You are here

I won't pay for SKIDS DayCare

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 3:51pm

Well, The SKIDS have arrived for their summer vacation and instead of being holed up at our house for two months....they are staying with MIL. Reason: I won't pay for day care. Here's my logic- during their 2.5 month visit, DH is still responsible for CS to BM. We have 3 Children already in household. Luckily we have no daycare expenses for those 3. During the work-week, BIO's are with my mom due to DH and I both working out of town (more than 200 miles), so we stay over several nights a week. I explained this all to DH and told him that it was up to him to work this out and SURPRISE, but he actually came up with a solution that works. So, I only have to deal with SKIDS on the weekends. I was totally expecting him to fight tooth and nail, but maybe we're making some progress.

Comments

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 4:42pm

Well, for right now, they have to be okay with it because that's what the restof the family is dealing with. My BIO's are experiencing the same thing and its really hard for me only seeing them on weekends, as well. So, until we are completely done relocating, this is the arrangement that we're all in together!

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 4:52pm

No, I said that we stay overnight out of town (where we work) 200 miles away. Sorry if I confused you...

3bk1sd's picture

Submitted by 3bk1sd on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 4:53pm

I think she meant that her and her husband stay over in the town where they work several nights a week, not with her mom. Maybe I read it wrong :?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 5:11pm

Yep, can't be helped right now, though. I'm just pleased that he made a good decision for the family.

sm27's picture

Submitted by sm27 on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 8:42pm

Classic guilty parenting. Shooting, I think your skids might enjoy their stay with you more than you bargained for.

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 5:12pm

Yeah I might call special circumstances on the whole deal and get a sitter to stay at the house with all 5. If they rarely get to see Dad that's just another weekend visit and not really a summer. I feel bad for him. Too bad he can't ... well hell I don't know. What a crappy situation for everyone. Sorry about that.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 5:14pm

No need to be sorry, families do what they have to in order to create a stronger future. He understands that as members of our family, SKIDS are not exempt from tough times.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 5:17pm

If we could hire a sitter through the week, I could pay for daycare...that's the point. The BIO's are in the exact same predicament so I don't understand how the SKIDS are the only ones getting the rough end. They are with their Grand, mine are with theirs.

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:10pm

I'm thinking it's because his kids don't get to see him very much. Yours live in the house. This is supposed to be their time with Dad. They have limited time with him and this stretch is supposed to make up for that. It would be the same if the skids lived with you full-time, but they don't.

Not judging, I just see the other side on this one too... it's like taxing someone who makes 50k the same amount I'm taxed. You'd have to take their entire paycheck, and that's what's happening to the skids, but it's a time thing and not a money thing.

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 8:01pm

sorry... i was just trying to use an example. that did sound sorta douchey now that i look at it. what I'm saying tough is that you can't take two marbles from the kid with two marbles and 2 marbles from the kid with 20 marbles and say it's fair to tax everyone two marbles. Smile

Better?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:22pm

So, as I mentioned before, none of the kids (BIO or SKIDS) are with us full-time right now. And no amount of time can make up for not seeing your paretns on a daily basis. When this is over, the situation will remain that the SKIDS still have limited time with their Dad. A day, a week, a summer, it's a sucky situation. My point is that DH made the decision to do something other than sulking and quitting his job to be with them everyday.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 9:53pm

i am in all agreeance to agree to disagree.. but this really doesn't seem to be the site you need.. we vent b/c we don't love the shit out of our skids and inlaws the way you do, so really why are you here to judge us? there has to be hundreds if not thousands of sites you can visit to fill whatever criteria you need to be a licensed/practicing state/social worker/tree hugger?

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:30pm

I have a new thought. It's going to be unfair to someone. That's the truth of this bad situation. It sucks. There's no way for it to be fair to the sKids, and to you. That's terrible.

My gut says as an adult I'd suck it up and pay the daycare and tell DH he needed to drive home most every night and be there with his bios and suck it up too. It's easier for us to understand and work through the mental issues than it would be for kids to do it.

You will be a hero to DH, and in the long run I think you'll feel like you did the right thing and there's plenty of reward in that too...

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:44pm

OK, here's the thing....its unfair to EVERYONE! It just is,AND its not changing unless I win the lottery or get fired! I don't need to be told how best to handle the situation because it has been handled. I won't have DH drive 200 miles after working 12 hours a day...that's just stupid. So unless you can tell me where to get those winning lottery numbers, i have tired of your Devil's Advocate campaign.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:33pm

just b/c you got a 100 on the probably open book test and you're what?? oh yeah, NOT a parent....... get off poison's ass, has she not explained herself clear enough for you yet?

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:48pm

Oh yeah it was an easy test and I wouldn't even BEGIN to think that it means I know squat about parenting. ZERO. I've stepped a kid for 12 years but even that isn't enough to REALLY know about being a full-time parent.

