I think FDH should have waited...
The first weekend visit with SS10 started Friday at lunchtime, the people keeping him decided to go on ahead and pull him out of school early since we were already in Skidtown.
We are at lunch, and SS10 is good but quiet as usual, and FDH is making conversation talking about maybe moving him to his own room in the bottom level of the house(he shares with SS7) once the weather gets warmer, how we are going to sell the pool table because no one ever plays it and there is not really enough room anyways for it, etc. Well then...he says "SS, there is something important I want to talk to you about". At this point, I had a sinking feeling of what he was going to say, so I said "FDH, it's been a busy eventful day already, are you sure about this?" (Of course he was)...so he goes into the speech. "SS, you know Pixie and I have been together awhile now, and we are together, etc. etc., well awhile back I asked Pixie to marry me, that's why she's wearing that ring, and she said yes."
He didn't really say much. He was quiet as usual. I'm always concerned about this.
This poor kid has no identity of his own, everything has revolved around BM and SS7, and he can barely put a sentence together when on the spot about anything, he's very shy, and he's 10 and still very very immature (think cartoon underwear that BM mixes up with SS7 clothes and gets hyped up like a preschooler when playing video games, just very quiet and very stunted). He interacts well with the kids, but not as much with me anymore that he's gotten older, or as BM has ramped up the crazy factor. Not sure which.
Personally I think it was an AWFUL idea for him to tell either of them, and oh yeah he told SS7 a few weeks ago at visitation, who took it extremely well...
Thoughts?
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Probably not the best timing,
Probably not the best timing, but I agree with Hypovic - what's done is done. Can't take it back now. Hopefully he'll come around and be happy for you two.
Congratulations by the way!
I HOPE so. I really do. These
I HOPE so. I really do. These kids have been through so much already, and if there mom says anything to them, I would just feel so bad for them to have to deal with that. She's awful. And besides, we don't have a date, we did have a date, but we don't anymore since one skid is in long term residential mental health care and the other one just got out of state custody.
We've been engaged since
We've been engaged since July, just not said anything to or in front of the kids. My kids Biodad and SM told them for me. I know they didn't mean anything, I just wanted everything to be better and all of us to be together when we shared this news with them, if we can every make it to the aisle. LOL Or beach...
Well Pix, I don't think it is
Well Pix, I don't think it is going to do any harm. SS10 has been through so much. Maybe this is something positive that he can focus on. Things will take their natural course, luckily he is already getting counseling so if it is something that he feels he needs to "deal" with, he can do so in therapy... right?
I will never understand why
I will never understand why these men think it's going to be a "big thing" to tell their kids they're getting married. I'm a believer that it's none of their business. But, either way, it doesn't matter if they know in advance unless your BM is a psycho who will take the news and make it her mission to ruin your wedding.
I don't want them to feel
I don't want them to feel like they aren't a priority. BM and her wants and her needs and her desire to control everything has been their entire life. For the first time since SS7 was born, SS10 finally got to be with people who cared about him, his interests, his wants, teaching him to be a 10 year old and not a 7 year old, he got to try new foods that he never could have because SS7 couldn't handle it, he got to understand some about growing up and hygiene, things she never bothered with so that is why I am so determined I guess to make sure they don't feel like their well being comes second with all of the changes they have had. I don't want them to feel like this, or me another person, is taking them away from their parents. They have so many issues right now.
That is how I felt about it, but I am really glad you all put in your opinions and perspectives, I definetly hope something positive comes out of it, I really do, but I don't want to be in blushing bride la-la land either, if that makes sense. Too much reality with the SS's and BM for that really. I used my dress money to help pay for the GAL. Isn't that sad?
Your fears are valid. These
Your fears are valid. These kids have certainly been through enough. And you are a very good persno for considering their feeings especially since they are so fragile. SS10 needs to feel like he is a part of your FAMILY right now. Maybe make it a point to tell him that he is just that.
I did. I told him anytime he
I did. I told him anytime he wants to talk about anything at all, he can always talk to FDH or me or both, together or separately, and he's had a lot of changes and we just want and need to know that he's okay.
See... you got this. You guys
See... you got this. You guys are going to be just fine soon
I have faith in that!
Yep Cheri, same here. She's
Yep Cheri, same here. She's already gone against the instructions in the court order from Friday about what she can and can't discuss with SS's, and it's been less than a week. She knows we are engaged, the attorney announced me as FDH's fiancee in court damn it, so I can only imagine what has been already said and what will be said.