How will they reconsile their childhood memories with their dislike of me?
Took a half day at work today to go to BS3s Pumpkin Party and school and carve pumpkins with his class. He was so excited that I came (only 4 parents came from the two classes that I saw, I was the only one from his class). I can't even tell you how many hugs, I love yous and thank you for comings I got from him. I think this is something he will remeber for a long time.
It got me to thinking how few memories like this he will have of Dh. Dh doesn't do any of this kind of stuff with him. It's me that does all the school stuff, does crafts, does baking, takes him trick or treating, plays with him ect ect. Dh will play with him here and there, but for the most part he's not involved. I am constantly having to push Dh to participate in things. Dh doesn't go into work until 3, so he could have gone to BSs class and not missed any work, he just chose not to go.
THEN, I got to thinking how the skids have no childhood memories with their bms at all. And very few with Dh. I am their primary parent. I am the one doing Easter baskets with them, openning stockings, trick or treating, going to the park, taking the to swimming lessons, going to their school events. Dh if present at all, is just hanging in the background.
SD already hates me. SS still likes/loves me but things are getting strained as he gets older. How are they going to look back on their childhoods? All their good happy memories will be of me, the evil step mom. So will they remember their childhood as a horrible experiance? Will the just 'write me out" of the memory and pencil in their dad?
I know no one has the answers, just pondering....
- PeanutandSons's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
The bms are completely
The bms are completely absentee. They don't even visit but once every few years.
I do feel bad, but I can't make their mothers give a shit. I can't make.my Dh care to make these memories with them. And I can't make them appreciate the memories that I am making with them. It was just sad when I thought about it. Not only sad for them,but sad for me too. To realize that all the stuff I do is probably wasted effort, and that they will never appreciate any of it. And will most likely never even aknowledge that it ever took place....
I'm the same as smmelissa. I
I'm the same as smmelissa. I was hell on wheels to my stepdad all the way through college. I didn't have the greatest image of him in my mind, always considered him to be super strict and scary. I was a good kid in the sense that I never got in trouble and never talked back but oooohhhhh did I seethe with hatred. However, by the time I got into law school we were having lunch once a week (he works at the school I went to) and now when I bring my skids along he treats them like his own (sometimes better) and loves spending time with them. He is supportive of my career, my decisions and my relationship because like he said, pay back is a bitch.
You never know how they will respond when they get older. Some of it may just be that they are teenagers and they hate you because they can. They will likely change and feel differently when they are older. Take a deep breath and hang in there. Kids are assholes, bio or otherwise, but if they are anything like me, they will come around.
Sadly, they aren't teens yet.
Sadly, they aren't teens yet. They are 9.5 and almost 11. So "teenage angst" doesn't apply yet.... This is just who they are.
I think SS will probably see it all objectively when he is older and realize how much I did for them. But I really don't think there's any chance that SD ever will.
I think they just choose to
I think they just choose to make their reality whatever they want it to be because "steps" aren't REAL parents so they can just feel justified in treating us any way they choose.
My YSD17 didn't contact us for 9 months, fought with her BM and wanted to move back in with us which lasted a total of 2.5 months. She announced she would be happier with a friend and left to live with a friend (BM has legal custody). However, she told everyone we kicked her out. After spending over $1000.00 for a new bed, bedding, decorations for her room, clothes, etc. Yeah, that's exactly what we did because we just. Whatever. The sick and sad part is I think she really believes her own story.