Hey. I'm new here..been married for over 22 years, raised my two children, been somewhat involved with two step-daughter's. Cannot stand the BM. She sure IS a BM...anyhoo...I have gotten some eye openers lately & have come to this conclusion:
People with kids should NOT remarry. Keep an SO, nurture relationships in your lives, but don't remarry and bring different blood into the home. And when there's a BM who is two faced & manipulative (to you, husband, stepDs...) RUN LIKE HELL. When there's a new husband who is more worried about not rocking the boat with his ex-wife or kids than making things work in your home...RUN LIKE HELL. You don't need that BS in your life.
Wow what a negative Nelly this new person is! you might be thinking...
I have my reasons for saying this.
I love my husband and will stay with him, but more so because I made a commitment to the man over 22 years ago and will honor it. But ours will NEVER be a blended family, no matter how hard I try. His daughters dislike me and my kids; his youngest does not speak to me for reasons unknown, and does not speak to him because he's with me. His older daughter has a close relationship with him and a cordial one with me. Our sets of kids, respectively, do no have a relationship. (Not for lack of trying, on my kids' parts. They gave up, due to the fact that they have lives and realize they are worth more than the bones the step D's might or might not throw to them). His daughters are jealous and petty and over the years have been able to turn him against my children.
I do not see nor talk to his ex-wife...EVER..anymore. Used to. Thought we could become at least close to all raise their daughters together. NOT. She was intent on making sure her daughters knew that they didn't have to listen to me in my own home nor respect either one of us. I saw it, everyone else saw it, but for some reason, the husband didn't. His youngest daughter could do NO wrong. Ha-f*cking-ha. She's the one who doesn't even talk to either one of us anymore. The BM likes to control her family; must be the center of attention. If our shared grandkids show me any attention while we're all together, she makes sure to buzz in, grab them up and buzz away. That's how she STILL is with the step Ds. It's annoying. Well, it used to be, when I cared.
My daughter & son are good, loving and successful people. They love their step dad and don't push him. He was there for them in little ways when they were kids and in VERY little ways now, but has such a tenuous relationship with them due to the fact his older daughter doesn't care for them. He feels guilty for spending more time with them and my bio-grandkids than his own (mine live a little over an hour drive away; his live a 24 hour drive away). And so he's been spending less time with them and rarely contacts them. This kills me because they have called him "dad" since they were 4 and 6. something they asked HIM personally if they could do and he agreed. It's all so f*cked up.
Anyway...It's late and I am rambling. Blending families is hard on EVERYONE, I understood then as I do now. If I'd known the outcome was going to be what it has been, wouldn't have tried so hard. Oh yeah..I wouldn't have remarried.