You are here

Separation Agreement

Pantera's picture

My separation agreement has been sent out. I am a little nervous. DH called this past Saturday to see how I was doing. I told him I was good, there was akward silence and then I got off the phone. He called 2 more times and left a message saying he just wanted to hear my voice and misses me. I didn't call back. Monday he went balistic. Called me at 3pm, then called non stop from 6pm-8:30pm (back to back). Leaving messages asking me to call him back, crying saying he misses me. I answered a couple of times around 7:30. He kept asking if I was seeing anyone, kept saying he missed me and that he was mad when I left and he's sorry he hurt me. He accused me of seeing my best friend since 7th grade (which is a guy)!!! And that best friend actually became his friend and they have hung out after the separation. Why does he think this? Because my best friend and his girlfriend broke up and now DH hangs out with her and she put it in his head that something was going on (because goodness love her, she is a paranoid, jealous freak (but i like her and we've always gotten along)). So WTF? Too much drama. I can't even believe DH started this crap with me after he screwed another woman 2 weeks after I left. So I told him to stop calling me and to leave me alone. I told him that at this point it was inappropriate to tell me he misses me and that its over and I am no longer his business (unless it has to do with the house). Then I got annoyed at 8:30pm and answered again. He said he was sorry for hurting me and he was crying and said he didn't care if I was seeing anyone, he just wanted to make sure I was ok. It was like a movie. You know, where they have to be nice to the hostage taker so they will calm down. So I was nice for about a minute and we got off the phone and he finally stopped calling. He didn't call yesterday so I hope that was a one time ordeal. I can't help but think he misses a clean house and home cooked meals or that his birthday is this Saturday and he wants attention. I am really trying to be civil, but this is the man that didn't want to work things out, it was over, screwed another woman, told me to go f myself and that he would never trust me because I left...So why now? Because I moved on and am happy with my life? YUCK. So now I am freaking out about when he gets the agreement. But other than that, life is great!!!

Comments

starfish's picture

sounds like he may go nutso when he gets the agreement... but stay strong and follow thru sista!

Pantera's picture

I know its a control thing. I will NEVER go there again, thats for sure. I had a freaking nightmare the other night that I went back and I woke up panting and sweating, lol. I can't believe that these are the kind of games I played into when I was with him.

Pantera's picture

And the thing is, there is no feeling sorry or angry or anything. There are no feelings at all for DH. I really could care less what happens with him from here on out. I hope he does find someone (someone more than a one nighter) so that he will leave me alone. I am so glad I got out of there.

Pantera's picture

I answered because I got 39 calls in 2 hours. I actually counted them last night. I talked to my lawyer about it yesterday. For now she said not to block his phone number. If it happens again his number will be blocked and anything he has to say he can say to my lawyer. Im not sure why she advised not to block him for now (maybe it has something to do with the agreement as far as getting him to sign it?).

He already got some "attention" which is how I started my process of moving on. I know he will find someone else and I hope he does it quickly.

Pantera's picture

And by the way, sometimes people need to be tough. But I get it. I just could'nt turn my phone off for work purposes and he was driving me nuts. I did find that I could turn his ringer onto silent so I will hear all other phone calls ring but not his (which will help if he does this again). He has not called again but I think he will when he gets the agreement. On top of it, I just realized that tomorrow is his birthday. I really hope he doesn't get the damn agreement on his birthday. UGHHHH!!!! Anyway, thanks for your advice.

skylarksms's picture

I read a quote one time that really has stuck with me during my suffering:

"Women suffer during the relationship and men suffer when the relationship is over."

Wishing you well!!

stormabruin's picture

Good to hear from you Pantera, & I'm so happy for you & the road you're on! You've done a really really good thing. Life can only get better from here. Smile

Pantera's picture

Thanks Smile

Rags's picture

Pantera,

I slept with someone else the night my XW told me she wanted a divorce. I figured that she had kept me on ice for most of our 2.5yr marriage so why wait any longer to jump back in to the single scene ..... so to speak. I called an old flame, went to dinner and did not come home until the AM. But, my XW moved out as soon as she told me she was divorcing me so there was no drama about my immediate hook up and my XW never knew ... still does not for that matter.

That said, your STBXH is a whack job. I never cussed out my XW during our divorce or shared with her any of my dating activities after she moved out.

I never called her after she left, but she called me regularly. Often crying about her latest pregnancy scare which was not my problem unless the child was the second comming of Christ since the only way she could have conceived a child with me the last 8mos of our marriage was through immaculate conception. We did hook up a few times during the divorce but not without major use of jimmy hats. I was not going to risk a mid divorce pregnancy with my XW. I always found it interesting that my XW was not interested in sleeping with me while we were married but pushed for regular hook ups during our divorce.

So, I completely understand having to deal with a whack job STBX.

Hang in there.

Good luck and best regards,