DD10's birthday is coming up... dh pulled a stunt that has me fuming!
OK, so dd's birthday is coming up. She's so excited, I have some really awesome things planned. Also, her birthday lands on a weekend, so extra plus! Well it happens to be during a time that we don't have sd (so triple plus for me). Well, apparently dh talked to dd and convinced her to have her party on the following weekend, a whole week later than her actually birthday. I wouldn't mind if it was just a day or two later, but we are talking about a whole week. I Haye how when sd is here she makes the whole world revolve around her. She's always the loudest, she always the show boat, she is always pushing her way past everyone. AAAAAAAARGH! Why?! I want to cry now.... I seriously want to break down crying. I know dh loves sd and doesn't want her to miss out. But doesn't he see this birthday party isn't sd's is not about her, it's not even here and he's making it all about her!
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Just say no. You already
Just say no. You already made the plans. Also, DH should be talking to you about changing dates, not the 9yr old.
ETA: BUT....Then he may decide to get SD on both weekends so she doesn't miss the B Day party
Well, I guess we see why SD
Well, I guess we see why SD thinks that everything is about her.
Your DH should have discussed this with YOU, not your DD.
You are the parent, do what YOU feel would be best. If your DD really does want her step-sister there, I can see waiting but if your DH just manipulated her, that's a different story and I would be pissed.
I don't think she realized
I don't think she realized that sd wouldn't have been there. But in the past dd always complains that sd kept being so annoying and loud during the party, all of dds friends kept looking at sd like she was annoying (because she is).
BUT today when I ask her if she is sure she wants to move it, she tells me "but sd will miss it and be sad, I don't mind". I remind her it's not about sd, it's about HER. then she just tells me in being mean. I don't know what to do.
I did make plans, but I haven't ordered/scheduled anything, and I won't have to take off for work, so there isn't really anything solid that is keeping us from moving it in that aspect.
That would have (and has
That would have (and has before) ticked me off. My DH used to do that. He would always want to get SS or make DS or DD's parties when SS could be here. What even more so really ticks me off...is that since NONE of my family or DHs family sees SS outside of our time, it TOTALLY takes away from DD and DS. It makes their birthday not as special when SS gets all the attention. Then he gets all the attention on his own birthday too. So I totally get it. I put a stop to it. I told DH that SS will no longer be at BD or BS's birthdays UNLESS I plan it when he is here due to scheduling conflicts. We will not ask for him to be here, we will not request that he comes to the party and then leaves, NOTHING. Then I express how our BKs deserve his undivided attention on their special day just like SS gets on his. If that can't be possible then he is more than welcome to stay at home and I will take them and go do things with them.
Just say no. Why is he
Just say no. Why is he dictating when a birthday party is going to take place for your bio? He isnt paying for it, is he?
He could always pick up SD just for the party if your DD would like her step sis to attend.
If your DH is changing birthday party dates to when his SD can attend, THIS is why she probably acts the way you have said she acts in previous posts. Because of your DH doing something like that. Making it about her.
He's never had to, for one
He's never had to, for one reason or another the birthdays (for the lady 5 years) have fallen close enough on the weekends he'd have her for it to make sense to have on that weekend. Either that our we were busy with something else and couldn't have it on the other weekend.
But you are right. He does tend to make everything about sd. And his dad does the same thing. A few weeks ago his dad took all the girls out for dinner with dh. Sd wanted to go to cheese cake factory, dds wanted to go to a place that served vegetarian meals (as well as regular food). Sd likes going there as well. But if there is ever a chance of her getting cakes or cookies or candy, she will jump at it. So FIL took them to cheese cake factory, and my vegetarian daughter had nothing to choose from but a cheese quesadilla or a grilled cheese sandwich (she hates cheese). Then at the end of the meal asked only sd what she wanted for dessert, and the 3 girls spilt it. DDs said it was disgusting. It was some chocolate peanut butter cheesecake, dds took a bite and said they felt like vomiting. This is every single time.
Sure I get that he is sd's grandpa and not dds, but if he is going to do that, then he should really only take sd.
I remind her it's not about
I remind her it's not about sd, it's about HER. then she just tells me in being mean. I don't know what to do.
