How long did it take your dhs to get on their asses after you threw your hands up?
I am sure that you are all sick of hearing about the laundry drama at my house. But once again neither skid brought me any clothes to wash this weekend.
Oh well, not my problem. I made it clear to them and Dh that I will do the clothes brought to me over the weekend, but don't expect me to lift a finger for those to lazy to bring it. So SD come to me this morning full of attitude and says "this (hold up a pair of dirty socks) is the only pair of socks I have in my room, I need the sock basket" (Note: the sock basket is where I throw stray sock that don't have a match when I am doing the laundry, and every so often of go and match them back up as best I can).
Me: well, had you brought me your dirty clothes to wash like you are supposed to then you'd have a full drawer of socks. But you know where the sock basket is, so have at it...... Now, had she nicely asked for the sock basket I wouldn't have said anything back other than go ahead. But her shitty attitude was basically acusuing me that it was my fault that he had no socks.
SD: I did bring you all my clothes, you just did do them.
Me: excuse me, no you did not. Your laundry basket is over flowing with clothes. And do not speak to me that way.
SD: starts to run her mouth again
Me: close your mouth right now. Do not say another word. You did not bring me clothes to wash.
Dh: from across the house- so she has no school clothes to wear?
Me: no she has school clothes. I've bought her two weeks worth of school clothes. What she doesn't have is socks. But that means she has piles of dirty socks in her room somewhere because she has over three weeks worth of socks.
Dh: so she didn't bring you any clothes this weekend?
Me: nope, neither of them did.
Dhs solution? He tells SD and SS to leave their laundry in front of our door and he will do it. Doesn't speak to them, doesn't chastise them, not even annoyance in his voice. So once again no consiquence for them. He just picks up the slack. And doesn't say anything.g to SD for disrespecting me, talkin.g back, or out right lying about giving me her clothes.
Just got a call from the skids school. I ignored it, and apparently they called Dh after me. Even though the skids were specifically told that they could not do the school fundraiser, apparently ss10 put in orders for cookie dough anyways. They are calling because we need to go pick it up and pay for it. I am so sick of these kids just doing whatever the heck they want. Dh tried to day that maybe my mom came to visit and ordered it. Yeah, schools only been in session since mid august and my moms last visit was in May. This cookie dough order was from the first fundraiser......and he tried to sneak an order in on the second fundraiser last week as well. Dhs rationalization- well, this was before we caught his this last time. And all kids do this kind of stuff, I know I did.
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I am still trying to wrap my
I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you are doing clothes for this girl. Isn't she old enough to do them herself? Even if she isn't, I would NOT wash clothes for anyone that talked to me like that.
I've thought about that a
I've thought about that a lot, and had a bunch of people on ST suggest that to me. I really think that would increase my aggrivation and stress, not decrease it.
1. SD isn't allowed in my bedroom and the laundry room is off my bedroom. I do not want to give her an excuse to snoop through and take my things again.
2. If I made SD do her own laundry, then I would have to make SS do his as well. With only one washer, there would be constant fighting for the machines, whose turn it is, leaving clothes sitting in the machines. I like being able to do my own laundry whenever I see fit and knowing that I have an empty machine.
3. I fear my machine would be broken, or whole loads of clothes ruined, and then its coming out of the household budget to fix/replace.
4. The clothes wouldn't get cleaned and there would be a litany of excuses (mommy didn't let me use the washer, it was always busy, the baby was napping evrrytime I tried and could go in the room (baby sleeps in our room) ect ect.
5. Their clothes would smell like mildew, be a wrinkled mess and they'd look like bums, and Id have to hear it from Dh.
The hassel of running, drying and florid.g two extra loads is far smaller than the aggrivation of making them do it themselves.
"SD isn't allowed in my
"SD isn't allowed in my bedroom and the laundry room is off my bedroom. I do not want to give her an excuse to snoop through and take my things again." is the only legitimate excuse out of the 5 you listed.
I was in charge of the laundry in my home. When SD12 was here she would not put the clothes in the hall hamper outside her door. What ever she didn't pack to go back to BM's would stay on her bedroom floor. What she did pack, went home dirty. BM was not happy with our home rule...oh, well.
Every once in awhile, DH would get involved with laundry and things that we had for the SS's would end up going back to BM's, her things would end up in there drawers and it would be chaos. I often threatened DH that is he wanted to do the laundry to let me know because I would be glad to let it go.
About 6 weeks ago, DH decided to give the SS's a list of chores to do and then pay them an allowance. My personal opinion is that the skids should do their own laundry without being paid but they are his kids.
Anyway, I saw his "parenting" as a way to make it my opportunity to disengage from the laundry scene. Both skids have a laundry basket in their rooms and the hallway hamper is still there. When the skids are at school or back at BM's, I walk around the "common area's" of our home and pick up clothes that were never picked up by the skids and put them into the hall hamper. If they can't take the time to pick up their clothes, I'm not taking the time to figure out who's is who's.
