SS16's angry outburts
We had a chat with him about bringing up his grades. He sat there head flopped back kicking the table breathing heavily. We tried to come up with a game plan. restricting video game and television time and hiring a private tutor. His only response was a few grunts and huff breaths. DH dismissed him and his attitude from the table to his room. He still sat at the table kicking it harder. I let him know that his father dismissed him to his room. DH raised his tone and stood up. SS stood up. DH pointed in the direction of the room. I told him we have had enough of the attitude. He lets me know I am not his mother and pushes the table towards me spilling the hot vegan moussaka I prepared for dinner all over me. DH called BM and while waiting for BM he ordered SS16 to clean up the mess and started taking away everything of value to him threating to donate it or give it away or craiglist for free. BM arrived and ordered SS16 into the car smacking him a few times in the back of the head. She apologized to me on his behave and assured me he will be punished. DH and I sat down the other boys and explained that that was not the proper way to handle things or express your anger. I am at a loss because in all my years of being a stepmother to him and his brother I have never had things get this out of hand. I feel like he is pulling away from me and has a lot of undeserved anger towards me. I'm both sadned and angered by his behavior and I don't know what he is capable of or how to handle things like this and keep them from happening in the future. I'm so grateful for this board even if no one reads this or offers me words of hope I am just grateful to be able to get this out.
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Comments
I'm sorry. Is he getting
I'm sorry. Is he getting counseling? It sounds like he could benefit from that and anger management classes.
No he isn't but I do agree
No he isn't but I do agree that anger management is a good place to start.
This. He should definitely
This. He should definitely not have responded with violence. No ifs ands or buts. And I don't know the specifics of your step situation, so maybe it was appropriate for you to be there. But we are going through the same thing ( poor grades) with my SS16 and no way would I be part of any disciplinary discussions. That is for my DH and BM.
I would agree with this BUT I
I would agree with this BUT I would make SS aware that since "you aren't his mother" and he does not respect you as a parental figure, you will no longer be doing any of the god/fun things you do either.
I am curious why DH called BM and sent him to his mothers. Its unclear. I can't help but wonder if he undermined his own parenting by turning everything over to BM.
He called BM because SS kept
He called BM because SS kept complaining he wants to go to his mom's and I'm not his mom he wanted to prove he would still be in trouble there too and show they are united in there discipline. Plus there are 3 younger kids in the house and we don't want him bulling them. Please don't question our parenting decisions. BM DH and I have always had a untied front in the children's lives when it comes to this type of stuff. I will look into the big brother thing and ask DH and BM what they think. BM and DH probably will want him in an anger management class.
"Kid sounds normal at 16" Um,
"Kid sounds normal at 16"
Um, when is it NORMAL for a kid (at any age) to become violent??? Now, had you said that it is apparent where he gets this idea that violence is acceptable b/c BM smacks him in the back of his head, I might have been able to back you up. But...... just sayin'.
He SHOVED the table at THE
He SHOVED the table at THE SM. He didn't simply push it and it made something spill. He was huffing and puffing and kicking the table prior to SHOVING it AT SM.
And yes, the BM smacking him in the back of the head clearly wasn't the right answer. Still, it doesn't negate his decision to show SM his violent side. It was a warning and if you think differently, you are wrong. Sorry but, you just are.
I have to agree with you
I have to agree with you AlreadyGone.
OP my SD since the age of 11 has been showing me these signs of violence and looking back at it now 5 years later, I feel that Skid was trying to plant a seed in my head cautioning me to "beware of SD". People start off with the small pushes, shoving, growling, and whatever but it gets worse if they feel they are permitted to think/behave as such. I'm not here to judge the parenting aspect but I would like to point out that it sounds to me like your SS didn't care that BM was going to deal with him. He still has no real reason to change his attitude towards you or anyone in your household. The kid likely views it as a joke and his actions say he feels superior and in power at his dads.
Aggression is aggression is aggression is aggression, know what I mean?
"He called BM because SS kept
"He called BM because SS kept complaining he wants to go to his mom's and I'm not his mom"
Kid got what he wanted by being angry, rude and disrespectful....
"he wanted to prove he would still be in trouble there too and show they are united in there discipline."
No, Dad showed him mom is the disciplinarian & he can be dismissed as nothing more then a babysitter who will tattle to mom when skid misbehaves.
"Plus there are 3 younger kids in the house and we don't want him bulling them."
Again, dad can't handle the situation. He pushes it off on mom. This is no better then the BMs on here who call Dad because they "can't handle" the skid anymore.
There is something to take
There is something to take from every piece of advice I have been given today. I will encourage his parents to seek anger management and therapy for him and step out of a disciplinary role and leave that up to DH and BM. I do still expect a certain level of respect as an adult in my home and I do demand respect for SS13 and my smaller boys. I just hope that he will be able to learn to channel his anger in a better way than taking it out on me and I have heard he has been bullying the younger boys and I wont let him in my house and stand for that if that is how things are going to be. I just want him to get help now.