Why does my mother do this to me???
So my mother and I who had previously been super close were estranged for over a year because I chose to divorce and she didn't agree with my choice. Never mind there was abuse and he was hugely controlling. And she had never been accepting of DH. I though we had gotten past most of that and recently have been feeling more comfortable with her towards me.
Until today....DH and I are taking the kids to Disney. She has requested a pic of me and my kids alone while we are there. Why does she not see what kind of spot she puts me in?????
This and all the other things she's said and done these past few years make me wonder how it was I was even born of this woman.
I'm sure I can arrange it without being obvious but it hurts me that she doesn't care enough about my feeligs to try to mask it.
I have been feeling better lately about myself and my situation and thinking I can cope with the help of all you wonderful people to escape to but now I am rethinking that. Wondering if I really don't need some professional help to sort out all my feelings.
I hope I never make my kids feel like she makes me feel sometimes.
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Tell her NO. If you cannot
Tell her NO. If you cannot accept my husband, you cannot accept me.
How would you feel if your DH did this behind your back? You would be extremely hurt. You have to show your mother you and DH are a team, and a united front. The ridiculous requests will never end if you give in to them now.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
I know you are right.
I know you are right. That's the attitude I had to have for a very long time just to get us to the point we are at. It's just so stressful. I am typically very non- confrontational. HOnestly I tend to avoid her because of this. And it makes me sad.
i have tried to put myself in her shoes. I have considered how I would react if she and my dad were to divorce and either of them remarried. I honestly can say I would rather see each of them happy. Who am I to judge who they love?
I've come to realize that it's a good thing they never did divorce when I was a kid. She would be the ultimate pain in the ass BM for any woman to deal with.
it really is horrible what
it really is horrible what "mothers" are capable of putting their kids through.
my mil recently helped and pushed bm to try and get full custody of ss. she called my dh saturday to say "i never thought you wouldnt talk to me for so long" "can we please talk, with out your wife, and make up" in other words what she said is "i never knew i couldnt keep fucking you over and running your life while i treated you and your wife like shit, and you would actually stop allowing me to be a part of your life"
dh was in the worst mood and feels like what the hell is he supposed to do? mil has taken no responsibility for the things she has done, isnt sorry, and still tries to step in our marriage...but its his mom. i thank god that dh loves my mom so much and he puts our marriage before her.
so sorry your mom is putting you through this....the only advise i would have is, how would you feel if your mil requested this and dh did it to you by following her wishes?would dh understand...
Take 3 pictures...One of you
Take 3 pictures...One of you & kids, one of hubby & kids and one of ALL of you !!! SIMPLE EASY.
Maybe she doesn't THINK your marriage will last & wants to keep pictures without Partners in them??
From NOW on I will take PICTURES of my adult children and grands without their fathers. hate to ruin a Good picture if they get divorced down the road..
I wish my daughter had some pictures of Just her & my grands & NOT her EX...I hate him. he has been extremely abusive towards my daughter & grands.
NOTHING ON EARTH could ever make me like him.
She FINALLY got him out of her life (temp) he's serving 8 yrs for Kidnapping My daughter. And ruined my grands..emotionally.
He will be OUT in less then 4 yrs Then the CIRCUS will start again, unless my daughter & grands change identities and Move.. And hide the rest of their lives. he's a psychopath and will never allow her to Live alone.
She( yr mom) probably doesn't trust men now & just wants her Kids( you & grands) in the pictures....Just Like I would want too.
Nope. She doesn't get to
Nope. She doesn't get to chose what version of your family she wants to love. It's an all or nothin' deal. My brother and I were talking about the kids the other day and he made a comment like, "You and my niece or the closest family, I've got." So I responded, "You mean two nieces?" referring to both my BD and my SD. And he said, "well, yeah, but SD's no relation to me." That attitude bothers me because I am raising this child full time and have been for the past five years (HALF HER LIFE) as far as I'm concerned I'm every bit her mom and I don't want my family making her feel like a second class kid just the same way I wouldn't my DH's family doing that to my kid.
I can't
I can't imagine...sigh...
But, if you are willing, make it a "fun" thing...ie. My cousin's grandparents-in-law had an anniversary...they spent hours "cropping" the ex's out of pics for the slide show...hehe...so at the party, and at ALL the parties now, there is a joke of "all the non-blood-related-family members" go on the sides of pics in case we have to CROP them next time...haha...
It seems weird, but really, it was a funny way of them dealing with the situation...you can tell your now husband, imagine, "thank GOD that my ex was on the side and we were able to CROP HIM out of the pic", otherwise, you'd have to look at him...hehe...it takes a while, but at least in my cousin's case, she and all the other spouses have made a joke of it...
So maybe you don't delete him, you just put him on the side...and if she wants to crop him out, well, so be it...
My ex MIL was like your mom.
My ex MIL was like your mom. The only thing the ex-dumbass ever did for me was refuse to comply with his mother's wishes for family photos without me included. She pulled a fast one once, but it was without ex-dumbass's knowledge and the portraits without me were horrible because his expression killed every since one.
My advise......she either accepts the whole package or she can call when she can. Do not give in to this emotional blackmail. Do not let her hold you hostage just because she's your mother.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine