It seems like the family DH and I created takes a back burner to DH and BM or his first family, even after we been together 13 years, for example, we have not ever owned a home together. We both have kids from previous, and houses but mine was mine and his was his and hers. I delayed or put off marriage for five years because DH carried on past codependent patterns with BM for years at my expense, allowing BM's relations to live in their home --she abandoned him, their three kids including her two sons from a previous marriage and he willingly assumed responsibility for raising her sons. I could not take that on. No way, especially when BM treated me with no respect nor ever acknowledged me as a human being (only as some unspeakable words).
Still DH will jump to her defense if I ever speak of BM in anything near a negative manner, preaching love and forgiveness, why? She treated him like a dog after their split, yet he acted like a lovesick pup as she strumpeted man after man in front of their kids and his face.
Now, we have a life after moving several states away, to my home state. I obtained a Masters degree and want to get a full time well paying job but he is demanding that I get a job where we can leave back to his home state to the home they lived in for the summer months. He is working on a Masters degree as well, but has no intention of getting a full time permanent job, unless he can take off for the summer because we have a summer lawncare business in his hometown.
When SK's were little, we returned to his hometown every summer "for the kids' sake" so they can spend time with/near BM, who usually could not handle them more than a couple weeks. Now, they are all gone, over 18 so now, his story is, 'for my grandson sake' when in fact, his SD is refusing to speak to him nor allow DH near his grandson.
My belief is that we have a family together now and wherever we are, that is our family--why does his family with her still matter so much, that it interferes with our careers and life together today?