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Wisdom from MiddleMom "Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:11am

MiddleMom,

Your signature line is absolutely correct. My wife and I have had exactly three fights.

1) The Skid and the SpermClan.

We have argued over a variety of issues in this category but the fights are always exactly the same.

2. Housework.

I hate it. She hates it. Neither of us is willing to be consistent. I fixed it by hiring a cleaning service and taking the laundry to the cleaner.

3) Her family.

These people have an incredible ability never make a good decision. Even if I wrote the answer on a 2X4 and beat them over the head with it they could not make a good decision. My wife will vent and vent and vent about her parents and sibs. Things are fine until I agree with her and step out of listening mode. Then all hell breaks loose.

What fights does everyone else repeat with their SOs?

Best regards,

Comments

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 4:39pm

delete

evangeline's picture

Submitted by evangeline on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:19am

skids is the thing we argue about 90% of the time. Same arguments, going around in circles.

Any other time we argue is because he or I are hungry, tired or whatever so we are extra sensitive. lol

I am so tired of going around in circles with the skids argument that I am going to organise a psychologist for us to go to so we can discuss this with someone unbiased because he doesnt listen to me because he knows I dont like them much at all but that doesnt mean Im not telling the truth but there you go. So am sick of not being heard.

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:52am

We don't really ever fight. But the moments of tension we have are always about BM. Generally we both agree she's being a tw*t, but we don't always agree on what to do about it.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 7:23am

My wife and I have the same situation frequently.

We agree on the issue but not the resolution. The arguement phase usually starts with my wife saying "and what am I supposed to do about it?".

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 7:31am

Our only argument is consistency and fairness in the house, mainly in regards to discipline between his and my kids.
______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 7:34am

1.Fairness in discipline
2.Frizz and her jacked-upness
3.MIL

We finally put an end to these fights though. put them to rest and came to an understanding of sorts. I have a feeling we won't be fighting against each other about these things anymore...we'll probably bitch to each other about it but we'll stick together rather than letting it pull us in opposite directions.

____________________________________________________________________________
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

Snowflake's picture

Submitted by Snowflake on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 8:27am

We argue about his darned ex's scheduling issues. She will try to make her emergencies our emergencies. I think even her own darned family is tired of it.

1. So we argue about the evil little troll who lives under a bridge

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 8:29am

Dh and I only ever fight about Creature's attitude. Not her behavior so much, but the attitude behind the behavior.

"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 8:42am

Cleaning cleaning cleaning! (which really is about his lack of consistency but it manifests as cleaning).

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 8:51am

Our top 3 fights:

1. My dogs v. His kids. Sometimes DH will compare the responsibilities he has with his kids to the responsibilities of having dogs. It drives me crazy because I know he's using this analogy because I'm childless. I say its apples and oranges, he says its apples and apples. After 6 years of being together it's just stupid to use this comparison.

2. His parents. When they're in town they stay with DH's sibling and want us to visit them there. DH will b*tch about this for hours on end.

3. My mom's neediness. I will b*tch about this and he occasionally he tells me off.

~BettyRay
________________________________________________________________
"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 8:56am

The parent fights are funny, huh? Dh and I don't really fight about either of our parents because he agrees that his family butts in where they don't belong and are slobs. I vent about it for a minute and it passes, unless they really get on my case, in which case dh tells them to eff off.

My mom is difficult and dh will occasionally mention the tension she sometimes creates (she is much better than she used to be). My response is "I deal with your baggage every day, you can deal with my mother for a weekend)

"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 10:12am

Yes, parent fights are funny.

We recently had a weekend where we had skids, his parents were in town and my mom was "needing" our help. Needless to say DH and I were both unhappy - LOL.

DH's parents kept calling every couple of hours with - "when are you coming over here?"

My mom called each day with some wierd request - she's having surgery in a couple of weeks and keeps coming up with stuff that "needs" to get done at her place before the surgery.

To top it off, SS13 was running a high fever.

Well DH's parents wouldn't stop by because of SS13's fever, and we didn't want to infect DH's nephew at his sibling's house so we never did see them. But they kept calling and DH was ready to kill them. He got more p*ssed with each call. I was sick of his bad attitude and went off.

My mom has the best timing. She calls and "needs" another thing done right in the middle of our fight. I bark out no to her hang up and mutter about how mom always "needs" something. Well he went off on me.

We ended up being tired and angry for most of the weekend but eventually made up. Wink

It was just one of those really wierd weekends where everything that could go wrong did.

BettyRay
________________________________________________________________
"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 10:21am

I love that he is pissed because of HIS parents and you are pissed because of YOUR mom and not the other way around.

"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 11:17am

I know, that's why it's totally stupid that we were fighting in the first place.

~BettyRay
________________________________________________________________
"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

Nemo's picture

Submitted by Nemo on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:28am

1.) SD

Becasue of how she acts, like everyone is supposed to bow down to her.

2.) His disrespecting me infront of his PEOPLE

He acts like a different person all together when we are around his PEOPLE

3.) BM

Because I see a problem with 99.9% of the shit she does, and he doesn't.

HeavenLeigh

****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 10:14am

We fight about SD. Period.

We do have other occasional squabbles about housework, money, and his hobbies consuming all of his spare time, but those are easy to resolve and move on from. SD fights never get resolved and nobody moves on.

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 11:34am

Our repeated arguments are...

1. What's for dinner (I HATE deciding)
2. What's for lunch (I hate deciding that too!)

I dunno, ever since I gave up trying to "fix" BM, our fights have pretty much STOPPED. That was our main argument, and I finally pulled my head out, so... we are good now.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

KittyKat's picture

Submitted by KittyKat on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:11pm

Hey, Rags, great blog BTW

Same fight over and over again:

1. He is obsessed with the fact that my daughter is an A student (she's graduating this year, has a track scholarship, lots of great friends) and that she is "bad" that she doesn't keep her room neat all the time. She's so busy with extracurriculars that she is rarely here.

2. His daughters (30, 31, 26) are whiny poor-choice makers, one is a two-time felon (DWI); his ex-wife dumped him when those girls were TEENS, neither he nor she paid any attention to ANY OF THEM; ergo, they ARE not happy adults. Please see 3

3. I've gone to visit colleges with my daughter, I go to her school events (I never ask him to go in that I would be "controlling" him and telling him what to do....what if it's a beautiful day and he wants to go GOLFING??? Now I know what his daughters went thru....) Maybe if THEY as PARENTS would have stopped SQUABBLING and would have done those things, his daughters wouldn't be so ANGRY!!!

4. Not sure how much longer I can put up with all the negative. The GOOD thing now is that his daughters finally have a wonderful relationship with their OWN mom....I have NO problem with her whatsoever in that she didn't fight HARDER to see the girls when they were teens and he basically brainwashed them against her.

Life is GOOD. Life is GREAT. I choose to focus on the POSITIVE in my life and not someone else's ongoing NEGATIVE!!

You rock Rags,
Kat

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt