OT - Entitled children
So i have a news app installed on my phone that periodically throws headlines at me from various news sites. Today I got a notification "Ala. teen killed father, critically injured brother after being told to clean room, family says."
The family is naturally all "I dunno where his head is! We love him equally!" Which I saw as part of the problem... Personally I think that kind of attitude is what caused the situation in the first place! Imagine fi that kid had been taught actions have consequences, if you're being a little murderous s***, that's what you are, his head wasn't just "in the wrong place." That's FAR too much leeway!
He was told to CLEAN HIS ROOM and shot his dad and brother, because i don't know, it was just so upsetting? Too emotionally taxing? Just a spoiled little brat? There is definitley something depely wrong with that kid.
I was just floored. Also I see this as further proof why babying a child, or being a "disney parent" does NOTHING for them.
But hey, at least he's being charged with murder and attempted murder at 16... There's one consequence he can't avoid.
I truly feel awful for the fmaily, especially the 12 year old brother... Article says he's currently in the ICU. I hope he pulls through, though I also am sure it's going to be a hard road ahead with how many changes his brother's actions have caused.
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Permissive/lazy/Facebook
Permissive/lazy/Facebook parenting has devolved to the point where kids are crying out for discipline and structure. Instead, they're fed all this cognitive dissonance of how great they are by their parents, but many don't feel great. It must be very stressful for a child to live without guidance or any framework that provides a foundation they can count on no matter what. I really wish parents would focus more on giving kids structure, routine, and consistent expectations instead of on blowing smoke up their behinds. Of course there will always be outliers, but I think that most kids behave better when they feel safe, secure, know what the rules are, and know the adults are in charge.
Another issue I see is what I
Another issue I see is what I might term "full brake/full gas" parenting. The parents are either totally the kid's friend and permissive.. then when the kid goes off the rails they become the gestapo.. and some parents switch back and forth so fast that the kid gets whiplash. They don't know what to expect.. nothing... or full nuclear war.
My DH's EX was a bit like that.. mom had zero expectations for her kids 95% of the time.. but then she would go on these rants where the kids literally could not draw a breath properly. Generally it was all related to some other stress in mom's life.. but it was confusing for the kids..
I agree with you both. I
I agree with you both. I think structure, discipline, and expectations are all super important for a kid's life and development! I feel the lack thereof is what creates situations like the one above.
This is where REAL child abuse occurs
the parents (usually the BM) just couldn't be bothered and let the children roam feral until something gets under their skin and they crack down HARD....TOO hard!!
Everybody looks the other way with mental illness.
The schools, teachers are not DR’s so they don’t say anything, because the parents will have a fit. Nobody wants to pay for there treatment, because multy week treatment goes into the $100,000 +. So everybody does nothing. The parents just don’t see it.
I don't see why the schools
I don't see why the schools or teachers should do anything.
They are there to teach subjects, not step in where parents fail and teach manners, respect or notice when your kid is off the rails and/or mentally ill.
Why put that on teachers when actual parents can't be bothered?
A teacher must spot it in a class of 20 (or more) when parents can't see it in one of 2 or 3 of their own?
A bit unfair IMO.
Feral Forger and the battles of her room
Yep, it was World War 3 whenever she was asked to clean her room. At one point, DH took her door off (more than once), in order to shame her into keeping it clean. Did not seem to bother her one bit "just dont touch my stuff".
A few times, DH bagged her stuff, so she went to the mothers.
Last november she moved in with the mother, toxic troll and every single time she was asked to clean her room, she threated suicide, or child protective service.HUGE dramas unfolded.
This last time Feral Forger was told to clean her room, she was sent to a hospital phsych ward, because she went crazy (again).
What is up with this whole cleaning your room thing?
But she is mentally ill, I feel, just as this teen is. I dont think its bad parenting or entitlement, its undiagnosed, untreated mental illness.
OSD told me once to stay out
OSD told me once to stay out of her room and not touch her things. Door never came off, but she went through THREE trash bagging episodes (DH helped with it, was disgusted each time, but never corrected it!). I simply told her that if her room got to that state (smell it from the hallway) I would most certainly go in and take care of it if she didn't.
She did leave and didn't come back but that wasn't only due to her room, was about DH laying down rules and attitude corrections reagarding her entitement.