OT-Princess Popcorn update and need to whine
Well, Princess Popcorn had her surgery last week and it went well. The only problem was later that afternoon when the vet checked her temperature. It was lower than it needed to be, which was probably due to the anesthesia. The vet offered to take her home with her and monitor her. She also took home a machine called a bair hugger, which kept my little fur Princess warm. So Princess Popcorn had a sleepover at the vet's house. She was fine the next day. So far, she is recovering beautifully. She goes back to the vet Thursday for post op incision check and post op bloodwork. I cannot say enough nice things about the vet. She has been wonderful!
I need to be whiny for a minute now. My daughter graduated from high school today. I understand that no one is obligated to attend these things, so it's not like I'm going to call and scream at anyone for not being there. But I do get to have my feelings. Right now I am feeling very disappointed in my mother. Not to mention a little worried. There were of course other family who weren't there. Some had to work, someone else I guess had something else going on and couldn't come. I understand that. But my mother just chose not to be there. My daughter's feelings were hurt. She wanted her grandma there, but ever since Covid hit she refuses to go out in public. For two years she wouldn't let any of us in the house. We respected that. She started letting us come over again back in fall of '22. She says she isn't ready to be around people.
It brought even more grief for me over my dad. He died before my kids were even thought of. If he was here he would have been there with bells on. Even if we were in the middle of a pandemic. He wouldn't let that stop him from being there to see his granddaughter get her diploma. The only thing that would have stopped him from being there would be if he wasn't allowed due to restrictions. Every milestone my kids hit I think of him and how he should be here to see it, and how proud he would be. Yet she IS alive and won't even try to come out of the house. My uncle did come, which helped. Him being there was a reminder of what I DO still have. He has actual health issues but wanted to be there to support my daughter. But my mother couldn't be bothered. Part of me is a little worried about her mental state, with her refusing to even go inside a grocery store. Ok, whining over for now but reserve the right whine more later.
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Is your mom old enough to
Is your mom old enough to potentially be starting some mental decline?
I know you and your daughter are hurt.. and I'm sorry she couldn't be there for her.. but it sounds like this isn't a new behavior for her.. and that the pandemic is not over for your mom.. and that it's having an ongoing impact on her ability to lead a normal life. Do you think she would go with you to a therapist or DR.. it sounds like her aversion is extreme.
Possible dementia maybe? Yes
Possible dementia maybe? Yes, she's in her 70's so it's not outside the realm of possibility. Her own mother was in her 80's when her mental health started going downhill and her aunt was either late 80's or early 90's. It's like a switch flipped when covid hit.
I doubt she'd even entertain the thought of going to either. She has blockages in two arteries that she won't see about. This was back in 2019 when she found out about it. I was trying to talk her into getting a bypass and she kept insisting that she would wait until it got worse. The only one she might halfway listen to is my sister, her favorite child. I don't know if this could be age related mental decline or something else, like extreme anxiety, which she would never admit to. I have anxiety issues and she was not very supportive when I was younger.
Good news about your kitty!
Good news about your kitty! Congratulations to your daughter, my BD18 graduates next week and I’m a wreck lol. I’m sorry your mother chose not to attend, but at the end of the day the most important person was there for her and that’s you. My own mother is already telling me she won’t be attending BD18’s graduation next week if it’s to hot out. We live in the desert and it’s outdoors, so it will probably be warm. I have noticed my mom has started doing this around important events to try and see how I will react, I don’t because I really don’t care, she’s the one missing out not me.
True, she would have been
True, she would have been more hurt/sad if I didn't or couldn't come. This is not like my mom at all. Before the pandemic, she wasn't social, but would show up for her grandchildren, and had no problem going to the grocery store. She even was friendly with some of the employees.
Your mom = my YSD18.
Your mom = my YSD18.
Since Covid she refuses to be in public places unless she HAS to like bus to school or be at school. And even then she avoids if possible. Wears a mask still everywhere there my be potential contact with another unknown person, even if it's outside. No restaurants, no grocery store, nothing.
