I hope you don't think MY theory is that only bioparents know how to parent, because that isn't true.

Perhaps it's the way you deliver the advice ( if this post is any indication I can see how you would put people off, on any topic). No offense.

i think if you have ever been in a situation that has given you any knowledge of what is being discussed, then you have something to offer. the only time i found someone's words ridiculous was when i was being told by my uncle's gf what labor would be like. she hadn't had any kids at that point. she had no idea. but she was telling me. :?

as for parenting, sometimes i give advice based on bm experience, sometimes sm experience, sometimes based on my experiences as a kid. you are a sm. you were a child once. you have something to offer in those areas. i don't think a person who doesn't have kids is out of line to suggest that beating your kids over every little thing is wrong, etc. you don't always have to be a parent to know what needs to be done. sometimes common sense is all it takes.

Putting the mod hat back on - keep it civil in the discussion, or the whole post is coming down.

Ok so I am going to jump in.Simply because I am not a BM and have come across situations where people have said to me "what do you know" you haven't had any kids. Well this is true I haven't had any of my one. Well you are right, I don't know what it is like to give birth to a child, or know that bond that only a BM can have with a child she spent days or hours in pain trying to bring into the world. But I do have an SS and 5 nieces and nephews many of which I have spent more time with than my SS. So I do have some first hand knowledge, so I feel this gives me some insight and the ability to give advice. I also have friends who are childless and do not like kids or spend time with them who feel they can offer advice, while I listen to what they say I do think to myself "how the hell do you have any idea". I guess my point is everyone can give advice it is what the person listening does with it. You can listen and dissect what they say as they may have something valid in what they are talking about or you can just discard what they say. Not sure if any of this makes a lot of sense (had a few drinks after a long week)

I read the original post this stemmed from. I too was incredibly offended by the comment this blog is regarding. A girl at work once made the mistake of saying to me "well you're not a real mom anyway, just a step mom". Yep, I am JUST a step mom but to me, the ability to parent has nothing to do with biology, or age for that matter. I am 25. I have my masters degree, and I am the director of nursing at a behavioral health center. Sorry that to me, age doesn't always equate to intelligence. I also parent two young children full time. I do their homework with them, give them baths, read to them, play with them, and also discipline them. I have been in my SD6s life since before she turned 2. Just bc you haven't physically delivered a child doesn't mean you can't parent one, the same as giving birth doesn't automatically give you that ability. I think there are plenty of us on here (myself included) that the BM of our skids is not a step parent, but not a real parent either. Biology is nothing if your brain isn't wired that way. You can have kids, big deal. It takes effort to parent. Age, and ability to reproduce have nothing to do with it.

my mother had three kids and thinks she knows EVERYTHING about being a parent. I disagree. I adopted my child. Does that mean I'm not a real mom or that I am less able to parent him effectively? Oh wait, I actually had to be SCREENED to be a parent vs someone (say someone like the BMs we deal with) who gave birth. I'd venture a guess that SD's school considers me more capable of parenting than her actual mother. And loads of women become parents before age 23. Are they all incapable due to age? I think it is pretty narrow-minded to assume someone is incapable based on age or whether or not they've been in labor. McCrazy was well into her 4th decade before becoming a mother through birth and she's been told by professionals that her parenting style is ineffective.