Why are some BM like they are????
What is it with Bio parents that they never communicate unless they want something? I try to let my ex know everthing that is going on with my kids from Dr apts to school functions yet DH ex never lets us know anything for instance today SD6 had an appointment with the heart Dr (she has a problem since she was born and goes once a year) but BM never let us know about it. We found out because DH parents were suppose to have SD6 for the day and her mom called and told them she forgot SD6 had an appointment and asked if they wanted her Thursday instead. WTF hellooo dump ass how about letting her dad know about these appointments. About the whole DH parents having her for the day BM called them a month or so ago (they live in the same town about 20 min from us) and told them SD had been having a fit because she doesn't see them very much anymore and wanted to know if they would like to keep her on Tuesday and Wed. on the weeks she is with her during the summer. WTF DH parents can't stand her they never got along, when they were still married DH was permited to take his daughter to see his parents for 2hrs once a week and that was it, they were not aloud to babysit or just get her for the day and now this woman is calling and asking them if they want to spend time with her. Last summer before DH moved in with me his parents kept SD6 while he worked Mon-Fri so since he moved SD6 doesn't get to see them as much but she never mentions them to us, if she did we would make sure she got to see them. Seems to me her life is not as great as she tries to make it seem she is trying to get on her ex inlaws good side. The sad part is SD6 doesn't have a set babysitter she is bounced from one person to the next never knowing who is keeping her when there is no school or who is picking her up from school. But Bm had her new baby in a local daycare, sounds to me like she is just to cheap to pay a babysitter for both of them.
Now here is the icing on the cake BM called DH last week at midnight on his cell phone. He was home on vacation for the week and we are sleeping and this beeping noise woke me up I thought he had just forgotten to plug his phone in so I get up to plug it in and I see it doesn't say low battery it says missed call. So I wake DH up and tell him he checks the message and it is BM crying saying she knows it is late but she just wanted to see if he would have SD6 call her when she gets up in the morning. I am like she didn't call for SD she thought you would be out of town for work and she could cry on your shoulder. Needless to say it pissed me off. Well the next day I asked him if he was going to call her back he said No she is a waste of my time I don't want to talk to her. So on Friday he calls to see what time to drop SD6 off and while he is on the phone he is like oh and what did you need the other night she actually admitted she thought he would be out of town and she wanted to talk to him to see what she does so wrong that caused him to not want her anymore, he told her a few things and then reminded her she left him not the other way around. Oh but to put the icing on the cake she admitted her and her new man are having problems, DH said you need to talk to him not me about this stuff and our biggest problem was the fact that you were sleeping with him while you were still with me and the fact you got pregnant with his baby before our divorce was even final but you always told me he was just a friend. Normally she would have denied everything except the pregnant part well this time she didn't say anything. Except that the baby was an accident and now she doesn't know what to do. DH told her not his problem. They ended the call and we haven't heard from her since.
I so want to call and give her a piece of my mind about the whole thing she screwed around on him he begged her to come home when she left and she wouldn't. So sorry about her luck maybe she needs to get some friends to cry too.
Sorry for going on for soooo long I just had to get that out
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You know I always wondered
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
If the bm's who left our dh's or the bm's our dh's left hung on more after the divorce. My dh was cheated on by bm with his bestfriend/nextdoor neighbor..they lived in a close knit community and everyone found out about it. Bm told dh about the affair and though she never apologized for the affair, she expected dh to forgive her and move on....nope, dh met me, LEFT HER and we started seeing each other then of course fell in love. To this day bm tries to get dh to discuss what happend to them, why it didnt work, what they could have and be if they were together today, and she believes herself to be one of the most beautiful, educated women out there so how is it that he chose me over her,lol,lol...(yea,, she is full of herself) She has made comments to dh that if he ever leaves me, he can stay with her and their son until he gets back on his feet...wtf??lol,lol...She tell's dh constantly that she will never get remarried, (like she is waiting on dh to come to his senses and come running back to her or something)It really is quite humerous,as I know in my heart that dh would never take/want her back.And though just watching and listening to her antics(like she wont meet for pickup's or dropoff's of ss unless dh is alone)can get unnerving at times, I sit and think about how one minute she says she is so happy in her new life and is not in love with dh anymore, yet she feels this need to hang on to him and their past together, maybe in the hopes that he will be like some highschool boy, pineing away for her..not!!!!!!!! It's like you said, she is the one who f---ed up by having the affair, he left you, let go and move on!! So agian, is this something as noticable in the bm's that left the dh's or is it more common in the bm's who were left by the dh's?
I think.....
at least in my case, The BM left DH thinking the grass was greener on the other side and now she sees what we have and the better job he has now and knows what a mistake she made. (DH had no clue she was leaving him he came home one day and she was packing. He suspected the affair but she just kept telling him the guy was just her friends brother so they were friends also and he somewhat believed her.
Live for today,you may not have a tommorow
Sounds like our story
My DH's ex had numerous affairs while they were married. They divorced 5 years ago. They have 4 kids together, the oldest being almost 22 and the youngest 15. The older kids are all in college and the youngest is with us 2 weeks and her 2 weeks (that's a story by itself). We have been very happily married for almost 3 years. She has been remarried for 2 years. She married a complete drunken moron and is miserable, so she attempts to make everyone around her miserable. The light suddenly went on in her head that he wasn't so bad after all and has told the youngest that if it wasn't for me, they would be back together. Makes the 15 year old just LOVE me, yanno???? The ex has "Jerry Springer" moments all the time. Last night on my way home from work, there she is behind me. She suddenly blasts past me giving me the finger. Made me chuckle.....
Mama Kat
Sounds too much like mine
My husband divorce has been final for 5 years now but my DH ex started to have an affair when SD(now almost 6) was only a month old and got pregnant 6 months later only after telling DH is was over months before. The worst part was when everything was coming out - she blamed him for the affair because he was working a 2nd shift job at the time and wasn't home in the evening with the family that she wanted.
Now she has remarried and I think she is unhappy with this one also as she makes it her effort to make everyone miserable around her.
Now she calls and just wants to talk to my DH but he wants nothing to do with her except for his kids. I get so pissed because I will answer my phone, she will ask to speak to him, I will then ask what it is concerning and she will state that she NEEDS to talk to him regarding the kids so I give the phone to my DH even though I know he don't want to talk to her but then she was want to have small talk with him and he will just blow her off.
I think it drives her crazy that my DH is so involved with the kids as he is because the father of the baby that she had out of the affair left her 2 months after she got pregnant and is barely around.
I think it is very true that these women honestly think they will get our DH's back but as we can see - they are make A**es of themselves trying. I think it is funny
Very Similar
I read a great book one time called "How to Marry a Divorced Man" and it was so insightful. It clued me in on why the beast, as I call her, acts the way she does sometimes. They are bitter and jealous which makes them so spiteful. They can't understand why their ex's current marriage is working and why it couldn't have worked for them. It makes us a success at something she failed at and that makes her incredibly hateful. She has great pleasure in causing ripples in the current marriage. So until she can find someone else that can possibly make her content she has to bring the rest of us down.
DH left BM
DH left BM several times as each of them often did through six years but this time he met me and that was it. BM swears I am the reason he left-had nothing to do with her frequent riders miles with most of his friends or the fact hes sorta a neat freak and shes a slob in a real bad way, or the psychosis.
Colorado and everyone is right they hate that we succeed at their failures and we can be happy even with extra stresses that BMs try to cause for us all, that we love their children and they love us,and of course that we do it because we want to not have to annoys them.
In our situation when trying to seduce(yuck)didn't work to get DH back, false promises, and apologies I suppose the next step is to impress these men through psychotic shows and on their planets it might be reasonable.
P.S. DH compares ending their relationship to taking a horse with three broken legs,boken spine into have it put to sleep-BM loves it I am sure.He says we have the only worthwhile thing she will ever do- I agree!
Don't want him, don't want anyone else to have him.
In our case, my DH is very handy and can fix, build, repair, modify anything. I think our BM was pissed off that she lost her jack-of-all-trades, because once he remarried, he realized he didn't have to be her handyman, anymore. Just call me Mrs. Fix-It!
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Happy I saw this post!
I COMPLETELY understand where each of you are comming from and I love the comment that they are jealous when we succeed at their failures! It is sooooo true! My dh and his ex were in their sham of a 'marriage' for almost 7 years, but she walked out a total of 3 times, abandoned their daughter, cheated, brought another man into 'their' bed.... my dh kept taking her back because he is from a functional family and he wanted the same thing. Unfortunately he tried to live a normal life with a dysfunctional psychopath. Anyway, he kept taking her back and trying to make it work.... each time she begged him to take her back.... promised to change.... etc.
Well the last time (when she actually brought another man into their bed) dh told her to think long and hard about if this is what she really wanted..... and if she decided that she truly wanted out of the marriage then that was it.... there was no comming back this time.... and she left. She made her decision, and that was it.
So why is it that she can't live her own actions and her own decisions? Why does she now have to mess with us? She is now engaged (supposedly) but she is sleeping with another guy.... why can't she just move on? I know that its because she does not dh to be happy, she does not want to see dh succeed, she does not want dh to be better off than her. Even knowing all these things doesn't make it any easier to swallow. It is (in a sick way) comforting to know that I'm the only one in this situation.
theory I operate under
is the moreBM hates me the better I must be doing-hell v. heaven, goodv. bad all that stuff it has actually become lika a joke for DHs entire family(we live in a town where if you sneeze on one end of it the other end says bless you) that its affirmation that we make the right decision if she fights hard.
Thank you
it is sooo nice to know that I am not the only one in this situation. I talked to DH last night about my insecurites and he has informed me to relax he doesn't want her if he did he would never had married me and that I am his forever and he is mine. That I make him happier and feel better than anyone ever has or ever will. That felt so good to hear I knew he felt this way but it was really nice to hear him say it.
Live for today,you may not have a tommorow
In Our Case
It is all about power and control. BM wants to run her house and mine. When I first met DH she was calling from around the world making her demands and pretty basically intimidating DH with threats of court. I am in his life now and now she basically has no say so in what goes on in our household and she can't stand it. This woman needs to get a life. She chose to leave her children behind. She needs to realize she and she alone made the decisions that caused her not to be with the children.