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DH didn't invite me out of fear of BM

quippers01's picture

DH sent me a text telling me the his friend's wife sent him a text telling him about their new baby's christening. I had already gone to bed when he sent this. These friends are friend's of H and BM so she will most likely be there. His text to me was not an invite but more like a notice of his plans. I looked at his phone this morning and the friend asked for our address so she could send an invite to US. H sent me the text telling me about it and them immediately texted the friend to say "it will only be me".

I know he did this because he's afraid it will upset BM if we show up together and I am livid about it. Does he really think I'm going to be ok with him going and spending the day with her after all the trouble he has put me through to keep her happy? I am raging right now. I don't know what to do. I really want to go wake DH up and rip into him. I'm so tired of this crap. Why is it so damn important for him to keep her happy?

I didn't want to go because I have no desire to be friends with BM's friends and all the drama that could cause but DH still should have left that up to me...afterall, the friends had no problem with me going and included me in the invite...spineless little coward.

Comments

quippers01's picture

He may but he has given me the ok to look at his phone anytime I want because he "has nothing to hide".

stepmom31's picture

Jus a bit on my own experience with this...

My DH gave me the ok to look at his phone anytime I wanted because he "has nothing to hide" and was still livid when I did look and confronted him with stuff that I found was completely inappropriate.

I'm pretty certain you may not even want to be at the event, but for your DH to not even give you a chance to decide for yourself - that's downright sneaky of him.

Eyes Wide Open's picture

I'd be agitated, too. But, then again, I really do not want to be at any social functions with his ass-backwards ex and any of her family members that just happen to be out of rehab! :0)

Let him go! Spend the day! Have a nice long look at where he could be if he didn't have you! If you are secure...you've got nothing to worry about! Besides, if you let him go and don't make a big deal out of it, he's going to wonder why YOU are all of a sudden so keen on his going and it might make him realize that he is not the only pony ride in town!

PoisonApples's picture

Oh, how awful.

You definitely need to confront him on this.

Like A.Deville said, he might turn it around on you for looking at his phone. Don't let him. If he was honest you wouldn't HAVE to look at his phone.

DaizyDuke's picture

NO NO NO! This is so immature!!!! Your DH needs to grow a set of balls! Why in God's name should he care about BM, her friends, or someone feeling uncomfortable at YOUR expense? That is just wrong!

When my exH and I divorced, we of course had alot of mutual friends. Alot of whom I knew were very uncomfortable feeling like they had to "pick sides" Most of them told me that they thought he was a jerk (he cheated on me) and felt bad for me etc., but remained friends with him as well as me and that's fine! I told them it was totally cool for them to be friends with both of us... why should they have to pick? That's seriously, like 3rd grade drama.

I am so angry for you right now!!! btw, I love your happy bunny... he is my favorite!! Wink

quippers01's picture

I don't "put up" with it. I always confront DH when he wrongs me. I am not capable of bottling up my feelings. The only thiong I can't decide is if I should wake him up with a cup of ice water over his head and confront him now or if I should wait until he wakes up when I may hopefully be a little calmer. But hey, thanks for assuming I don't stick up for myself because I'm venting here right now instead of in our bedroom screaming like a lunatic. Wink

quippers01's picture

See? I knew you could write a reasonable response if you really wanted to instead of always going for the throat and putting emotionally vulnerable people on the defensive. I was starting to think you were a sadist. Good for you! Progress is a beautiful thing.

mommylove's picture

"But I keep plugging in and I'm not going to stop because SOMEBODY is going to hear me. Maybe SOME ONE WOMAN will finally get it, and the rest can just keep on being just soooo offended all they want."

Yeah! I'm I AM that "SOME ONE WOMAN", so keep on plugging sueu2!

zenjetset's picture

I agree with the others, no way in hell would I feel this is acceptable. He should have a) asked you and waited for a reply prior to replying back to friend and b) if you don't go he shouldn't either. It shows unity.

If he goes you dont diesnt that look strange?! The only person who benefits from him being there without you is BM and god knows they don't need any more benefits or empowerment!

Urgh!!! I'm so pissed for you!!

purpledaisies's picture

Personally I would go. But I have to admit my dh wouldn;t go without me. Or we just wouldn;t go. Let us know how it goes and what he says to 'defend' himself.

quippers01's picture

There is no way in hell I'm going now that I know DH doesn't even want me there. There's a very good chance that after I confront him on this, he will choose to not go as well. Hell, they were invited to our wedding and didn't go so why should DH feel bad about not going to their events?

zenjetset's picture

I really dont like people who do that..invite you to their events to later not go to your event!!! One of my petpeeves. You either both go or no one goes!

Also sueu2 name say it all. Sue u 2!!! She is an ambulance chaser! lmao

purpledaisies's picture

I didn;t really mean that way. sorry I should clarify I meant it as a in general. I agree though if dh didn't want you there why go but at the same time why would he go without you????

quippers01's picture

Don't be sorry, I knew what you meant... As far as I can tell he's going because he feels he has to be there for his friends....don't ask me why, I have no idea. He is their first child's Godfather. They did not ask him to be this one's Godfather so I don't see any reason he should go to something that the mere thought of bringing me makes him this uncomfortable.

purpledaisies's picture

Sorry but whose feeling should he be not trying to hurt? Your or his friends or bm??? That should be a given! He should be thinking of you and not worry about anyone elses.