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Craig Childress on Coping with the Trauma of Parental Alienation; a Must Read

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 7:06pm

This blog is always very insightful but this latest installment just knocked my socks off.

http://drcraigchildressblog.com/2015/04/03/coping-with-the-trauma-of-par...

This man is a genius. What he writes makes absolute sense, and applies to the PAS situation i am witnessing 100%. All of this blog is applicable, in its entirety, to BM's history of a childhood trauma at the hands of a borderline mother, her growing up to be a worse BPD/NPD and re-enacting the trauma, this forcing DH to experience what she had experienced, this time through alienating his kids.

I was gratified to read that ways of coping with trauma of Parental Alienation are things we do regularly. If you want validation of your role as the wife of a man on the receiving end of this abuse, see this:

"...In my professional experience with targeted parents, I have met a number of targeted parents who are successfully remarried to wonderful new life-partners. Maybe it’s something about having made such a horrendous choice in partners the first time that allows the targeted parent to then make a wonderful choice the second time. But for whatever reason, I seem to have met many targeted parents who are now remarried to truly wonderful partners.

However, living in the throes of “parental alienation” can be very hard on these new spouses. These new partners often become so incredibly angry at the destructive maliciousness of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent, who is willing to destroy the children of the targeted parent if this will create suffering in the targeted parent. The new spouse loves the kindness and love available from the targeted parent, and it is so very hard on them to watch helplessly as immense pain is inflicted on the person they love.

If you are a targeted parent who has been fortunate enough to find a new and wonderful life partner, **** recognize and nurture the joy and love**** that is available in this new relationship. It’s okay to let go of the pain and trauma of the “parental alienation” and to love and laugh with the new life partner. You are not letting go of the child, you are embracing your emotional and psychological health; you are embracing love."

How wonderful is that? Tog, i thought he wrote this for you and your DH Smile
BeAccountable, thank you for turning me onto Dr. Childress' blog.

Comments

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Sat, 04/04/2015 - 5:43am

May be never. Your scenario is probably my future. I don't have any faith that my skids are going to wake up.

According to my DH his ex never did get from under her mothers thumb. BMs mother was borderline who was terrified
of losing her daughters and made sure they put their relationship with her above those with their husbands. BM absorbed and/or inherited
her mother's pathology and added her own. I hope the skids will be angry at her for PAS but they toe the line. I think they will continue the family tradition - psychological abuse - into the next generation. Yours may be preparing to do the same thing, Annith.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 8:24pm

LOVE this. I even shared it on FB (which I have never given any indication about anything from steplife) because I have some friends who are going through this.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Sat, 04/04/2015 - 5:45am

Glad you like it, not2sure, I hope it helps your friends. I gave this blog to my husband to read in the hope that it helps him too.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Sun, 04/05/2015 - 6:57pm

Good for you! Do not let her do any more damage.
Enjoy your Roman Holiday - vacation from BM! Really, go some place nice and enjoy it, it may not last...

Funny about your BM's creepy dad... here we have the inverse of mine. She is the daughter of a sexual predator... and she goes through life punishing MEN who are stupid enough to have children with her. Where are you, Dr. Childress? Can we make a referral to him? He will go to town with this. Speak of re-enacting childhood trauma.

I believe our BM had the same relationship with her mother yours has with her father - never admitting to herself, as per DH, that the mother ( who had subjugated her dad completely) had abused her, and made her the scapegoat in the family, while praising her better looking, more gifted sibling to high heavens. BM was not treated well by her parents but she had never turned on them, and jumped when her mother said, Jump. She also put her family of origin above DH and his family. She hated his parents.

My money is on her daughters repeating her journey step for step... no pun intended.