So-this is week one of SD two week stay w/her dad. I'm trying to ensure they aren't over visiting us all the time. I was off Thu/Fri. Saw them a bit Thursday evening. Friday I took my kids to an amusement park-never told bf I was going until I was there Had a great day and then later that evening they came over-by now we're at no sex since Sunday (when he foudn out she was coming to be w/him the next day)...we are both testy w/eachother. His mood is all negative again, goes on talking about his f'ed up kid, f'ed up ex-wife, f'ed up situations where his parents dont' back him up -and then the eventual "I'll push you away by expressing doubts" talk- I seriously contemplate breakign it off entirely.

We had already decided to go swimming the next day w/the kids-so we did go but I had never in 2 years felt as distant and distraught being around him. He tries to get on my good side-he tells me he knows his pushing me away because of his situation isn't good but sometimes he feels I'd be better off w/out all that junk (no shit)and hes surprised I'm still around. Was overall an ok day-except for SD who can't seem to play normal unless roughhousing or being rude or obnoxious at some point. I almost lost it on her yesterday.

Oh-and Sat night they stayed over-we were both so aprehensive being around eachother we went to bed w/out touching even-which we NEVER do. Sunday morning we finally feel comfortable enough and start cuddling-door is locked, kids are quietly watching tv or in toy/computer room....not once, but THREE times we get interrupted by her knocking asking questions...ALL three times it was her even though my boys were up. Finally I said seriously-either tell her to leave us alone for 20 minutes or it's NOT happening. How is it when it's just the boys and I we never lose affection w/eachother-we always make love-we have retreated to my room when we need some alone time even if a few minutes w/eachother and the boys respect that. Why can't she? Why when she is around our moods our foul, we're foul w/eachother, we talk about it 'not working', we lose physical interest in eachother, just overall nothign feels right with her around-ruins it all. I am having such resentment right now.

Maybe the move out of state will be our only saving grace-IF we make it that far.