I think she just told you what you should do!
She does seem concerned about SD missing it and being sad, although your DH could have put that in her head, but that is what she's telling you so I would go ahead and hold off for a week and include SD (be glad that you don't have a selfish little girl).
I am, believe me, I am. At
I am, believe me, I am. At the same time it breaks my heart that dh would take advantage of it.
Sweet pea, I have never once
Sweet pea, I have never once been anything but cordial to sd in the 5 years. The "meanest" thing I've done to sd I send her to her room when she is bad.
So basically you ate telling me that me telling my daughter that her birthday is not about sd is mean? That's absurd! In sd's head every day is about sd. Every time sd has been here for a party she hogs all the attention. She will literally yell out "everyone look at me! look at me!" Then to make sure everyone knows what she did, she says "did you see what I did?!" Even before all that Ebro time someone comes in, she screams "oh my god you came! Guess what, I am here too haw haw haw, get it because you see me!" When is time for presents she always sits in whom ever's lap that let's her. Then, each time the birthday girl/boy opens a present she gives some kind of input (very loudly and watches to see who listens, if someone liked like they didn't hear her input, she'll go over and ask, "did you hear me? I said I got that toy too!" When it's tone for games, she shoves past the other guests to make sure she gets first in line. When I tell her because she pushed, she starts crying loudly saying "but I was here first!!!
Tell me again how I when I tell my daughter the day isn't about sd is being mean? My dd gets one day a year about her, and sd is already the one who the day is going to be about, since we are changing the day just for her, nobody else.
I had to flat out ban SD from
I had to flat out ban SD from my kids birthday parties. Not only was she constantly trying to get attention, she was pouting,starting trouble with other kids, bullying.
If you don't know how to act properly at parties, you don't get invited. Sadly, that's the choice. I too tried to plan parties when I knew SD wouldn't be here. But H was so determined to have her where she's not wanted, I flat out told him.....NO NO NO
If he tries again, I'll
If he tries again, I'll definitely put my foot down. I'll go ahead and book everything for when sd is not here. But now, I am going to let it play out and remind dd next year how sd always behaves at her birthday.
I know, that's what breaks my
I know, that's what breaks my heart, I am seriously so pissed! I had to wait until I had the money to book everything, and he went and pulled this shit!
I would also tell DH that he
I would also tell DH that he better have a chat with SD about how one behaves at somebody else's birthday party.
Aw, your DD is sweet! For
Aw, your DD is sweet!
For what it's worth, I DO always schedule parties when the SDs could be there. In my case though, the SDs are actually my bios' sisters (technically "half", but we don't call them that). So they're family - and also they don't make the day all about THEM!
I can see why you'd want to have it on her actual birthday, but if your DD doesn't mind then I'd say go ahead and have it the week after. Just tell your DH that SD better be on her best behavior. And tell your DD that you don't want to hear anything from her if SD is NOT on her best behavior! You gave her the option to have her party without SD, and she refused knowing that SD has tried to be the center of attention in the past - that means she doesn't get to complain if SD is self-centered.
I would be FUMING just as you
I would be FUMING just as you are. Make sure you tell dh that he is NOT to pull this shit again. It's childish and completely outta line. Good on you for raising an unselfish little girl tho.
Thank you guys, I needed to
Thank you guys, I needed to get this of my chest, and my daughter really made me feel bad at first when I said that the day want about sd. I felt like maybe I was wrong, but I know I'm not! But I am glad she is so unselfish.
Well good for you, but I
Well good for you, but I think you're teaching your daughter to be a doormat.
tell your dh to NEVER go
tell your dh to NEVER go behind your back again with anything to do with your daughter. this would have started WW3 around here. who the hell does he think he is?
Your husband wants his
Your husband wants his daughter included which I can understand. however, he should have spoke to you first about this rather than going to your daughter. I do not feel you should have to wait a week so SD can be part of this. If your husband wants his daughter to be apart of this celebration maybe he can suggest to his daughter than she call your daughter on the occasion but I would go ahead with plans that you were originally planning. I would also ask husband that if he has a thought on a change in plans that he first discuss those with you instead of the children.