Deadbeat Mother
I have heard many people talk about the "deadbeat dads" out there. But there are so many Deadbeat Mothers too. My SS11 has just such a mother.
I look at the struggles he has with his autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and behavior issues and I get frustrated. But then I remember just how rough of a time he has had.
His mother, who is also bipolar, left him (and his father, who is also has a high functioning form of autism)because she could not handle living with a son with special needs. This after a long, protracted case of postpartum depression. This after her BS was getting in trouble with the law and school. This after a suicide attempt. She up and left in the middle of the night. Took her oldest BS. Left my SS11, who was at that time 4-years-old.
There was no warning; she was just gone. And she went hundreds of miles away. Then she returned; moved in across the street from her now-ex husband and son. Then she decided she couldn't do that anymore either. And again moved hundreds of miles away taking her eldest son with her but leaving her youngest son behind.
He has abandonment issues because of all of this. And I try to be understanding. I have been in his life since he was 7 years old. He is now 11. I can only hope that I can be the Mother that she never can be for him.
She pays no CS because she is disabled and cannot work. She was until just recently homeless. Now she is renting a room from friends. The extent of her parenting for SS11 is to send him letters once every 6 months or so. She calls him on the phone, last time was to tell him that she was homeless and in the hospital throwing up with the flu (what is he supposed to do with that info?). She sends him birthday presents sometimes. And Christmas presents sometimes too. But she really doesn't know what he is into and seems to think he is still a 4 year old baby.
She did come visit last Mother's Day. And Stayed At My Flippin' House Because She Couldn't Afford a Hotel.
I have already told DH, that is NOT happening this year.
I want SS11 to know his BM. She is, after all, the BM. But I know who is real mother is...and so does he.
- Pecanflower's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SD15 has a deadbeat mother.
SD15 has a deadbeat mother. She had SD for a bit when SD was a baby, but then somewhere along the way, GBM ended up taking over total care of SD15 right up until about a year ago when SD moved in with us. SD probably would have stayed with GBM if it wasn't for BM who is such a freaking loser. She hasn't had a "residence" in over 4 years, she just expects that GBM will put her up whenever she doesn't have a man that will. BM is preggo with baby #5 with baby daddy #3. She has 3 other girls with baby daddy #2 and he has all three of those girls. She has never paid a dime in child support, although hopefully that will change SOON since paperwork is all completed and DH is planning on filing within the next week. She is also on disability and hasn't worked in years, but DH decided that even if she only has to pay him a dollar a month, it's the principle of it.... SD15 is HER daughter and she should be responsible for her in SOME way.
Geesh... DH swears BM1 was "normal" when he was screwing around with her, but I just find that hard to believe, because I don't know how you go from "normal" to hard core straight up white trailer trash, loser, POS???