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"Are we still friends???"

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

So yesterday my dad and I were talking on the phone (which we do every day, he is lowkey one of my best friends and I thoroughly enjoy my daily calls with my dad) and he asked if my mom had called me yet.  I told him no and kind of laughed and asked why.

He hesitated and then was like "well your mom didn't unfriend your ex in-laws on Fakebook and your ex-FIL made a post about having a new grandchild."  I was like "so?" And he was like "we're pretty sure it's your ex's."  I laughed, made a comment about how horrible I feel for the kid then since he wasn't taking care of his first two and him and his gf sounded like a dysfunctional couple (from what I learned about a year ago when he called on FSD12's phone crying because him and his gf had broken up apparently for like the 5th or 6th time... I told him maybe part of the issue was him calling crying to his ex and hung up).

Anyways, my mom called eventually and talked.  She's apparently got more anger over the divorce than I do... Becuase I'm enjoying being single, have casually gone on a few dates, am making money streaming video games (something I never thought I'd have the confidence to do), had one two week relationship (where I got rid of his toxic ass), turned down a guy for being toxic (now that I actually recognize that sh***), and am genuinely enjoying life.  I even finally got over the emotional hump and got rid of most of the mother's day things the girls had given me that I'd been hanging onto and am semi talking to a guy on a casual basis who I'm really enjoying.

But a bit of a background, for those that were around.  When I left, my ex joined the church I grew up in and insisted he was sooo changed and tried to use it to manipulate me back (totally unecissary btw, due to the fact I wasn't going to church anymore at that point, partially due to the fact that when I went to leadership for help they tried to tell me that I should provide him a place to heal and get better after he had been an abusive, cheating jerk... So I didn't need that during my recovery.)  This religion is VERY against living with someone before you're married. Which ofc I mean, he had no issue getting engaged to another woman and talking to a very large group of women while being married... So he didn't care anyways.

However my mom I think is still upset he tried to use her religion against me.  So she messaged him "congrats" to see if it was actually his kid and then was all "I should message him and ask if God approves."  I sat there for a second.  Laughed and told her to let it go and she shouldn't have even messaged him congrats and should remove my ex in-laws off everything to get some headspace back becuase it's no longer our circus to deal with.  Thankfully she took my advice and they are now removed off everything.  HOWEVER due to her "congrats" text.  Guess my ex realized I knew he had another kid???  Becuase all the sudden I get a "are we still friends???" message vis FSD12's phone (who btw has been chatting with me about her art projects since I have an art degree, and while I'm not a mother figure and won't get to be in her life, I'm glad we're getting that without any interference.  The comunication is getting less and less and I expect will eventually entirely taper off entirely, which is okay, and honeslty is healthy I think.)

Anyways. he signed his message with his name, becuase I wasn't gonna know that was him???  So I just dind't respond at all.  Becuase I'm not going to respond to him, but especially on a dumb question.  He's blocked on everything... So we're obviously not friends.

Dumb questions that the toxic people from the former bout in step he!! ask.

Hope you're all doing well, I still pop in to see what's been posted occasionally, but I am glad that I haven't needed this in a while Smile

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh boy.... I'm glad your mom blocked his family. It's sweet that she is still angry on your behalf but that is just going to eat her up, you are at peace and have moved on in a very healthy way!!

I also love that FSD12 can talk art with you, that is super sweet!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

It is extremely sweet of her.  But too far. lol.  It's just inviting extra drama in.  I'm out of the circus, she needs to remove herself too. lmao

Also I am glad she can talk art with me.  We used to do random art projects together since I have an art degree. lol

Stepdrama2020's picture

Living your best life, being the best you. 

As you well know once you remove the toxic peace follows.

Blessings.

HowLongIsForever's picture

Look at you out there living your best life, being your best you.  I am so happy for you and proud of you for discovering that self love and worth.  

You are such a bad ass.  Onward and upward!

advice.only2's picture

PA you are the proverbial one that got away from that loser.  I have a feeling if you every crooked your finger he would come running back ready to re-engage.  What a toxic loser he is, looks like he's soon to be just another baby daddy again soon.

grannyd's picture

Reading your update put a smile on my face after a grim day. Your strength and determination in thriving after escaping from yon asshat ex was downright epic! 

It was actually a toss-up as to which parent of those unlucky girls was more despicable; asshat or psycho. The children were losers at the starting gate. Sigh. 

Now that you’ve fixed ‘your picker’, it sounds like your next relationship will be with a righteous partner. You’re a quality item and deserve the best! However, it sounds like the single life is agreeing with you, largely because your self-esteem is where it belongs. Clapping

 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You have come so far! I remember one of your first posts, where your then DH would not help you bury your dog, and I knew right then he was no good. He eventually did help you, but you made excuses for his bad behavior. You would never do that now! You now have the self confidence not to make excuses for those that don't deserve it and you won't put up with those who are not going to treat you well. You are one of Steptalk's success stories!

lieutenant_dad's picture

This is a great update, PA! I found that my mom and SF had a hard time letting go of my XH and his family, too. I eventually told them that they could do what they want to do, but I won't hold back my feelings to protect theirs. Thank God they got over whatever they were holding on to.

Keep living your best life out there. It's awesome that you're streaming and having fun with that. You're young and unencumbered - enjoy doing all the things you want to do without any pressure. You sound so much happier and healthier, and that brings me so much joy for you!