I used to feel that way. It was like rubbing salt in the wound.
I guess I finally looked at it this way: He was legally REQUIRED to support his kid, and even if he wasn't (or it was for stuff outside of CS) that she's his kid and deserves to have his financial support.
Then I looked at it and wondered how I would feel I had a man who DIDN'T support his child. What kind of man would that be? How could he be attractive to me?

I know what you mean poisonivy. Money issues used to be a really big source of contention in our home. Not because he had to pay CS, that is his obligation and his duty. But because on top of the CS he was also providing clothes, coats, shoes, bookbags, school supplies. Therefore, I was forced to work magic with our finances because we were short for our bills every month due to his always giving BM extra. Eventually, I threatened to leave him if he didn't set boundaries where BM was concerned. Every once in a while he'll pitch in something extra for his daughter but it is nowhere near as bad as it was a few years ago. I keep all the receipts in case we ever end up in court again.

Know the feeling but the part that irks me is that BM does not have her own place and doesnt pay for childcare. Now that I have my own BS, I know kids cost nothing what she thinks they do. Im college educated but havent found my career yet. I feel like I pay for everything while he supports them!

It amazes me how different CS is from state to state. DH paid straight 20% and it never really put a damper on his finances. But, BM was pretty good about not asking for a lot of extras too.

Is CS putting you in the hole because he is paying too much?

I feel that way too but since BF put his foot down with all the extras it helps. Paying CS is one thing but then handing over money above and beyond that is so annoying. Once you can get that under control it helps I just look at it like a bill for 6 more years!!! Then it stops and we can help with things at our discretion. The BM's that guilt the dads into thinking it is there sole responsibility for financially supporting the kids is what gets me. Takes two people to create a child and should take two to help support that child financially,emotionally and everything else involved. Most BM's only see the father as the wallet to pay for everything :sick:

I just posted something to do with this as well. I have no major reason to complain as we pay 0 out of pocket. My dh is on disability and ss got a separate check that went straight to bm's bank account. When we have the funds we have certainly spent above and beyond what disability pays. Most years,except for perhaps one, we have bought either all or the majority of his school clothes.

However, what irks me is when bm used to ask for more-more than the check she was already getting and more than what he already supplied above and beyond. Custody changed a month ago-mid month and dh asked for half of the disability payment back in order to buy ss stuff for school starts next week and she had already spent it all according to her. It was to be spent on HIM and she kicked him out 2 of the 4 weeks she received payment for.

We also had custody of ss from ages 1 to 9 and bm didnt even begin paying cs until he was 6. She never provided "extra" above her cs payments (half of what she ended up getting for disabilty)and we never, ever, even once asked her for anything above her 60.00 a week.

So currently she is paying nothing. Dh doesnt even want to talk to her about starting to pay cs because he doesnt want to hear her bitch. He doesnt want to go to court and file for cs. Money is a big issue for a lot of reasons-to me it is not really about greed or not even being able to cover the costs-but more about a sense of equity. I think if everyone felt as if everyone was doing their part then there would be far less resentment.

Yeah Its like a very big ugly elephant in the room that I try to ignore.Especially when 40% of his income goes to CS, and BM is remarried to man with a great job, she works for her family that has lots of money and gets bonues all the time,driving new cars, had another big wedding, cruises and we are living in my family farm house because we can't afford to buy right now. I'm old enough to know that those things are great but they can't hold you at night. I love him and the simple little life we are building. Plus it better than having skids full time!

support them for half they year when they are with us (all the while still paying BM support
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
That is CRAZY!!!

We have to pay spousal and child support. Only 6 more months on the spousal. What pisses me off is that his ex had her BF move in 9 months after the divorce and we spend 5K proving that her BF was living there so that he did not have to pay it and the judge said he could live there and since we did not have proof of him giving her money that we were out of luck. The injustice is crazy. So now we pay child support and spousal/BF support. While we eat mac n cheese they have bacon wrapped fillet. I know this because I had to steal the trash to prove that he was getting mail there.