Random thought.... Do you encourage your bios to have the same relationship with the steps as with each other?
Let me clarify before I start this, that I never do anything to prevent my BIOS from bonding with the steps, or ever mention that my boys are full siblings and the steps are only half.
I've just noticed a bit of a double standard. Both of my steps have siblings through their mother that they have no contact with. Ss10 has two older brothers and Sd9 has an older sister and younger brother and sister. No one seems at all concerned about that 'sibling bond'.
But for some reason everyone makes a HUGE deal about them being related to my kids. Contantly mentioning and trying to re-enforce that they are brothers or brother and sister. And they are constantly on the look out for anything that even remotely looks like my two boys are "closer" than with the other kids. And somehow everyone thinks that it is MY job to make sure that all the kids feel like they are full siblings.
I don't know if its just age or what, but the skids are closer to each other than to my kids. And, quite honestly, I don't see it as my job to correct that. I make sure that my boys have a good relationship, and I hope that they grow up to be close. But isn't that their dads job to facilitate all of his kids develop positive relationships?
Is the difference that the skids live with my kids full time? But should that really make a difference? Shouldn't Dh (and all the loud mouth family members) be just as concerned about them forming bonds with their other half siblings?
How much do you guys push relationships between your BIOS and the steps? As much as between your BIOS, or do you just let it sort itself out?
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I think it depends on the age
I think it depends on the age of the kids involved.
I did everything humanly possibly to "blend" as siblings SD and my bios. They are, for all intents and purposes, full siblings. I planned all birthday parties when she was with us, I planned our fun activities when she was with us, etc.
My other steps? Not so much. But all the kids were older (teens) by then, so I'm not sure it mattered much.
The skids are 10 (almost 11)
The skids are 10 (almost 11) and 9.5. My BIOS are 3yrs and 5months.
The skids live with us full time, and quite frankly I don't think it has occurred to any of them that theres a difference between half and full siblings. The skids know that I am not their bio mom, but I don't think bs3 knows that yet. So there's no 'divide' between them at all, but the skids are just closer to each other.
Dh gets bent out of shape at times that 'they arevall brothers and sister'.... But never does anything to try and strength the bond. I ppersonally think its just an age thing.... Since there's never a time where we don't act as one family.
I guess what I am confused about is why no one (the biomoms included) care in the least if they have any relationship with their other half siblings.
I gave up blending when ss
I gave up blending when ss refered to his sbrother on his mothers side as brother and revered to my bio with dh as his HALF sister.
My daughters are 6 yrs apart. Dd19 comes home from college at least once a month for sister time, she also makes great effort to be at sporting activities and school performances. Sd could.t be bothered with attending.
And yes I did push my kids to have a close bond. I tried to incorporate skids, but gave up like I said when BM was married for 1 yr and the kids receded to the steps as siblings, yet dh and I had been married for 10 yrs and it was STEP or HALF.
Even full siblings are
Even full siblings are generally closer to one of the sibs than another. It's ridiculous to expect they have to be "equally as close".
Is that fairly typical? That
Is that fairly typical? That people 'value' full siblings higher than half siblings?
All my siblings are full, and I didn't grow up knowing anyone with a half sibling, so I just don't know.
All of dhs siblings are half, he has no full siblings.... So maybe that's where his issue comes from? That he never felt fully accepted in either sibling group?
I guess I ment more valued by
I guess I ment more valued by the individual, not more valued by society.
Like if you have full and a half siblings....do you consider the full sibling to be MORE your sibling than the half?
i don't push at all. sd is
i don't push at all. sd is 20, bd is 17, bs is 4. bs4 is the brother of both sd and bd. he is closer to bd for sure. they live together. he doesn't live with sd and barely sees her. bd babysits after school while i'm at work. bs adores her. it's only natural that he's closer to the one he lives with and sees every day. it's not my job to make sure bs and sd have a relationship. she's an adult, she can do it herself. i do believe that she is jealous of the family we have. i think she's jealous of my place in fdh's life and that bd sees him more, i think she's jealous that bs has his dad in his life every day, which is something she didn't have, but she can blame her whoring mother for that. i also think it bothers her that bd and i have a better relationship than she and bm have, and that bd is in bs's life every day. so pretty much every relationship in this family is something she has shown signs of being upset over. i think that's why she was in such a yank to get pregnant. she wants this family for herself. another story there.
i have never tried to keep her away from bs. the couple of times she has asked to have him, i let her. and i'm sure she had a great time in the mall with him, probably basking in the idea that people might think he was her and her bf's child. (eye roll). i invite her to his bday parties. she sees him at Christmas. i do nothing to keep them apart, but i do nothing to encourage more time for them to be together, either.
There's a fairly big age gap
There's a fairly big age gap between my bios (they're 14 and nearly 17) and the skids (who are 7 and 9). My BS14 doesn't have much to do with the skids. My BD will talk to them, but she doesn't play with them and I refuse to allow her to be used as a babysitter. Not going to happen.
DH's sister has asked a couple of times if they all get along. I just smile and say 'sure'. They don't argue at least, mostly because they don't have a lot to do with each other or a lot in common because of the age gap.