Horrible start to the day already
SO and I drive to work together every day. Today he decides to be a jerk and I have no idea why.
It's 55 degrees out. To those of you up north, I know that is warm but to me it's chilly in FL. SO decides he wants to drive to work with the window down. For some reason every couple of days he wants to start this argument. I tell him it's too cold and I'm on my way to work. I don't want my hair to be blowing all around.
He gets pissed and starts up with everything has to be my way. I tell him that he has his own vehicle that he can drive if he MUST have the windows down. Because of course he can't take the huge jacket he has on off. He then ask for permission to the radio station because it's my car. Silly immature stuff.
He gives me the silent treatment all the way to work, then he refuses to kiss me when I drop him off. When I got to work I sent him this email.
Let me start by saying it's upsetting that at this point in our relationship we are still arguing about something as childish as having the window down. Especially when there is a simple solution.
Obviously, if having your window down while driving is important enough to you that you would refuse to kiss me or even speak to me, then the extra expense of driving your own vehicle every day, is well worth it to you.
I truly believe that we have enough negative things in our lives that we don't need to bring more negatively over something such as this.
As with most arguments between us, you may be thinking that you want to break up with me. And as with most arguments, I will say, "Do what you need to for yourself and your children." With that out of the way, I want also say that I love you and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
.....I hate that we have to argue about something so stupid. I feel sick right now because it always has to blow out of proportion and he threatens to break up with me. We can't just disagree and go on with our lives. It always has to be full of drama. I'm so tired. Tired of dealing with it all.
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Sorry if this is
Sorry if this is rambling...I'm really upset right now.
I agree and he replied to my
I agree and he replied to my email that he would drive his own vehicle. We will see what happens in the morning. I just sucks to start my day like this. Arguing for, IMO, nothing!
The threats to break up with
The threats to break up with you are emotional abuse/blackmail to get you to conform to what he wants. The underlying idea is "I have to do it x way or he will break up with me."
Bottom line, it's emotional abuse.
No man who truly loves a woman will threaten to end a relationship if he does not get his way.
I myself would tell him to get fucked and take his abusive behaviors with him.
However, I am a stranger on the outside so it is easy for me to say that.
You do however need to have a come to Jesus meeting with this man and tell him the next time he makes the threat, you will ensure it is fulfilled. You will happily pack his and his kids shit and they will be out the door, gone from your life, not even an image in the rear view mirror of memories, that you deserve BETTER than a partner who threatens your emotional well being anytime there is a minor disagreement.
We had a huge fight back in
We had a huge fight back in May, in part about him always threatening to break up with me. The summer was peaceful but he has recently started back with the threats. I tell him every time "Do what you have to do" I refuse to beg a man to stay with me. It just gets old hearing it.
It's a rental that we moved
It's a rental that we moved into as a couple about 3 years ago. About two years ago, we broke up and I moved out for 10 months. When I moved back in, it was with the promise that if it didn't work out, he would be that one to move. When I left my EX, I only had a blow up mattress and a lawn chair and had to purchase everything. I paid to move SO and I into the house we live in now, I paid to move, I paid to break my lease early and move back in with SO. I recently used the little I had left in saving to pay off a credit card. I don't want to break up with him over a stupid window. And he didn't say anything, Yet, about breaking up. But I seriously can't afford to move again.
cranial-rectal
cranial-rectal inversion.
((((hugs))))
i liked your email to him in response - what a polite way of telling him he's got his head up his ass. what a total douchetard.
This is the same sort of
This is the same sort of thing an ex of mine used to do. Yes, including the refusal to kiss me. He wanted out of the relationship but was too much of a wimp to make the move. He also would say he wanted to break up, but never followed through. So he constantly nitpicked, started fights, did things he knew I did not care for - all in the attempt to tick me off enough for ME to tell HIM it was over. That way, I would be the "bad guy" in the relationship because I broke up with him. Everyone would feel sympathy for him because I dumped him and he was just the poor helpless dumpee.
You don't need this negativity. He sounds like a passive-aggressive butthead. If something else is bothering him and he's not saying what that is, but taking it out on you... he needs therapy. IF therapy will do him any good. Your happiness, well-being, and sanity should be your priorities.
It's crazy. He had a argument
It's crazy. He had a argument on Friday about SKids and MLK day. Again, he talked about breaking up. The next day, he apologized and said that he doesn't want to live his life without me. It gets confusing.
Ninji, this is EXACTLY what
Ninji, this is EXACTLY what my ex would do. We'd have a fight, he'd say he was moving out (it was my house). The next day, I'd come home to flowers and him apologizing and saying he loved me and needed me, blah blah blah.
Of course my ex needed me. I worked full time, made sure all the bills were paid and paid on time, kept the house clean and organized, took care of the pets, did everything for his kids when they visited. I was a combination mom/housekeepper/chef/girlfriend. He didn't want to live without me because he had to do very little and he liked that.
I agree! Run! I'm sure this
I agree! Run!
I'm sure this isn't the only emotionally abusive thing he does either. He sounds just like my ex bf. He always "broke up" with me or threatened to. One day he called me while I was at work (where cell phones were banned) and when I told him I couldn't talk he said if I hung up we were over. I told him that I guess we are over then and hung up. He called later and acted like nothing happened and I said, "Oh no you broke up with me! We're over!" He couldn't believe I didn't budge when he protested. Best decision ever. He told everyone I broke his heart. I don't know why I stayed with him as long as I did.
Do you really think this relationship will end up with a happy marriage eventually? He won't change, you will just convince yourself it is normal. It is not.
My insecure young self would
My insecure young self would beg and plead with my then H whenever he threatened to leave. When I finally LEFT HIM, he tried everything within his power to have me come back to him.
Since then I've seen this pattern with other relationships and am convinced that when a man uses this tactic, HE is actually the one who is very insecure and doesn't want the relationship to end.