Skids won’t relent….
Please bear with me while I tell this story... I'm super frustrated and disappointed with my partner's kids, and generally exhausted from their BS.
For context: they are three adult women, in their 30's.
My partner and I have been together for 10 years. Their mother passed away about a year before he and I started dating.
We are in a very happy, fulfilling, committed relationship, and plan to spend the rest of our lives together.
They have never accepted our relationship, and have basically disowned my partner because he has not caved to their efforts to control his life, and convince him to leave our relationship.
And when I say they have tried to separate us, they have tried everything.
They have bashed us on social media.
They took him to a counseling session under false pretenses, then ganged up on him to try to pressure him into dumping me.
The eldest had a daughter a few years ago, and refuses to let him see his granddaughter because he and I are together.
They don't invite him anywhere ever because ge has made it clear that I am his partner, and therefore any invitation to a group function needs to include me.
They have used a secondary property of his - a cabin in the mountains - whenever they feel like it, and brought other people to stay there for get-togethers, even though he and I are not invited - to his own house. He finally got fed up with this, changed the locks, and told them the cabin is off limits.
They’ve tried every manipulation tactic they can think of.
By the way these women have never even met me in person. I’ve tried, and my partner had tried for us to meet, at least over a cup of coffee. They refuse.
When my partner got sick and ended up in the hospital when we were abroad a couple of years ago, I kept them updated on his condition the whole time. I am positive they would not have done the same for me.
My partner's brother and sister in law agree that their behavior is unreasonable. Extended family members have tried talking to the daughters, only to get their heads bitten off.
I know there is nothing that can be done to change their behavior, but it’s still very hurtful, even after all these years. My partner and I are good people, we have done nothing wrong, and do not deserve to be treated this way.
Thank you all for listening, I’m grateful a forum like this exists.
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Comments
Such a shame that they don't
Such a shame that they don't care, at all, about their father's happiness. They would rather he be alone?
I'm sure their mother would not want them acting like this. So selfish.
In the end, they are robbing themselves (and any grandchildren) of time with their father, which I hope they really regret one day. But, that is on them.
I'm glad that your partner does not cave to their manipulations, even though it must be hard for him. I know you feel sad for him, but this is THEIR choice, it is not your fault, nor your partner's.
Thank you, yes, they are the
Thank you, yes, they are the ones making this unfortunate choice. Of course in their minds, this is all our fault. Sigh.
I married into a family where
I married into a family where the females had free rein and the males wouldn't stand up to them. This created a dysfunctional dynamic with all the hallmarks of toxic female behaviors - backstabbing, manipulation, triangulation etc. My DH's sisters and daughters caused so much drama over the years before I finally accepted he was never going to assert himself and I fully disengaged.
You're in a similar relationship. You didn't make these toxic women, nor did you break them. Their issues are both old and deep, going back to before their mom died. They hate you simply because you exist, and your H for a combination of reasons that, again, have nothing to do with you. These adult women are still their mommee's soldiers, united and bonded in their war against their dad.
The best thing you can do is, choose happiness. Make the mental changes to delete these toxic witches from your mind and move forward in a healthy way. Focus on your marriage and your own happiness, period. I did this over a decade ago, and was surprised at 1) how quickly my DH joined me in disengagement, and 2) how well he's dealt with the reality of things.
You are so spot on on every
You are so spot on on every point. The manipulation and triangulation is insane. It is psychological abuse. I'm so glad your H, like mine, was at to disengage from the insanity.
I hope he has a will and they
I hope he has a will and they won't benefit from it.
Are you saying your husband
Are you saying your husband was widowed? Were they still married when his late wife died, or did they divorce?
Doesn't make a whole lotta difference. In fact, it might be worse if they divorced and the daughter's blame your husband for the split.
Whatever the case, their mother is now on a pedestal of sainthood. She can do no wrong and her daughters have a toxic notion that daddy is supposed to be alone for the rest of his life to "honor" their mother.
I've been in a relationship with a widower for 4.5 years and while his daughter is kind to me, there is always this presence of the LW just in the periphery. Despite living with him for 18 months, his LW's shoes are on the shoe rack with his near the back door. A few key pieces of her decor are in the house where she never lived and he still has her ashes - nearly 9 years after her death. No, they are not in an urn. Rather, they sit in a clear plastic bag on a shelf in the former family home - very disrespectful if you ask me. On her death bed she asked him to scatter her ashes here and there as he traveled the world. He's just recently started to travel again after Covid. But I'd wager it will take him eons to finish scattering them as he must take a tablespoon at a time.
Anyway, dead parents are saints and it sounds as if your husband's daughters are dysfunctional and manipulative.
I'm glad he stands up for you.
How is your situation going?
How is your situation going? Did he start therapy yet?
That level of dedication to
That level of dedication to toxicity is truly demented.
Good riddance to them being out of your lives. I know it breaks your SO's heart, however, his write off of them due to their chosen toxity is commendable. More commendable is his dedication to you and the life you share and his defence of that life you have together.
Take care of you.
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!
Disengagement is the way to go
If your puts these kids above you,, he should be your ex SO. SD are making him to make a choice. You or them. There's no middle in there book. It's up to him. He will try to keep everyone happy but you just can't
Exactly. They have forced him
Exactly. They have forced him to make a choice, and it didn't go the way they were counting on.
Open Hatred
I have an SD whom never liked me and now openly despises me. Shes very toxic and hasnt really changed much over time, hasnt really do ne much to progress herself. Blames me for "taking away her dadeeeeeee". Despite the fact that he as expressed he wants a relationship with her, wants to spend time, take her out for dinners etc, she doesnt answer his calls, doesnt have time, is too busy, etc. She has told him via text "your just my sperm donor your not my dad"...
Its all very sad for him, and frustrating for me. And you have THREE of the harpies? YIKES. But yes, you are doing the right thing in remaining disengaged. And he is doing the right thing standing firm by your side. Cabin off limits until they can get their heads out of their butts.
Now, life insurance and wills, if you havent yet done these now is a great time. I have life insurance husband has life insurance with me as sole benny. He trusts me to do the right thing. I have decided that I will not communicate directly if something medical happens, I will have someone designated to get the word out to the right people. I know myself and I dont need that kind of stress.
Yep, these three have the
Yep, these three have the same 'you've taken dadeeeee away' attitude. It's so immature and divorced from reality. It's amazing to me that they would rather lose their relationship with their father than be merely civil toward me and simply acknowledge my existence as his partner. But there is nothing that can be done except disengaging. We have an estate plan in place, though I worry they would still try to fight it if something were to happen. Sigh.....
Please tell me that the
Please tell me that the counselor grabbed a chair and started beating the 3 Harpy's heads with severe lacerations and bleeding resulting. If that counselor did not smack those shit spawn Skidults around for using a counseling session as an ambush site.... then DH needs to file a professional complaint against that counselor.
It is amazing that a supposed professional would tolerate that crap.
He walked out when he
He walked out when he realized the goal of the 'counseling' session was to ambush and browbeat him.