About had it
So, I'm engaged wedding in a couple of weeks. Love and adore my stepdaughter who is 11, her mom is driving me so bonkers I'm ready to walk away. I'm self employed now, and apparently have all the free time in the world now according to her. Yes. It's a blessing to be flexible, but holy wow. My stepdaughter and I enjoy riding horses. I have my own horse, and am in the process of getting sd a replacement for her horse we had to out down. The barn we board at is a 20 minute drive north for us. Its summer now and sd will naturally want to go to barn on weekdays with me. BM lives in town about 15 minutes south of us and works Monday thru Friday. So, in order for sd to go I have to drive 15 minutes south to get her and an additional 25 minutes or so to go to barn. Then we get to repeat process to bring her back before mom gets home from work. We asked bm if she could once or twice week drop sd before work on some barn days when we dont have her. Omwow!! She calls fh and goes on and on with every excuse in book. Especially loved the "well, brg** doesn't work". Excuse me?? Same woman who every time she has a thought bubble. Texts, emails, calls fh , even if its not sd related. Even sd is catching on and its drives her nuts too. Fh thinks it's no big deal because this works. I'm about done with this crap. Any good advice? Again. I love my sd and want it to work for her sake, her and I have a wonderful relationship. I'd keep her all the time if I could.
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Stand your goround. SMs who
Stand your goround. SMs who dont have strong boundaries get used up, and your SD is old enough to understand that the world doesn't revolve around her. Tell your SO how it's going to be, and that you expect him to relay that to his ex.
All of this taking place
All of this taking place during BM's parenting time. Mom is already allowing her daughter to spend time with the OP during her time. Why should she also be expected to provide transportation for an OP activity?
If the OP doesn't want to do the extra driving, she should just tell the kid that they can only go riding during dad's custody time.
I don't agree with the no BM
I don't agree with the no BM talk-- I do almost all my planning and coordination with my kids SM. We are very friendly and get along well. It takes effort on both of your parts but if she is willing to be cordial with you, don't cut her off.
If the drive is something that is bothering you, like the others said, boundaries. Maybe you can agree that on Tuesday's you will do the full drive. But if she wants to go any other time BM has to agree to either drop her off before work or pick her up after work to save you that extra 30 min. on the road. Compromising is key for these things.
PS- If BM making excuses for not doing things like you want, and that makes you want to throw in the towel and not get married-- Please seriously consider if you actually want to be married to your SO. What you described, while I understand it's irritating, isn't relationship ending stuff. There are SM's on here who have been physically assaulted by BM's, by Skids, have had their homes vandalized, have had CPS called, have had all sorts of truely traumatic things happen. If this is giving you pause, it might be less BM drama and more you aren't ready to marry this guy. (Just from a chick who has been divorced 2x)
Mom should have made/provided
Mom should have made/provided any excuses. She should have just simply said no.
These trips to the barn, (that you want her to provide transportation for)are taking place during her time.
She is allowing her daughter to spend extra time with you during her parenting time. This shows that he acknowledges and respects the bond that you and the SD have. She may not be crazy about it, but she is allowing it to flourish.
She is basically allowing you to plan stuff during her parenting time.
Expecting her to help with the driving on top of that is a bit much.
SO and I do all the drop offs
SO and I do all the drop offs/pick ups, extra appointments etc. We were hoping since BM has no daycare while she is at work on her parenting time that she would compromise on a few days per month so SD isn't home alone. Somehow, dropping her off on occasion at our home which is halfway from her house to the barn so her own daughter is sitting home alone really shouldn't be that much. We are driving over 2 hours in order to provide pick up, and drop off so that SD can enjoy her time. BTW, we also pay for all horse related expenses for SD, this is SD dream to have a horse.
Well, who do you think should
Well, who do you think should pay for all SD's horse-related expenses?
You aren't seriously suggesting that BM pickup that tab, are you? You decided to do this for SD and BM is allowing it on her time. You don't have to acknowledge it, but that's a favor to you and a compromise on BM's part. Why can't you acknowledge that?
Yes, of course SD is delighted and you are delighted -- she gets a horse and you get a riding buddy. All BM gets is another chauffering obligation. She doesn't want to do this favor, even if it's what SD wants, and because it's a favor, you're in no position to expect her to do it. It might be nice if she did, but she's not obliged to do you a favor -- that's why it's called A FAVOR!
Guess it's super hard to
Guess it's super hard to drive your own child 1/2 hour a week so she's not home alone. She can't squeeze that in on her brand new motorcycle rides with the guy she cheated on my so with. She might put a couple extra miles on her brand new car that she bought with the alimony. You sound like a bitter old bat lady. It's not my kid, or day, but yet I'm willing to drive 2 hours so the kid isn't home alone, drive old piece of crap car so the kid can be in a sport, but you go girl.
If you cant continue giving
If you cant continue giving your SD lifts, then dont do it. Martyrs finish last, and driving your car into the ground isnt a good idea. Just be sure to explain to your SD that you can't afford to do it any longer, but that she's always welcome to ride with you.