choose to forgive them then that is it. Issue squashed. Move on from it. Dont say you forgive someone if you dont, because your basically lying in return. If you cant get past it and let it go and move on and forward in your relationship then that is what you have to face. If you keep bringing it up and cant let go after you have agreed that it is a small lie/issue, then yes I would agree with him you need some help. You need to deal with your issues and have the things with your past not affect your day to day life and current relationships. Your FDH is not responsible for your past. He wasnt there for those events. He can empathize and understand what you have been through but he should not have to be perfect 100% of the time because of your history. He is still going to be a man, going to be human, and he is going to make mistakes and you are going to have to be able to deal with these life events as they occur in a rational way. If you cant then yes you need some help. Good luck!

Getting help could never hurt you. I had a rough time growing up to and talking to someone really helped. He shouldn't have lied to you but you getting help is good for you. He doesn't matter, your mental health does. I was the child who hid bruises, broken ribs, and what happened to me at night when the lights went out. Keeping it inside let my father win long after we left him and I never saw him again, I needed someone seprete from me and the situation to talk to and to tell me none of it was my fault and holding in the anger was just hurting me. Its not suprising you have trust issues, its part of growing up trying to protect yourself. But if your marriage is going to work you have to trust him.

Because he is human? He makes mistakes just like all of us.

When my ex left me out of the blue I found it very hard to trust anyone. Why should I? The one person I trusted the most betrayed me and our children in a way that flpped my world on end. I trusted no one and often looked for reasons not to trust people. But in time I had to let go my mistrust and rtealise everyone makes mistakes or tells untruths or white lies to make things easier.

It may be prudent to see a counsellor. When my DH was divorcing he felt his feelings were way out of normal. HE saw a psychiatrist who assured him his feelings were perfectly normal.
Maybe a counsellor can tell you whether your feelings and thought processes are normal or not. And if not it is up to you to decide if you want to venture out into a new perspective which is scary iin itself or if you want to continue feeling safe where you are knowing it may damage every relationship you have.

None of that sounds like a small lie to me.

He's being an ass. Therapy might be just what you need to help you choose a better man next time. The abuse you lived through is terrible and without help you could get stuck in a bad pattern without even realizing it. He is essentially cheating, though. Not acceptable! to you or his "fist love". Let her have him! Yuck!

I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experiences. I too was abused (though not by family members thankfully) and it is very difficult to trust after you have been so horribly betrayed by the very people who were supposed to take care of you when you were young. Given what you've been through, it's understandable that you find your FDH lying to you unacceptable, even if it is about something small. From your perspective, trust in your relationship is essential and any kind of disrepect shown towards you is going to feel like a betrayal. This isn't your fault and is a result of so many years of being rejected, abused and being made to feel like you're worthless.

It's difficult to say what his motives are for saying you need help, but I think you need to ask yourself what your relationship is like generally - is he supportive and understanding of your past and the effects it has on you? Does he normally treat you properly, or has he lied to you or treated you badly before? Does he try to make you feel good about yourself and your achievements, or does he belittle them or show no interest? Do you feel that he often puts the blame on you for things and tries to avoid taking responsibility for his own behaviour? If you can work those things out, it may help you discover his motives.

He may be asking you to see your doctor because he's genuinely concerned about you and feels that you need help to come to terms with your past, or he may be using it as an excuse to avoid facing up to his own unacceptable behaviour. You can only ask for help when you're ready to do so, as going through therapy after abuse is very difficult, no matter how long ago it was. Only you can take the first steps to healing from your past and no one else can tell you it's time to get help, so don't let him put you under pressure if you're not ready. It might be worth seeing your doctor if you think you might be depressed, but again that's your decision and you shouldn't be pushed into it if you don't feel it's the right thing for you.

Healing from abuse is a long, hard process and you will always carry some scars from what those evil people did to you. I've had therapy on and off for the past five years and am much better now at coping with everything. The most valuable thing my brilliant counsellor taught me was that I wasn't to blame, as one of the most powerful beliefs many survivors have is that they were to blame and that they deserved it. I no longer feel that way and it's like a black cloud has lifted from my life 30 years after it all happened. I'm lucky that I have a lovely, supportive dh who has been with me every step of the way.

I really hope you can work things out and get the support you need from your FDH. Good luck.