Interesting article

Too bad so many of our SO's miss this! Marriage must come first!

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/why-put-marriage-kids-145100275.html

overworkedmom's blog
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I did not read the whole

I did not read the whole thing, but I think that it is situational. (Marriage comes first)

Little Johnny has a baseball practice but your spouse needs you for a job function. This would be when marriage comes first.

Little Johnny is sick and needs medical attention but your spouse needs you for job function. This would be kid comes first.

Yes...the marriage needs to be a strong one....but I do think it is some what of a control thing when a spouse wants the other spouse to PROVE over and over that the marriage comes before the kids. And I have seen that all to much on this site.

i agree willow. there should

i agree willow.

there should never be 'proving' anything. it should just be the way it functions.

and your example highlights the difference between 'need' and 'want'. health, safety and wellbeing of those unable to care for themselves always comes first.

extras beyond that need to be handled spouse first.
but it would be kind and loving for the spouse to occasionally forgo that for the child's benefit.

it needs to be a healthy mix, not a tug of war.

I am a firm believer of the

I am a firm believer of the marriage coming first, but I also believe that I have a responsibility to my child if he is sick and "needs" me in one way or another. Otherwise, my marriage comes first.

yup, marraige = 1st priority,

yup, marraige = 1st priority, children = 1st responsibility

i think of it like a house. you must must must maintain it- clean, organize, paint, maintain appliances and plumbing and electric and everything that goes with it. but all of that will crumble if your foundation's falling apart.

But what does that even

But what does that even mean?!?! In what aspect? If a car comes barreling down the side walk and it came to me pushing DH or my kid out of the way who do you think I would choose? Not DH and he wouldn't choose me either I'd kill him if he even considered it. So How are we talking about here that we have to choose?

Our kids needs come first. Period. Not thier wants but thier needs. If kid has soccer and it means we have to rearrange date night so what? I made the commitment when I signed them up. If the coach can drag his butt out and VOLUNTEER their time least we can do is show up. My DH has been the coach for 13 Soccer seasons and nothing peeves me more than flaky parents.

To many people use thier marriage as an excuse to neglect their kids.

Example DH wants to talk about his day but kid needs help with homework and bed time is fast approaching, then DH can shut it and wait til after bed time. I say this because it's happened where my 10 year olds been overloaded with hours of homework that have run before and after dinner. I don't care that DH Wants my attention the kid NEEDS my help. Told DH to take a hike til later

Since when did it become

Since when did it become mandatory to attend all kids' practices and games? When I was a kid, parents came when they could-- and usually only to the games. The coach volunteers because the coach LIKES coaching. Sometimes other things need to become a priority for parents. Why is date night any less important than the game? I mean, is the kid really going to lose his (probably unattainable) dream of becoming a pro player because Dad took SM out to dinner instead of attending his evening practice? Everyone in the family deserves time and attention. The sports kid can't monopolize it all with something that occurs a few times a week for months on end.

With that said, one of our SDs is really into drama. We never miss a performance. But those occur once every few months and we can schedule around it. If she was a soccer player, we would only be able to attend the same amount of events. We have work, appointments, other kids, pets, friends, extended family, and a relationship that needs to be reinforced with regular alone time.

When year we had a kid on the

When year we had a kid on the team whos mom was a flight attendant. Step dipshit couldn't care less about how he made it to and from or if he was okay and he was a 4th grader. God forbid he step up for the kid he signed up to help raise when he married the kids mom. Mom talked to us and We picked kid up. & dropped him off and I always brought an extra water bottle and Gatorade for him. When it's work and its communicated I get it pretty much anything else and they're just shoddy people.

You're preaching to the choir. We are family have six with four pets and a baby. DH And I were both military working 60 hours a week at some point not to mention the separation from deployments. DH fell, HARD, plate in face, almost went blind in one eye, multiple surgeries and is left with lifelong epilepsy. All 3 kids got to each game each practice I was there to supervise each one. Dinner was on the table, house was cleaned, pets taken care of, homework done and I was working 50 hours a week and still managing to spend hours in the hospital with DH each day for the two weeks he was hospitalized. We are the poster family for busy and still I was always there. Let me tell you it's been no easy ride since dealing with seizures and every kid wanting to participate in something comming home to a pool of blood on the floor cause DH had a seizure and fell, cleaning him up and hauling him in the car to practice because i dont want to leave him alone and running the practice myself. My newborn and I were at the game 2 days after I gave birth to her last year. sometimes you just have to dig deep and muscle through. So for parent not to show up because they want to have date night or some other Trivial Pursuit BLOWS MY MIND!!!

The coach is not a babysitter

The coach is not a babysitter nor is the team mom. They're there to coach. Not discipline when your kid gets mouthy because he dosent want to take a turn on defense.

When kids get to a certain age sure they can go to practice by themselves but usually by that age they are playing school sports. I can't count the number of times we have sat in the rain or 20 minutes after a practice waiting on a parent. And God forbid someone gets truly hurt. Like the 7 year old at my daughters cheerleading practice who fell and broke her arm after doing a cartwheel.

States, at least most of them, have laws on what age a child can be left home alone you shouldn't leave your kids at practice if they haven't met that age. Especially for something so stupid as a date night with your own husband. Depending on the sport 3 days a week you need to be there. If you can't don't commit your kid. If a parent had an errand like to pick up a prescription and would come to tell me then okay sure I will accept responsibility, I will walk them to the bathrooms and keep an eye on em.

I hate it when people use the"when I was a kid" line. You know what when I was a kid we didn't have to wear seatbelts. I'm damned certain my crib with painted with lead paint. And I could walk to the store and pick up cigarettes for my parents. Just because things were different back then didn't make them right.

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