I wouldn't worry as much about a career choice at 13 years old..lol. My YSD went through a plethora of options and the vast majority were unrealistic because they either required skills/interests she didn't have or money we didn't have..lol.

She was a decent student though... sometimes a bit lacking in motivation on her classwork, but smart enough and now is working full time and taking 4 college courses and also works a pt weekend job.. so maybe there is time.

My aunt and uncle, who are not poor, told both of my cousins that they weren't paying for fancy colleges for either of them, so they could go to local state schools - where they could get free tuition because my aunt teaches at one of them - or they could pay on their own or they could get a job. It's perfectly fine for parents to set boundaries over paying for college, particularly for children who are not diligent students. My parents decided that they would help me pay for college wherever I wanted to go, but told me that they were only willing to pay for four years. If I wasn't done in four years, I would have to pick up the full cost of any extra years.

I also agree with you that if a child decides not to go to college, that's fine, but they will get a full-time job. There's no lying about and doing nothing. I doubt either SS will chose to move in with us after high school. Not sure what BM will do when she can't demand child support - probably push them to go to college so she can keep collecting. DH will have to renegotiate any support providing after high school, so I will push to have him add that support is contingent upon good academic standing - meaning full course load and passing grades. I might also see if we can add language around finishing in four years or around support only being available for four years.

THIS absolutely.

I'm from Pennsylvania. My parents, who had savings, said they would pay for up to the cost of Penn State (assuming I kept above a 3.0 gpa) and anything else was on me. I was looking at a few schools, some expensive some not, and ended up choosing Temple University, which cost slightly less than Penn State. I graduated with no debt, a 3.4gpa, and multiple job offers and I was very very grateful.

Unfortunately, with DH's divorces and him being laid off, we don't have money to pay for SDstb18's college. I already told DH (and he agrees) that we will NOT be cosigning on loans, so SD better start looking at scholarships and state schools. We will see where she gets in and what kind of aid she gets.

If SD decides to go to Temple, she needs to live in the dorms for the first year (to gain life experience, make friends, etc) and then I'm OK with her living with us so long as she keeps her grades up and is respectful (she always is). After college, she knows the expectation is to be on her own and self supporting. She's a type 1 Diabetic, as many of you know, so I've been explaining to her how much insurance and her medication costs me, so she understands the need to get a job with good insurance. Even if she stays on my plan until 26, she WILL be paying me for the premiums and the medication post college (About $12,000 per year).