New SD
When my fiance and I first met, he was just coming out of a relationship. About three months after we became official, his ex tells him she is pregnant and he's the father. As time goes on, I support him and he performs his expecting fatherly duties such as helping pay for doctor's visit, painting the baby room, and many other things. One day they got into this huge argument where she ruins our new vehicle by throwing chili cheese fries in it and snatching his phone and slaming it to the ground (police were called) , and she and a couple other mention that he was not the true father. As time goes on she eventually completely ignored him and there was no contact between the two. Come to find out she quit her job and moved 7 hours away. So one when coming home from work an associate of his tells him congratulations on the new one. So obviously she had the baby and we were clueless. 5 days after the child is born she makes contact with him via picture mail and says, "Do you think she looks like you," what the hell is that. A couple of weeks went by and nothing else was heard. Through the grapevine system everyone was saying that she had multiple dudes that were potential father candidates So my fiance obtains a lawyer and forces her into a dna test. Low and behold he is the father. We have been in the court system for a year now trying to come to an agree. As the so called step mother I feel some type of way. This entire situation has caused me to develop a form of animosity that I have never experienced before. I don't want the child around, I can't stand for the mother to call, and every time she does it a bunch of nonsense. She say ignorant things like "oh if you can't pay me want I want the just sign over your rights, it's a shame that your daughter calling another man daddy, and things of such nature." Sometimes I want to grab the phone and give her a few choice words. This past weekend we had to drive all the way there. I had such a negative attitude, and I am normally not a negative person. It's like I don't want her around. Does this make me a terrible person, and do I need to re-evaluate my actions and feelings. My fiance and I argue all the time around this issue and it is causing tension in our relationship big time. Can anyone give me some form of advice.
Its in the works every we say
Its in the works every we say 500+insurance and she wants 700+insurance. We are in family court and the process is tedious. We just finished mediation which was a joke. It just seems like she's using this child as a way to obtain a pay check which is pretty said. She is a piece of crap. I feel like a take my anger and animosity against her and hold it against the child as well.
The child is a year old.
The child is a year old. There was a temporary visitation order in process, but that idiot didn't follow through after the first to planned visits. Does she get punished for that no. It wasn't until this weekend when we drove 7 hours spent approximately $600 just to spend about 5 hours with this child. I was beyond pissed. I have recently told my fiance that I wasn't ready to have her at our place and respect how I feel about the situation. His response was you are crazy. This is my daughter part of me, and you expect her not to come into the home. He stated that she was his child in she is going to be ther regardless. That pissed me off big time. I feel as though she is an outsider an unwanted mistake. Our arguments have gotten so bad that we have had to take breaks, and I have even considered leaving.
If you expect him to the
If you expect him to the child out of the home because you hate the mother, then you are out of line. That baby didn't do anything wrong. She should spend as much time with her dad,IN HIS HOME as possible.
How much would end up paying in CS if they went strictly by the state's guidelines?
Do you know that from birth
Do you know that from birth babies can feel rejection? Do you have any idea at all what this does to them later in life? I am far from a perfect SM but not until you exhaust every option and you are cleaning poop off your walls or stopping your SK from bludgeoning another child etc do you tell your partner/ spouse it's enough. Leave now and save this little girl from feelings of rejection and abandonment if heaven forbid you get this man to choose you over his baby.
I think your decision and
I think your decision and future regardling this relationship are clear. You are being unreasonable though many in this community know exactly how you are feeling. If you cannot partner with your SO to be equity life partners and deal with all things together including this tragic mistake, yes I agree that it was a mistake, and do what you can to make this baby's life as calm and successful as possible then move on.
I would never thought of trying to get my bride to abandon and marginalize her son from our lives at any time in our 20+ year marriage. SS-22 was 15mos old when we met and we married a week before he turned 2yo. Sure, we had the toxic Sperm Idiot and the rest of that shallow and polluted end of his gene pool to deal with and protect him from which was a total PITA. But, when we married I agreed to be her life partner, husband, and to help raise her son. Our marriage would not have survived if I had not made that commitment.
Move on now. Don't waste any more of your time and your SO's time if you can't grow up, step up, and be a contributing influece rather than a detrimental influence. Find a partner without the baggage of prior relationship spawn to make your life with.