Scubed I wanted to say one last thing and didn't want it to get lost
I know you said you only care about sd which is fine and I don;t expect you to care about the bm. However what you did in front of sd to her mom is disrespect and you did IN FRONT of sd. Which is going to cause you problems and she will not respect you as she seen and heard what yo9u did to her mom in front of her.
I am not saying your bm is in the right or a good mom but what I am saying is that you can control YOUR behavior and do things differently to get the same results. That is all everyone is trying to tell you. There ARE better ways to help your sd and make sure she has and does what she needs other then insulting her mom in front of her in HER home. yes it is her home regardless of who was paying as she is living there.
I also did not fail to see that you guys are working with sd on things however she is 13 and in 13 years she has watched others do certain things and i am sure she has picked up on somethings. Which is why I said it really falls on sd not her mom. As another poster said you can talk to sd and have her pack for herself and ask her to take a shower.
The point is that the bm is not going to change and you can't change her so why go in her house and do and say the things that you did in front of sd? there is a better way.
Like the example I gave you about my skids forgetting their swim trunks, I didn't blame their mom as they were told to her them themselves and the youngest was 11 at that time. I am big on self responsibly. The boys did call bm but bm told them same thing I did they had to figure it out. It taught them to make sure they had them the next time they came. That is teaching not punishing. And yes they pack for themselves as they are old enough to do so.
I am not trying to be mean I am only trying to help you get through this and let you know that if you continue to go down that path regardless if you were invited in or not she can have you removed whether you believe in thinking about the what ifs or not it can happen that is the reality. And reality is that if you do continue to do what you to bm in front of sd she will not respect you.
I am only trying to give you a glimpse into the future b/c girls are well they will protect their mom and if they see and hear what you did forget about ever having any kind of relationship with her.
I am not saying you should care about bm but you should care about how sd will react to what you did.
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ok no problem you can do what
ok no problem you can do what you want. I was just sayin. However if i were you I would stay in the drive way and not ever go in. I would also not engage with b bm b/c as I said she will not change and you just never know what will set her off and I would not even go there to give her that chance.
It doesn't matter if you or anyone else think what you did was disrespectful or not b/c clearly bm thought so and I just don;t understand why you put yourself in that position. that was all i was trying to convey to you. However like i said i am not telling or asking you to take bm';s feelings into account only that of sd and weather she was in another room or not she knows what happened. She is 13 a smart girl plus her bm will tell her how she felt that you disrespected her and she will put her own spin on that story.
I agree that it was
I agree that it was disrespectful. You shouldn't even be in the house...Just stay in the driveway. It is all about boundaries...This is going to get worse for you if you do not step back and let DH handle things. I have no communication with BM. One time in 6 years. That is it. I did not marry her and she did not marry me. She is his problem.
Purple this is basically the
Purple this is basically the message I was trying to get across to her, she's just to angry about the situation and thats fine, She sees nothing wrong with how she acted, most of us agree the mother isn't the best but that didn't give her the right to act the way she did, and to tell her that she will just attack whoever won't tell her she was right. I'm chalking it up to her just wanting to vent, I've been there and I just wish her the best being a step is not an easy task especially when you have a bm doing stuff to alienate the child.
Thanks for the input. Over
Thanks for the input. Over it. End of discussion.
^This speaks volumes.