When love is not enough?
I have known my husband for 14 years. We have been married for almost 4 years and 4 years living with each other. I met his daughter when she was 3 (now 16). I got along with her for the most part until she turned 12. At age 10 her personality started to change part of it was growing up and becoming a preteen the other part was the changes happening in her life. At age 10 she went from seeing her dad for the weekend to living with him full time and seeing her mom occasionally. She developed a bad attitude with everyone including her father. Whenever I address it he took her side. I did not want to be her mom because she has one but I have known this girl for seven years and I loved her very much. I just could not agree with the way he is raising his daughter and I knew if he did not do something it would only get worse. although I was dating my husband for 7 years now, we were not living together. He was living with his daughter at his moms apartment and I was living in the third floor of my dads house. I think at this point I was distancing myself from my sd to prepare myself to leave him. I could not deal with her attitudes there he was not really showing me any commitments that relationship was moving forward. So I did leave but, a month later we were back with each other and things seemed ok. We got married when she was 12 and they moved in with me on the third floor of my dad's house. The year we got married things seemed worse between her and me. She was going through more difficult times with her mom and not doing well in school. I had to learn to live with a teen and share my space. He still takes her side and does not do a very good job enforcing any rules or promoting good habits.
I have no voice or any type of authority when it comes to her who is sharing a home with me and my father.
if I raise my voice at all he comes in hot headed defending her. I am not this girls mother nor did I ever want to be. But she is rude to me, my dad, and her own father. My dad tolerates her because of me but a man should not have to bolt his bedroom door in his own house because he does not trust her when she is home (missing money which she refused and of course her dad believes in her).
I did not raise her . no values of mine were instilled in her. I can not take any credit of the kind of person my husband is raising (mom is hardly ever in the picture now. I felt like a babysitter. A year into marriage and I felt miserable in my own home because of her and since my husband worked nights, he was not around much.
I tried to tell him how I feel and I also tried to ignore her avoid her but he needed me to keep and eye on her since he couldn't.
everytime she says rude things wether to anyone or even himself he lets it slide. I can't take it any more I refuse to let this now 16 going on 17 year old to be rude and disrespectful to me or my father. If he wants to be treated that way then fine but I will not stay quite.
as a teen I did not get along with my own mother until I moved in with my dad. I am hoping that my relations with my sd gets better when she is grown and out of the teenager set of mind. Cause right now I am counting the days till she turns 18. That is when we plan on moving out my dads house to purchase our own home but should I even wait. Will it get better or worse?
the girl got terrible grades and not likely to go to college. If he had it his way he will live with his daughter forever. I don't want to put myself in a worse situation. Getting a house and knowing I don't want her to live with me. Should I walk away now? I have no children with him. is loving my husband enough to tolerate my stepdaughter?
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For me, TODAY
I just can't do it today.
But YOU, only you know when you're done.
I think you know the answer to this....
I can read the pain and torment and dissapointment in your writing. You sound tired and defeated, which is truely justified. Do you want this to be your life forever? I think you have tried long enough and given more then enough of yourself up at this point. I think it might be time to think of what is best for you and start to live a new life.
The part that gets me the
The part that gets me the most is him siding with her against you. I haven't moved in yet with my SO, but posts like this make me realize the importance of setting expectations as a couple for the behavior of all kids in the home. Would your husband be willing to sit down with you and talk about what you both expect as far as behavior? Then, if she breaks a rule you have both set, there is no argument? And if he fails to keep up his end, he is outed as a weak-ass parent.
No way
Why are you letting this girl treat your father that way in his own house? Wtf is happening that after raising you, you saddle you ederly parent with these 2 bozos?
Look i get it if you have no backbone and don't mind being a doormat because "lurve", but it never ceases to amaze me how selfish a person must be to expect their family members and/or friends, to put up with such utter bullshit. Thats just as selfish as these self absorbed ass bio parents putting crap on the step parent. I get you are at least (possibly/maybe) getting some dick out of it, but whats your dad getting out of it? Why would you put him in this position?
I tell you it's a tenuous
I tell you it's a tenuous thing sometimes. But I'll let you know.
Love isn't enough when your
Love isn't enough when your spouse never takes your side or defends you. He can say he loves you but if he never puts into action it's all BS.
Honestly, it's never enough.
Honestly, it's never enough. There is a lot more to successful relationships than just love.
Sorry this may sound harsh, BUT
#1. Absolutely do not by a house with this sorry excuse for a father and partner. He is siding with his precious princess AGAINST you, his life partner. Bad bad bad. Normally I would suggest nanny cams to catch the selfish creepy theiving SD, but right now, my instict sais RUN. Its not too late to start over fresh with someone who is willing to back you up on important issues.
#2. He absolutely should not be "hot headed defending her" when she is being rude and STEALING. If you do not wish to end things now, get cameras for around the house and catch her in the act.
#3. Look up "mini wife syndrom". She is his "wife" and you are the mistress. Yes thats YOUR husband, but she OWNS him.
#4. You need to protect your father from these two narcissists. Get them out of there and apologise to your father for everything you put him through with these two losers.
#5. Yes I said losers. Your husband doesnt have your back and you are not his priority, his precious princess is his priority.
Stealing doesnt just cure itself it gets worse over time. She isnt suddenly going to acquire good morals and a sense of ambition overnight. And he will not want to let his precious go anywhere so you WILL be stuck with her. My DH always has my back, and when SD20 Feral Forger turned 18, and graduated, he was very much on board with not allowing her to stay too long. And when she left, she asked to move back in and DH was very much on board with me about her NOT coming back.
DH has ALWAYS had my back, no question. When SD Feral Forger would say to him "you always choose HER over your own child!!!!" after being disrespectful and rude to me, he was always there, telling her to be respectful.
So...theres my suggestions...Good luck!
Please kick these horrid
Please kick these horrid people out of your father’s home. Your poor dad! Having to deadbolt his bedroom door against a skid that isn’t even his! And have his SIL defend the little cretin? No. No no no no no.
What your H is doing to you is bad enough. To answer your question, No, love absolutely isn’t enough. But to put your father through this truly isn’t fair, PLEASE do right by him & remove these vile people from his home. They can move back with your H’s mommee, I’m sure she’ll be glad to have them back...