My step-kid is pregnant

Tonight was date night and like most evenings the conversation turns to my SD-17 and her situation. She got pregnant on purpose to get an ex-boyfriend. It back fired and he ran like the wind. Now here she is with out a clue and not wanting to grow up and take responsibility. The DH and I were talking about setting rules and consequences for her -- in effort to get her to help around the house and possibly get a job.

Turned into the usual. The DH will not participate in Tough Love. So that is not an option. But then what is to be done to get her to see we are serious -- or is DH really serious? He wants to avoid conflict and just do what has always been done before I came around. Let SD do what she wants. Basically run the house with no rules and no responsibility. I can't live that way. I can't live in a home where a 17 year old runs the roost.

DH doesn't feel like he can "make" his daughter do anything in fear of driving her from the home and from his life. Instead he will take the attitude and the abuse to keep her in his life. I want him to draw the line - demand respect and more - or she needs to know that she could lose her home and the support we are willing to give.

I am tired of sacrificing my happiness for her and I am starting to resent the DH. I lost my wedding, my honeymoon and a family vacation we planned for my sons and all of us. All because we need to consider the cost involved with this pregnancy.

Not far -- or am I wrong?????

nkbrown's blog
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Oh geez, is it getting

Oh geez, is it getting preggo month or something? What's wrong with these girls and what kind of mothers do they have? sigh...

DH is dealing with similar, but at 15yrs of age...except no custody or visitation at this point, just a "will never end child support because she either fails school, doesn't attend and now preggo...sigh"

Your DH cannot allow your other children to suffer because of the poor choices his daughter has made...are the other kids BOTH your kids? If so, I would NOT tolerate it...if they are not, I would ensure MY KIDS knew what can happen if you do that and set the miserable life the idiot 17yr old is going to have...take care of your kids and ignore his...

Good luck...I know it's hard...

Oh geez, is it getting

Oh geez, is it getting preggo month or something? What's wrong with these girls and what kind of mothers do they have? sigh...

Good luck...I know it's hard...

Let her cover the cost of

Let her cover the cost of the pregnancy/delivery. There are programs at most hospitals where uninsured pregnant people can pay an upfront lump sum charge that will cover the bill.

My brother and his Wife did it. As I recall, they got a deal with the hospital that was $3,000.00 which the paid before my niece was born. Your SD can get a job and pay it off before her spawn is whelped.

Drag her in denial ass to the hospital and have her talk to someone to see if there is a similar program offered, then drop her off at the local DQ to get a job.

She thinks she is an adult, let her live the consequences of her adult decisions.

Go on your vacation.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

who does hubby think is

who does hubby think is going to take care of this baby? that is the real question.

I can answer that last one

I can answer that last one -- me.

She gets told to put in job applications -- her answer "I know Daddy, I will" and that's it. She put in 4 applications. Her answer is I tried and no one is hiring.

DH is wondering if we could come up with a program at home. Have her do more chores around the house and pay her. Problem she doesn't do the chores, but wants the pay.

I realize the DH is in total denial. He wants no conflict - so leave the princess alone.

Wow, this is really bad. He

Wow, this is really bad.

He doesn't want any conflict: meaning, he doesn't want to upset HER. What about conflict with YOU?

I would DEFINITELY not do this "program at home." Because then, you are just setting up a scenario for this never, ever to change. She'll just sit around at home and you'll be the Daddy and SM welfare system. Forever. And Ever. What possible incentive would she have to change?

Nkbrown, you're going to have to put your foot down somehow. I think you have to decide what you're willing to live with, and what's a deal breaker. Ultimately, are you willing to live in a house where she does almost nothing and you have to take care of the kid, while your DH just lets it ride?

If not, then you have to figure out what you want to have change, and what you are willing to risk to do it. Nothing will change unless you make it happen. Because DH is happy enough the way things are, and so is SD. You're the only one who will not be happy.

So, decide how to put pressure on your DH to change things. How do you do that? By taking away your support. For example, when this baby comes, you KNOW that you'll be expected to help care for it. But it is DH who is allowing this to happen, so it is DH who needs to take the baby when SD can't. I think that will wise him up pretty quickly.

Also, I would make a list of things I will not put up with. A list of rules for this. And perhaps a timeline for her to get her shit together and eventually move out. Ask your DH to help you come up with a timeline, and if he's not willing, then put together your OWN list of rules. Like her paying rent, for example.

If your DH will not agree to any of this -- that is, if he will not agree to consult with his WIFE on the terms by which an ADULT daughter (soon-to-be) with a child will be allowed to stay with them -- then maybe you need to remove yourself from the situation until he sees the light. Like, go stay somewhere else. Daddy and SD having to take care of this all by themselves for a while might put things in a different light for him.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

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