Ok. I'm 34, my gf is 28. We both have a child from previous relationships. My daughter is 8 and her son is 11. I have my daughter every other weekend and she has her son full time. We've been dating for about 5 yrs now and we recently got our first apt together in summer 2012....so the problem- my daughter is very immature n our kids typically don't get along. My daughter constantly whines and her son constantly bullys on her. I'm always mediating between them 2.....Although I do admit it has gotten slightly better over the past couple months. The kids still argue but not as much. It's almost tolerable now..ALMOST..but still unacceptable...and her son and I just do not get along. He constantly wants to argue with me. Regardless of the situation or what I say he wants to argue with me. He's a big boy- 11 yrs old, 5th grade, 165 lbs. n hes had a fairly unstable life which isnt his fault...hes actually 'stepped up' to me a couple times as if he wants to fight me when im yelling at him.... If I ask him to take the dog out, it's a huge fight. If I ask him to take the trash out its a huge fight, if I ask him to clean his room it's a huge fight, if I ask him if he wants to go out to eat, it's a fight...it doesn't matter what I say he wants to argue with me. I've actually punched a hole in our apt how upset this kid has gotten me....idk what to do. Dealing with your own kids issues is typically more tolerable. N since he's not my son I don't feel like I'm entitled to bust his butt when he fully deserves it. The kids dad has been in n out of his life n in n out of prison. His dad is currently out of jail n seems to finally be on the right track n actually takes my side n his dad busts the boys butt when it's needed. But the boy doesn't act up or talk back to his dad. The kid disrespects me n his mother n his grandparents n his aunts n uncles.. He doesn't talk back to his mom as much as he does me because his mom will pull a belt out. But he is still unacceptably disrespectful to her as well.

I'm not sure what to do with this whole situation. His mom wants me to propose to her. N I truly love her dearly but I just don't know if I can put up with her son 7 more yrs

Maybe it's my fault? When I first met the kid yrs ago I tried to be his buddy more than a parent figure. But over the yrs it's changed. And now he just fully disrespects me. It just doesn't seem to matter what I say or do the kid still wants to argue. N I can't picture my life w/o my gf but I also can't picture my life arguing with a disrespectful child everyday.... At this rate he's going to be throwing punches at me within a couple yrs. and his mom is really hinting that she needs more out of our relationship - she wants to get married. And I can't blame her...it's been 5 yrs of dating. And I wholeheartedly love her.

She knows there's issues with her son n she is actually considering bootcamp for him. I hate to say all of this but because I'm not a bad person. But I find myself disliking this kid more n more everyday. I've never in my life have had anyone ever disrespect me as much as he does. And I have the kid in my custody often. I'm a federal employee and I typically work from home 8 to 4pm. His mom works at a casino n has odd hours. And she doesn't allow the boy to go with his father very often because of his fathers past....so I have the boy more than anyone....which puts me in a horrible spot because the boy n I just do not get along n it's not getting any better. I can't bring myself to propose to my gf with this ongoing issue. I'm afraid she is going to leave me since I won't propose. I just don't know what to do. The doctor put the boy on adderall but it seems to have little effect. His attitude is the same he just doesn't eat as much as used to. And I'm quite sure the boy can't stand me as well.

Sorry for the long rant. His mom is well aware of the issue n does best to handel it n she works so many hrs, n we've tried talking to the boy, we've tried yelling at the boy, we've tried whooping the boy, weve tried taking away electrinics from the boy...we've tried a lot n nothing changes. is this normal? is this fair to my daughter? Because in all honesty I almost prefer my daughter being at her moms house more than mine n I absolutely hate saying that but it's true. Shes happier there n doesnt have to fight with ppl there. n i love my daughter with all my heart n she doesn't disrespect me. but i prefer her being at her moms because when my daughter is here that equates to even more fights between my daughter n her son n me. N its not fair but its true n probably selfish on my part. N my gf won't admit but I know she isn't a big fan of my daughter..It was another exhausting nite arguing with the boy last nite n this had been on my mind all morning. Hopefully someone can provide me some good advise or insight from past experience. I'm just tired