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SS is Definitely Showing His True Colors

Pantera's picture

I kind of feel sorry for DH that the wool has been pulled over his eyes for so long. I feel sorry that he chose to think that I was a bitch and picking on his son. I feel sorry that SS will probably not become a decent member of society when he gets older. It all could have been avoided if DH and BM actually parented. It could have been avoided if DH would have listened to me.

SS10 has a past with stealing amongst many other things. There were 2 incidents that money was taken from my purse which was in my bedroom. The first time $20 went missing. The second time $2 was missing. I couldn't prove the $20 but I busted SS in front of DH about the $2 and nothing was done because I didn't really have proof although SS half ass admitted it. DH chose to blame me for misplacing the $20 or blame the dog for eating $20. I know that wasn't the case. DH put $300 in my purse at 10pm at night and at 7am the next morning, $20 was missing. I think its safe to assume SS went in my room while I was in the shower that morning. Last night DH noticed he was missing $15 and guess where he found it...in SS's bookbag. He asked me what he should do about it. I told him I didn't know. DH seemed to be shocked about the whole thing. I however was not because SS steals stuff all of the time, his parents don't want to see it. DH did his yelling thing this morning and told SS he can't swim today at daycare. SS didn't seem to care until DH told him he couldn't go swimming. SS doesn't care about anything and shows no emotion, so it was nice to see something actually got to him.

Yesterday, I was cleaning the bathroom. SS has stopped taking a razor to the walls but now stabs the sink with something. DH talked to him about it and said SS said he was going to stop. I mean doesn't this kind of thing set of bells for everyone or is it just me?

Those were the 2 major incidents this week. I could go on and on about the other stuff too, I just can't believe DH didn't notice any of this shit for 4 years. I can't believe he chose to think I was lying about his son. WTF? I get so hurt and mad and furious and then I get so happy that Im not going to have such stress anymore. This morning I cried because I was awaken at 5:45am to DH screaming at SS. DH asked if I was ok and I told him no and that this kind of shit is the reason I have to go. I could handle a doozy every once in a while but SS pulls stuff like this almost daily. And he doesn't need therapy at the least? DH said he didn't want to rehash things this morning and at least I could walk away because SS isn't my problem. I can't believe he let his son drive me out.

Comments

Pantera's picture

My house is so nuts that it has driven me nuts. Literally, I feel like I am losing my mind and I think that was my breaking point, when I started questioning myself and if I was wrong. I think my feelings are justified. I am looking for a therapist, and I am going to get myself back. I just wish DH would have saw this 3 years ago. I wish I wouldn't have tried to help, but then I would be the bitch that wouldn't help because it wasn't her child.

LizzieA's picture

Those are signs of being abused. I think your DH is very manipulative and "gaslighting" where they try to make you think you 1) are mistaken or 2) shouldn't mind or 3) are crazy is a sign of abuse.

Milomom's picture

Pantera, I am so sorry that this is all happening to you. You deserve better and when you are out on your own you will be SO GLAD you made the decision to leave.

I am also SO HAPPY that your SS10 is showing your DH his TRUE COLORS!! GOOD GOOD GOOD!! It seems like only when these skids' actions DIRECTLY AFFECT the DH do they finally see what the TRUTH is and how horribly their children behave.

Do not look at this as SS10 having any power to drive you away or ruin your marriage with DH. That was DH's responsibility and his choice to let it get to this point. How selfish of him. He has chosen the "path of least resistance" and the only way he will learn how stupid he was is to watch you walk out the door. What kind of man would actually CHOOSE to lose a loving, caring woman because he's too WEAK to parent his child properly? He should be getting his son some serious mental help & should be disciplining him - but instead, he CHOOSES not to - it's EASIER for him to blame YOU than to see his own faults and shortcomings. He's not a man, he's a mouse.

He and BM CHOOSE to parent their child this way (the non-parenting method) and they wonder why this is the result? A child that has no respect and behaves horribly.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve better. You have tried so hard to make this work. You've done all the work and because DH CHOOSES to ignore the problems with his son, he has caused the demise of your relationship - which, your relationship in itself, IMHO is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Be strong, Pantera and keep the faith. You are moving forward and in the right direction. I have so much respect for you, for your choice to have enough respect for YOURSELF to leave all of this dysfunction. It's not your fault, no matter how much your DH has made you feel that way for all these years.

(((((PANTERA))))). Keep us posted and good luck. We're all here for you.

Pantera's picture

Thank you for that. I have a feeling of guilt for getting married and leaving a year later. It disgusts me. I took a vow that I couldn't keep. I know this is whats best and DH did tell me that Im the best thing that ever happened to him and his only chance at having a real family and life. I will definitely still be around. This site has helped me immensely.

Pantera's picture

Thanks DPW. After I move, I am getting a passport. I am definitely taking a "take care of me weekend soon". I wish I had money, I could be the star of eat, pray, love, lol!!!