Enlightened by my 13 year old.
My DD13 was on a delay today so I decided to take her out for breakfast before school. Those who know my story know that DH is not speaking to me. Hasn't since I said SD17 and her hubby could not go on vacation with us. SD17 has not spoken to me since Christmas. I called out her lying and refused to agree with her rude remarks about her dad. Anyways....
DD tells me that DH, SD and herselft are suppose to go for dinner at MIL's house sometime this week.
ME - Really he didn't say anything to me about that.
DD - that is because the only way SD will go is if you are not there.
ME - O I C yeah I don't think your dad would want to tell me that.
DD- Why can't we just not see her until she grows up and acts normal again?
ME - That is my plan for now, but she is your dad's daughter and your sister.
DD- Yeah but you are more her parent than dad! Why does she get to say that you can't be there?
ME- long silence I was speachless
DD - I don't want to go with them and I don't think Grandma should have them over either.
ME- I agree with you SD should not be given the title as boss on this.
DD - If we can't go as a family we shouldn't go.
ME - What do you feel like you want to do then?
DD - IF you can't go I am not going. I see Grandma all the time. I can tell her why I didn't go. Grandma is always telling people how good you are to SD. She will understand and I think if she asks why you and I aren't there Dad should tell her because SD didn't want you there and I didn't go because I think that is crap. Grandma will think it's crap too.
ME- At least talk to your dad about it, don't surprise him as he is getting ready to walk out the door.
DD- MOM I wouldn't do that I am not SD
ME- I know. I am proud of who you are every day. I know you will tell him your side.
Thank goodness it was time to go to school. I am first of all amazed that she thinks I am more of a parent to SD than her dad was. Boy I really did screw that up. Not intentionally, but I did. I never should have taken that role on. I am mortified my daughter feels like this, yet I didn't say anything back about it.
Second - I never imagined my MIL had said kind things to others about me in the way a of raising her grandchild.
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Comments
Usually in situations like
Usually in situations like this, everyone except bio parent & kid can see how ridiculous things are.
YEah I am not sure that
YEah I am not sure that either of them know it. I sure thought they did, but guess not.
She is a savvy one thats for
She is a savvy one thats for sure. I just don't know how to address this further with her. I don't want her relationship with him to go down the tube too.
I think so too
I think so too
Smart kid ya got there! She
Smart kid ya got there!
She sounds awesome, just like you.
Awe very sweet of you to post
Awe very sweet of you to post that! Thanks I needed that.
I have never understood
I have never understood families that tolerated a child playing family tyrant.
I never realized I tolerated
I never realized I tolerated it. I was wrong.
Sounds like your DD should
Sounds like your DD should have a come to Jesus meeting with your SD.
There is nothing worse for an older sister, than when your younger sister tells you to grow up and stop behaving like the world owes you everything.
I wish that were the case
I wish that were the case with SD, but something tells me she is not going to care that her sister will call her out on this. That would mean that SD would have empathy for others.
I would like to think SD
I would like to think SD knows this. I am going to stand by my DD and her choice on this one.
I agree, kudos for raising DD
I agree, kudos for raising DD right. DH, on the other hand, would be spending years in the dog house.
I am not even sure at this
I am not even sure at this point if it is worth it to put him in the "dog house". I don't even care to fight about it. HE makes me sick to go along with this. I still don't know the reason why SD called her husband an ass and that is the only thing bothering me. WHY - well I do hope the guy is good to her. I want to know that is was just a stupid argument and they patched things up.
He did but didn't desire to
He did but didn't desire to share any information with me about it. Makes me sick!
Funny thing is I dont think
Funny thing is I dont think MIL has a clue about this. I have a feeling my DD will let her know. I just don't know if she will tell her before or after the dinner. I think it would have been much better if DH said lets get something to eat just you and me. That I would not have a problem with!
To have an intelligent,
To have an intelligent, intuitive, considerate young lady like your daughter means you are the same kind of Mom
It makes me so proud when my own biokids show the kind of strong and wonderful people they are in times of drama and stress with the step-side.
You are raising a great kid
Maybe DH should shut up and listen to her.
My daughter has been called
My daughter has been called an old soul before. I don't like to go on about her too much on here, but she is really is a loving and considerate child. She spends a lot of time with my younger sister who is handicapped. One day out of the blue she told me that if anything happens to me she will take care of her aunt. How she realized this has always been a worry of mine brought me to tears. Once when my SD said something hurtful about my sister my daughter said to her. You go to church right? SD says yeah every Sunday. DD said then you should know that angels are closer to people like Aunt Tiddle. Anything you say about her will get back to God pretty fast don't you think?!
It's great when your child is
It's great when your child is like this. My Dh should have known that he would not have gotten away with this with her. The fact that they get it without being coached and talked to about it all the time is wonderful. What i mean is I don't tell DD my problems. She feels them.
Your daughter rocks!!!! Not
Your daughter rocks!!!! Not always easy to do this day and age but you raised her to be a good one.
One thing that came to mind after reading the conversation you both had, maybe she will always avoid men who already have kids since she sees what SD's can be like. Keep up the great parenting!
My mother warned me not to
My mother warned me not to and I didn't listen. I hope by my DD actually seeing this first hand will realize it is not wise to get involved with a man with kids. Better yet she will be a lesbian and adopt
Either way I think she will be a great mother one day.
Yep sure is. BM, SD and the
Yep sure is. BM, SD and the judge were the only ones who needed to sign off on it. Mind blowing isn't it!