THE CHILD IS NOT A POSSESSION
that you can use to GET BACK at an ex. I am so SICK of our BM using SD's this way. Poor SD16 almost 17 has just realized recently that it is okay for her to love BOTH parents, that it is not a "betrayal" for her to love DH just b/cause BM says it is.
Yet it continues.
It snows. School is cancelled for today. Custody order says BM gets SD any school holiday. So she automatically calls and starts acting like SD is a possession that she gets. Rather than try to behave nicely, figure out a solution, it is "SD is staying here b/cause it is my RIGHT"---this gets DH all po'ed---and he gets sucked into the game (OH DH YOU WERE DOING SO WELL)----
it gets to the point that BOTH are threatening contempt charges. I HAD IT---LOST IT W/DH. Said "I think you are being just as much a D&*^ as she is a B%^&%. The girl is almost 17--what does she want to do---stay there or come on home?---it is only one day, who cares. Is it worth it to risk wasting 3 hours going to meeting point, she not show up, going to BM's house and getting sherriff out there? Would you rather waste thqat time doing that for this almost grown SD versus spending time w/me and BS5, BS3 and BD2?"
DH GETS IT---tries to call back and talk to SD to see what she wants---BM refuses to answer phone, then finally answers, says "I've changed my mind will meet you for swap " and hangs up,, not giving DH a chance to talk to SD--he tries back again, same response. WHY? turns out SD wanted to come home all along!!!!!!!! jees louise. Even SD's SF was pissed at BM for this crap.
DH apologizes to SD and me, fortunately seeing what a dope he was being, but SD is even clueless about it, as BM wasn't letting anyone talk to her about it!!!
SHE IS NOT A POSSESSION PEOPLE. IT HAS BEEN 11+ YRS SINCE DIVORCE---GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!!!!!
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Comments
Some of these BMs see it as
Some of these BMs see it as a way to stay connected and invloved in the DH life. They know that he no longers care for BM but does care for the kids so since that is the only leverage she has she uses it. Makes no sense to me but its how they think.
SHE IS NOT A POSSESSION
SHE IS NOT A POSSESSION PEOPLE. IT HAS BEEN 11+ YRS SINCE DIVORCE---GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!!!!!
As my therapist stated so kindly to me..."This is their dance, you get to decide to not be a part of it."
It is about the fight for some. Parents don't have rights, kids do. Kids have the right to have each parent in their life. That's the outlook I try to have at least.
Don't let your anger get the best of you. Next time hubby starts stomping his feet, there is a little technique that helps so you don't "lose it"... validates his feelings (not his actions) and allows you to set a boundary in not welcoming this kind of frustrating behavior in your presence.
"Wow, you really got upset at exwife. I might have been upset too, that has to be frustrating to have her call and let you in on her demands. It sometimes feels to me like the two of you treat her like a possesion... that is really hard for me to be around... next time I might have to walk away and not be a part of it."
And if he asks what you would have done (to try to make peace with you), placing it back in his lap... "I'm not sure, what do you think? How do you feel it could have been handled differently?"
It helps when you can learn from these experiences... and possibly grow from them.
Any positive reinforcement to hubby for finally doing the more respectable thing??
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley