I want to start by saying, I am so happy that I have found a safe space to vent.... Wow!!! Where should I begin?? This has been quite a week. However, the past six months have been even more intense. My dh got full custody of my sd this past September. It was more a less by default because the bm got into a domestic argument with her husband, and her husband struck at my sd and the bm numerous times. After the bm was beat so badly, she went back to her husband, and expressed to my sd who was shaken up by the ordeal that she could not choose my SD over her husband in so many words. Prior to that my DH had been paying a substantial amount of child support, where both the BM and her husband were unemployed and making my SD basically earn her stay by having her do the laundry for the entire house, cook, and clean. She was also being academically neglected because there was no interaction between the bm and my sd's school.

Fast forward this incident occurred, and my sd was removed from her bm's home. I have not had the greatest relationship with the bm because she is always full of anger and say's whatever comes out of her mouth. However, I have always had a relationship with the sister of the bm and her mom in a strange way because they wanted to stay in the loop. After, my sd started living with us in September permanently, the bm stayed away. Granted she lost all of her rights as a parent, but she never reached out to my sd. Social Services did a private visit to my sd's school one day, and my SD was asked to share her experience at her BM's home. After doing that, the social worker recommended that my SD see a therapist on school grounds, and that a home visit was requested by the court. I was happy to hear that therapy would be provided because of the emotional roller coaster that we were being faced with in our home. I felt that an unbiased third-party needed to be involved. The therapist and social worker made a visit to our home, and shared that my SD was making a lot of excuses for her BM. The therapist was very concerned that my sd was not forcing her BM or SF to take any responsibility for attempting to put her in danger. As time progressed my SD started to excel in school, but got into the typical teenage social mischief. (ie.talking in class, becoming rebellious, and resenting her BM) for basically letting her down. As I stepped up more, my dh stepped back because his only focus was normality. He even stopped engaging into conversation with the BM because she could not be talked to without an angry reaction. This did not make things great in our home at all because my SD missed her BM, and I could not replace that. Fast forward, at the beginning of the year, my SD shared that her therapy was over, and she no longer needed it. We attempted to verify this with the therapist, but there was no luck. Moving forward, I opened up a door for the BM to be more involved in my SD's life since my DH was not making the effort. I felt like my BD started to become affected, who is only 2. A part of me understood that I was taking a risk because of our history in the past, but I thought we could turn over a new leaf for the sake of my very fragile SD. I also included her in a meeting for parents regarding a trip overseas that my SD was given the opportunity to be apart of. Now, my SD has no past exposure in going overseas or staying academically together, but that's a big importance in my home. The same day that this meeting occurred my DH agreed to let her come to our home to see where my SD was living. Again, trying to turn over a new leaf. On Wednesday, the therapist called from my SD's school, and mentioned that my SD had missed 4 visits since the new year had started. She was notifying us before an official home visit was going to take place. I assured her that we did not know about this, and that my SD had shared something that should have been further looked into when it was initially addressed. She accepted my word, but I also shared the type of interaction that was now going on between the BD and my SD again. After listening to the therapist, she wanted to know if my DH and I knew if the BM was going to the parenting classes and couple's counseling that she was required to complete, in order to even get her visitation rights back. I expressed that we did not know, but to our knowledge, the BM was just going back to school as if nothing was wrong, and her husband was now working and taking care of their small baby. I decided to reach out to her woman to woman, and express the importance of letting my SD know that she has to complete the therapy. Before I could even get everything out, she blamed me for my SD having to go to therapy. She also started to accuse me of talking badly about her to teachers at my SD's school, and to her sister. I was confused. The conversation got so ugly that I had to hang up on her. She immediately called my phone back to back hoping to get me to answer, but I refused. She stated that she no longer wanted to hear from me, and this was the point that she attempted to make. I immediately contacted my DH at work, but he had not spoken to her because they can't stand speaking to one another. Moving forward, the BM has been trying to contact me to continue her spewing. I have been screening her calls, and have refused to answer. Since then, my SD was placed on the Honor Roll, and I didn't want her mother's chaos to come between her new joy. This is now a mess. Am I supposed to have a more civil relationship with the BM? I am open to feedback on this whirlwind. At the end of the day, I want the BM to have a respectful understanding. She is not nice at all, and she has still called my home since everything has occurred when my nanny is here watching my BD. How can I make some changes? I need the drama put to an end.