Wish I knew this before I fell in love with a single dad....
:O well where do I begin! I am a single mom of a 17 year old and live in Canada, my boyfriend is a single dad that lives in the USA with Son 19/ Daughter 17. I have traveled down the stay with my Boyfriend for 4 months and my son remains in Canada.
I have HUGE issues with the kids! like HUGE! I am pulling out my hair! The son is 19 years old and type 1 diabetic; whom was just in the hospital last week cause he lied about taking his insulin. When I visited last summer he would heat pounds of sugary foods and well....almost killing himself in the process. He eats my food and uses my shit and took my friends money without asking! The Daughter is LAZY and manipulative to her father!
My Boyfriend raised these kids on their own..he did what he could in a crappy situation with a emotionally distant mother for his kids...BM is hardly ever around. So there is major abandonment issues there, my boyfriend did remarry with another women and that relationship with a epic failure!
Now here I am (girlfriend and soon to be wife No. 3?) Yea Im nuts I know. This week we got a marriage certificate and was ready to run down the aisle and well I halted that! The daughter is a brat whom recently just became sexually active with her boyfriend..and since then she lies and schemes to see him all the time if she can get away with it. My boyfriend is SO afraid of losing his kids he hardly discipline them (tbh they are good kids..don't party and smoke etc...) their flaw is that they are behind in the growth of life...
I never imagined how bloody hard it is! and wish I had known this BEFORE I fell in love with this wonderful man! (facepalm) I resent the girl, she is a brat, spoiled; hardly does a thing to help out; you have to pull teeth to get her to pitch in and OH! did I mention the crocodile tears when I call her on her shit? And the son is in college and well time to fly the nest little birdy- but does shit with his health to put a halt to that cause dad freaks out! My boyfriend made it clear that he does not want to lose his kids..but as a new person in this relationship...I often feel the outsider...and as I type this his daughter is kissing up to daddy right now....ugh Im so frustrated!
Anyway, Id love to hear your stories...maybe input too; just to know I am not alone helps somewhat...
- Phelan's blog
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Comments
Really?? You think love is
Really?? You think love is enough? It is not! If you cannot stand these kids now and you do not live there and have to engage with them on a regular basis you will want to pull your fingernails out. I wish I had this website when I was sooo in love with a man with 2 darling daughters, ugh.
Why rush into marriage and leave your bioson behind. YOu will live to regret that move, I would bet money on it.
If your BF hasn't achieved a
If your BF hasn't achieved a a parenting and household style similar to yours on his own then it is way too late for you to try to change it. Reality is that is the kind of Dad he is, and he's been parenting this way for many years. His children are too old for a new parent figure to step in and start changing the rules. It would only cause resentment and cause friction with your bf. So if you feel annoyed and uncomfortable with the status quo in that house then you need to accept that that is not something you are going to be able to change significantly, and decide if you could live with it. It's not their fault or your fault, you just have different expectations and comfort zones and either you or them is going to feel frustrated and bent out of shape if you're forced into the others way of doing things. If you can't live with things pretty much as they are then I would suggest that you either continue long distance dating until his children move out, or you reconsider your relationship with this man.