My SS19 has been living with us for 9 months after his Mum threw him out of her house for being lazy rude and agressive. Whilst he has never been rude and agressive towards me, he is certainly not pulling his weight around the house. His typical day starts at 4pm when he gets up, has a bath and raids the fridge. He will then laze around on the sofa watching tele until 7pm. He then goes out until the early hours before coming home and smoking weed until he falls asleep. Repeat until the weekend when he gets up at 11 works for 2hours as a KP then goes back to bed until his evening shift which is usually between 5 and 9pm. He then goes out all night. Asking him to his fair share of chores is like extracting blood out of a stone. His usual excuse for not doing a chore within a given time frame is that he doesn't have the time. His father is constantly clearing up after him,
This is a bone of contention between us as I feel his son is taking advantage. However my partner tragically lost his eldest son to suicide 3 years ago and his grief and guilt has crippled him to the point where he cannot be an effective father to him for fear of it happening again. My partner does get stressed out with his son's idleness but the stress is inspired by my stress. He would rather I disengaged from my feelings and allow him to deal with the hassle of the dirty dishes etc. After all, he's not my son. Why should I get stressed?
I used to like my SS but now he just irritates me. He's as happy as larry doing his thing. Dad will clear up after him and turn a blind eye to his bullshit. When I hear my SS whistling merrily around the house, my hackles rise. I can't help it,
I have tried talking to my partner about how I feel but he has told me that he wants to deal with things his way. He has implied that if push came to shove he would find it difficult to choose between me or his son. I know its a dreadful position to put him in but I'm at the end of my tether. He doesn't agree with counselling as he has a typical British stiff upper lip attitude. He also won't get engaged to me cos he is grieving for his son. I've got to the point where I don't feel comfortable in my own home. HELP!