And I'm not on anybody's ass. She did explain herself, very clearly. I just feel like somebody in the equation should think about the BD and sKids. That doesn't mean I'm criticizing anyone or judging anyone. If everyone always says "yeah you're right" all the time then none of us get any real help, we just get a cheerleading section, and in the long-run we may be making it worse for everyone.

It's just my opinion that the BD/DH and skids don't get much time together, and the summer block of time is a big deal to both parties probably, and I think if it were me I'd go out of my way to make that as special as possible. This very thing happened to me when I had SD14 (at the time) and we hired someone to stay at the house and we alternated taking days off work to be with her when we didn't have the full-time sitter. The sitter was older and we gave her money to take SD out and stuff during the day and we were with her every night.

It's not my house and I don't live in that situation so there's no way to really know, but she asked for opinions and that's mine. And whatever she chooses to do I'm sure she's acting with the best of intentions and trying hard in a tough situation. I'm not on anybody's ass, Im just telling her what I think because she asked what we think.

sm27's picture

Submitted by sm27 on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 10:56pm

But she already had a plan figured out and was satisfied with the arrangement. YOU, IAC, are trying to guilt her into the " kids don't have enough time" thing. She never said H couldn't see his kids, just that she wouldn't pay for a sitter ( which she doesn't have to do, IMO). I understand your opinion, but not everyone can afford to take random days off work or sitters.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 10:25am

Nope, wrong AGAIN! MY plan doesn't stiff anyone out of anything! However DH and BM getting DIVORCED in the first place did!!! I'm just making the best out of a bad situation. You are more than welcome to fly in and save the day anytime!

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:44pm

sorry for jumping you, but she did say they are working to fix it, but right now if they want their bills to be paid --- cs being one of them i sure -- they need their jobs..... life is about sacrifices..... and if they did try to commute daily, kids/skids would be asleep when they left and probably asleep when they got home.... so, i guess they would see them and spend quality time on the weekends?

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 6:50pm

yeah that commute things really sucks. I wonder what the odds are of the parents trading long weekend days off. Maybe DH takes off a friday and SM takes off a Monday and they do that over the summer and everybody is happy...

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 7:05pm

Of course, Dabevans, why wouldn't the whole world want to accomadate us?????

sm27's picture

Submitted by sm27 on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 8:18pm

Iac picked a perfect screenname for herself. Poison ivy, glad you and H figured it out.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 10:13pm

sm27 --- iac is not a girl~~glad you have it all figured out ~~ DUH?

sm27's picture

Submitted by sm27 on Mon, 06/21/2010 - 10:50pm

*double like*. You know what starfish? Seriously speaking, why is that it's screen name?

Oops, never mind, just found out it's really a dude. No wonder (no offense rags/sbs)

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 10:17am

I guess it boils down to the fact that the commute is the hitch in the get-along, not you. If it were you saying that you don't want them around I'd have to think that sorta sucks, especially since he SPs your kids, but if there's really no way around the commute and the baby-sitter isn't economically feasible I see where you're coming from and it must be frustrating.

If you COULD afford the baby-sitter and just didn't want to I might think that was kinda wrong, to be honest, but if there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do.

Hang in there... maybe you'll get moved or get a closer job and next Summer these problems will be an old memory...

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 10:42am

IAC, it seems to me that you made a snap judgement based on what you expect to be lying under the surface and not based on what I actually posted. I stated the problem, stated the solution and its effects, however you chose to go off on this "she's only doing this because she can't stand her SKIDS" thing. Try responding to what you read and not what you want to argue about.

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 10:47am

I never thought you didn't like your sKids. I thought you might be making a choice to save money over the BD's time with the kids. I didn't realize it wasn't a CHOICE, you just COULDN'T pay for it. That makes a whole WORLD of difference. Actually, realizing that you CAN'T make it work where the BD has time with his kids I feel bad for your situation. With any luck y'all can get moved to where you work or find jobs where you live. Honestly I can't imagine commuting that far very day. That's got to F up your whole life.

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 5:17pm

I don't get this, I really don't. Why should poisonivy have to come out of money for a sitter/daycare? They ALREADY are paying CS during this time, and perhaps it simply cannot be afforded? You can't get blood from a stone.

Sometimes, shit just happens, and that's just the way it is. EVERYONE suffers, but that's just how it is sometimes. That is LIFE. I love my SD to pieces, but I would NOT pay for her daycare. DH would have to find a way. And obviously he DID. Does it suck? YES. But that is LIFE. What if he didn't have Poison in the first place? Most men would not be able to afford to send CS WHILE having the kids FT, WHILE having to pay for a sitter every day.

Sucky but thems the breaks, people.