I do think it is a mental thing too.
Sorry about your daughter, hopefully she knows it's not her fault or reflects on her.
I admit I was scared to go
I admit I was scared to go out in public, but I still did it. I wore a mask, stayed away from people. Then I got Covid. After that I didn't worry. I was forced to face my fears then and just went on with my life. My daughter I think is disappointed, hurt, maybe a bit mad. She told me she didn't know if she'd even want her there if she changed her mind because of how she's been acting lately. The way she responded when we asked if she'd be there was very off putting and hurt my daughter's feelings. My son got upset too on behalf of my daughter and they fight like cats and dogs sometimes.
I was about to PM you for a
I was about to PM you for a Princess update. Glad surgery was successful and PP is doing well!
Whine away. It helps to get things out of your system.
Is your mom introverted or habitually unsociable? Some jumped on the chance of continuing to use the pandemic as a way to minimize contact.
Mom has always been somewhat
Mom has always been somewhat antisocial but would still get out and grocery shop, she came to one football game to see my daughter in the halftime show before the pandemic. She has said she hates people but would still show up for her kids and grandkids. So she hated most everybody but us and a few others. She was friendly with some store employees. I think she tended to exaggerate saying she hated anybody. She's a grumpy old woman but not hateful.
She did somewhat use Covid as an excuse to stay away from people but now it's just extreme.
Congratulations
Your mother needs a mental health check up. Seeing someone who has MD after there name to see what's going on.
I don't know if she needs an
I don't know if she needs an MD, a therapist, or both. With her age, I can't rule out this being age related in addition to a mental problem. Or one or the other. She wouldn't go see anyone though. She's always been a stubborn human, worse than me. She certainly wouldn't listen to me. She might listen to my sister but I don't know if even she could get through to our mother. My sister seems to be her favorite and always has been. My brother and I have talked about how worried we are, but I think he knows as well as I do that she won't listen to us.
That was another thing too.
That was another thing too. I didn't get to take any pictures of her with anyone. Not me, husband, son, MIL or uncle. It was like, graduation is over, everybody get out. Then my son and I had to go find my daughter. Thank goodness for cell phones. We kept texting each other until my son spotted her. My husband had to wheel my MIL out to beat the crowd. My uncle needed to beat the crowd where he wouldn't have problems getting to where he was parked. He's got heart issues and can't push himself too much. Having to push through a crowd would have been harder for him. It was hard enough for me and I'm in pretty good health. So he didn't even get to talk to her but they did talk on the phone later.
It was different at my own graduation where I got pictures with my dad and got to actually talk to the ones who were there. My daughter graduated with honors. We're super proud of her. I hope that my mother not attending and the way she responded to my daughter and I asking her to be there won't be what she thinks about when she looks back on yesterday.
My husband was recently in
My husband was recently in the ER with low temperature. He also got a bair hugger. But nobody offered to take him home. Darn.
My grandparents were never involved in my life at all. Odd relationship with my Dad I guess. They were kind when I saw them, but that's it. I still have feelings about it all these years later. Whine away.
My daughter and I are cold
My daughter and I are cold natured and would probably love the bair hugger. I hope your husband is doing better.
My grandparents were pretty involved. Mom wanted both sets involved because she wanted what she didn't have. My kids never have had a grandfather. FIL wasn't in my husband's life and died before the kids were born anyway. My dad would have been involved but sadly he died before they were born. MIL is in a nursing home with dementia and before then we had to set hard boundaries with her. She wanted to take over my kids, particularly my daughter.
Mom has always respected our wishes so she was given more opportunities to be involved. Now it feels like she couldn't care less if she gets to see any of us.
Your mom could be ignoring
Your mom could be ignoring you because she knows something is not right with her memory and wants to hide it from family. It's a possability. If she has heart issues, this could contribute to possible memory and/or personality changes as well.
Can you or your sister go to a doctor's appointment with her and express concern?