The skids are in charge of their own laundry and DH is in charge of making that happen now. Does it get done like I THINK it should be done? Hell NO! And it doesn't need to be either. Clothes are washed when the 3 of them decide to do it. They wash them, dry them and they sit in baskets. Not all the laundry is ever put away and not all the laundry is washed either.
When they go back to BM's, they pack their bags. Stuff is always missing..oh, well.
I wash DH and my laundry only. I do the wash before skids come over. You can find a day and time that is good for you to do your laundry.
Peanut, you need to lay off the excuses and think of yourself. If DH is unwilling to have his children respect you and appreciate you, then GIVE HIM THE RESPONSIBILITY! If he is saying put the laundry at the front door of your bedroom and he'll do it...take it as your opportunity!
1. If the washer breaks...he will know who broke it.
2. If the baby is napping excuse comes into play, make a nap time schedule and rule.
3. Let DH decide if SS is going to wash his laundry or maybe he's going to do all the laundry.
4. If the skids look like bums...oh well. DH and the skids issue....NOT YOURS!!
I recently saw a therapist who pointed something out to me and I'll use your situation to explain it.
You are in a game of "Tug of War" On your side: There is you and the laundry and how you want to control it. On DH's side: The skids, bashing SM and the manipulation of the laundry. Both sides are pulling like crazy on the rope.
The therapist said to me "let go of the rope". They will fall or lose their balance either way things will shift. DH and the skids may or may not step up to the plate, BUT THEY will SURVIVE.
I hope you choose to let go of the rope. I did and I am continuing to let go, I'm feeling better.
Also...Have you set your DH
Also...Have you set your DH down and told him that he is under minding you? I think I would tell him that for your sanity, things have to change. If you two disagree on something to do with the skids, he gets final say, but ALL issues and responsibility is on his head. You need to give control of skid laundry over to him. COMPLETELY over to him!
This needs to be done on all aspects where he trumps you over the kids.
In our home laundry is my
In our home laundry is my chore. Dh does dishes. We split everything else.
Sd kept bringing me the same clothes to wash over and over. It never got put away, would end up in the floor and back in the laundry. I mentioned it to dh and he said something to sd. Second time, I told him the next time I was done. It only took a day or so...and I showed sd how to seperate, wash, dry and fold her clothes. I was washing a full basket of sd's clothes every 2-3 days. Dh and I have that much laundry together. Or she would bring me her school clothes for the next day at 9 or 10 at night. Seriously? It was the best decision I ever made.
Looks like we were typing at
Looks like we were typing at the same time...I see your point about the laundry room.
on some things, fdh stepped
on some things, fdh stepped right up on after i disengaged. but for the most part, he continued to let sd do whatever she wanted to. she had a habit of missing school once or twice a week due to laziness, i mean "being sick". he never caught on to how she was never sick on a break from school, over the summer, or on weekends. and she was always miraculously "much better now" at 2:30 when her friends and bf got out of school. i used to bitch at him all the time about letting her get away with that shit. after i disengaged, she came up to our room and whined that she was sick again one morning. he told her to go downstairs and he would be down. then he asks me what he should do. i told him i didn't care, he could do whatever he wanted to. he asked me what i would do. i told him he knows what i would do, but do whatever he wants to. that was the first time ever that he made her go to schoo when she faked sick. any other time, his lame excuse was that "schools don't like you to send in sick kids". i told him she WAS NOT SICK, that was the f'g point!
he still didn't make her do her chores, he would do them for her if i got pissed off enough. he still did her laundry for her that she had all day to do but decided to not start until bedtime, he still never put a lid on her cocky mouth, still didn't step up and take care of gifts, etc. i didn't make her a stocking the first Christmas after i disengaged, and he "forgot". so he went to the grocery store Christmas morning and got candy for her.
i'm not sure if he still expected me to do everything or what, but i had told him i was DONE. she appreciates nothing, she criticizes everything i do for her, so i am done. for all the bitching and not liking anything i did do for her, she sure did notice when i stopped!
sorry for ranting. bottom line is, when i disengaged, fdh had to do some things himself, but as for actually teaching her how to be a decent human being, he didn't do it. she still got away with everything and never faced a punishment or consequence for a damn thing.
Peanut, I totally agree with
Peanut,
I totally agree with you. I like to be in charge of MY laundry room! I don't mind doing thR laundry for SD11. What I don't tolerate is not having it in the laundry room to do it. I don't go in her room and get it she had to bring it down for me to do. I will fold it and she has to put it away! I do have a problem with her mixing up some of her clean clothes with her dirty ones! I get on her ass for that! But I would rather wash the clothed that I spend money on and have them done the right way and I don't want her to touch my washer and dryer! Maybe I'm just a control freak but I like it that way! I'm on your side girl!