Is dumb an excuse for BM behavior?

Do they know they are doing it? DH and I have this disagreement occasionally. He says that BM is so dumb that she doesn't even know that she does things intentionally. I call bull on that. I say she knows and just can't admit it because she needs everyone else to believe she doesn't know.

For example, if I cook a particular meal and SD likes it and mentions it to BM then BM cooks the same meal within days. If we take the kids somewhere, amusement park, restaurant, museum, store, very soon after BM will take SD there also. DH tells me that in the past BM would buy SD the exact same gifts after hearing the neighbor say that's what she was buying her kids. It's like an obsession with doing what everyone else is doing.

Also, when she does things to manipulate. He says she doesn't really do it intentionally, just that she is so dumb she can't understand. Really???

I know it's all about having low self esteem and not having enough self confidence. And the manipulation is all about getting her own way. But does she recognize she is doing this??? Can someone really not deep down know they are doing it. It it blatant behavior with BM. She doesn't even try to hide it. She's even asked me how I made something so she can make it.

Whenever we have this discussion I am annoyed because I feel like he is offering excuses for BM, like he often does for SD's bad behavior.

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My dh has used this excuse

My dh has used this excuse for both bm and ss in the past. I do think bm is sorta dumb IQ wise but she is a pretty savvy manipulator. MY ss13 is by far and away one of the smartest manipulators I've seen in a kid that age. He is obviously a very bright young man.

For some reason my dh would rather think he is stupid than believe he manipulates. Whatever I just let him find out on his own now.

Maybe he says this about her

Maybe he says this about her rather than admit he fathered a child with someone so manipulative and low self esteem. I mean "I married someone who turned out to be dumber than a box of hammers" sounds better than "I married a manipulative woman with REALLY low self esteem." Then it becomes HER problem rather than him seeming stupid becaus he didn't see it coming.

I understand you annoyedness though. It would piss me off to the nth.

Can you get the skids or a

Can you get the skids or a neighbor to tell her that it's super cool to go and jump off a bridge?

We should start a "BM is so dumb that_____________" thread. Bet we'd get some pretty funny material!

Funny ! I'll admit I have

Funny ! I'll admit I have done things just to see how far she would go and enjoy watching her scramble to keep up.

Definately DON'T have that

Definately DON'T have that problem here. Both of my BMs are dumber than a freaking box of rocks (no offense to stupid rocks) Thankfully SD got DHs genes in the brains department and is actually quite bright. SS on the other hand, got dealt BMs dumb card, DH is always complaining aobut how SS is as dumb (and lazy) as his worthless mother.

SS will seriously stand there and give you that blank, dumb stare when you give him a simple instruction and I do mean simple.. like grab me the windex out of the cupboard simple. If you don't direct him to the exact cupboard and God forbid the bottle says "glass cleaner" and not "windex" he wouldn't be able to figure it out. I'm not kidding here.

She might really be that

She might really be that dumb. Some people cant think for themselves and they spend there whole life just doing what everyone else does and following everyone else's lead. Blind Sheep. Cults and crazed "religious" sects have taken advantage of these types for years! The dim-witted must be told how to feel, think, believe, and what to do. It is sad. I dont know what is worse.....being so dumb, or being smart and pretending to be dumb just so that everyone steps up and does everything for you.

If you are dumb, you are dumb....I guess that's not your fault if you were just born dim-witted......but choosing to act dumb to save yourself work...OK I just answered my own question....because that is just revolting!

If she is so blatant about it then maybe she really is dumb! lol

Ignorance is not an excuse

Ignorance is not an excuse ever but in regards to taking the kids to the same places you have or cooking the same thing, I wouldn't necessarly think of this as a bad thing. I can only imagine that if another woman was taking my son out (with his father even) I would probably want to make memories for us there too. Ditto on the food, if the kids tell me something they enjoy eating and I don't find it digusting and/or devoid of any value I try to make things they like and will eat...I don't really care how the figured out they like it, just that they do. I would try to think of that as flattery.

With regard to manipulation: I've found you don't have to be smart to do that, particularly to men. Both BM and MIL are dumb as posts but it's obvious to EVERYONE, including DH FINALLY that every word spoken and every action taken is just an attempt to manipulate those around them. I think this may be a craft more finely honed by idiots actually. Perhaps to compensate for actually being able to achieve anything on their own without taking advange of those around them.

Maybe she isn't being

Maybe she isn't being manipulative but just lacks imagination. BUT...if she's anything like OUR BM, she's being manipulative.

PB (our BM) is smart enough to know how to manipulate the government entitlement programs to a SCIENCE (food stamps, FEMA, welfare, etc, etc, etc) and has a college degree. BUT she's too stupid to follow a CO or get a JOB!

PB (our BM) is smart enough

Ain't this the truth! I always tell DH that BMs are dumber than a box of rocks when it comes to every day life, but they have their freaking PHDs in How To Lie, Manipulate and Get Free Handouts.

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Is dumb an excuse for BM behavior?

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