FIRST OVERNIGHT STAY
I've been lurking and figuring out all of the abbreviations, I think I'm getting it! 
BM agreed to allow SD5 to stay over with us for the first time last weekend. I thought it was way to soon. We have only met her twice. BM apparantly had a friend in need out of town, so she presented the idea to DH. I was a nervous wreck. I put away some of my valuables and breakable items. DH wasn't very happy with me. I tried to explain to him that I am not a mom, I don't know what to do with a 5 year old little girl in my home, and making sure my stuff didn't get broken made me feel better...
The vist was ok. She is a very quiet little girl. She did a lot of observing. I cooked us a normal DH/rajuncajun meal and I guess it wasn't exactly kid friendly. DH later explained that kids don't like foods that look weird... oops. Bath time was awkward. DH didn't want to make her uncomfortable by giving her a bath, so he asked me to do it. Maybe he was attempting to force some bonding here, who knows. I let her wear her bathing suit... I think she was as relieved as I was. DH and I usually sit out on the balcony on Saturday mornings, drink coffee and chat. He kept staring into the loft, looking to see if she was awake. It was weird for me because this is usually a time I really enjoy with DH. It was weird. BM picked her up Sunday afternoon.
DH and BM and the lawyers agreed that every other weekend was a good place to start. It's not final yet, but I think that's what is going to happen.
I got DH to back down on buying a house and leaving the city for now. I did mention maybe eventually keeping the loft and buying a house, and he liked that idea. Also got him to agree to counseling. I had a very long heart to heart with him and explained that raising a child wasn't in my plans, but that I was open and willing to try. DH was thrilled, I didn't realize he was terrified that I might leave. We love each other, and we are new at this and I'm going to give it a try.
Any suggestions for things to do with a 5 year old girl for the next visit? We did go to the zoo this past weekend. DH and I are both outdoors people, she doesn't seem to be to interested in bikes, or kits, or playing outside...
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Comments
Children's museums are always
Children's museums are always great, and they are a good place to see what she is into since they have a large variety of things to do. Look into kid movies playing too, my kids are 4 & 6 and the movies are always a big treat (of course that is one of the few times I let them have soda!). Are the any theme parks around you?
I think it is really great what you are doing, and I think you are handling it really well! Be proud of yourself, you survived your first SM weekend!!
ps- just keep frozen chicken nuggets and easy mac around the house
if she doesn't like what you made you have a 10 min easy fix for her dinner!
Thanks for the tip! I
Thanks for the tip! I completely failed on the first meal... you live and learn right?
I'm a little curious, why did
I'm a little curious, why did it take 5 years to find out he had a kids? I guess I don't really need to know the answer. But I am really interested in how the introduction was handled. How is your SD handling finding out about her dad? is she exited to find out? I understand her being a nervous as you! Don't worry, she'll come out of her shell.
If she's not too outdoorsy yet, maybe she's artistic. Try some kid crafts with her. But if you too are outside people, try chalk on the sidewalk and jump roping and bubbles. Going to the park was the most fun around age 5 because we didn't have to follow SD around for safety reasons anymore, but we could chase her around. Keep at it, you'll find common ground when she opens up!
The BM just came forward a
The BM just came forward a little over a month ago. He had a one night stand with her 5 years earlier. We did the paternity test and my husband has a daughter... surprise!
Thanks for the ideas. I'm taking notes!
I would ask her what does she
I would ask her what does she like to do. As far as the outdoor activities, her mom may not be exposing her to a lot of these. I would continue to find outdoor activities that you and DH enjoy that you can include SD in. She may just need to get used to doing new things and chances are, she'll discover that she too enjoys it.
I wish your family the best!
The only thing on that list
The only thing on that list my SD will eat is pb&j. Lucky me. I get the one kid who won't eat an easy lunch. The kid doesn't like anything. every damn meal is a power struggle. She'll love something one day and the following week complain about it.
Sorry for the tangent, but I disagree with making "kid friendly" food. Kids eat what they're expected to eat. My 14 month old eats calamari, chipotle sauce, mushrooms, zucchinni, and just about everything else I put in front of him.
I agree with you, smdh,
I agree with you, smdh, although that's probably easier when you have them from birth rather than getting them at age 5...still, kids will not starve to death if there is food there.
I didn't meet mine till they were 17, and my God, they are developmentally delayed when it comes to food...no seafood, very few vegetables, it makes me nuts. And I refuse to serve them Hot Pockets
True. I inherited sd when she
True. I inherited sd when she was 2. She ate fine the, until BM & SMIL started putting "she doesn't need yo eat that" in her head.
"She'll love something one
"She'll love something one day and the following week complain about it."
My SKIDS do this to me on purpose.
One weekend SS10 LOVES, LOVES, LOVES the sausages I bought. So I make sure I buy more the next weekend. He refuses to eat them. Why? "Because I hate them." I say, "Well, you LOVED them last weekend."
What response do I get?
I get the tongue stuck out at me and a shit-ass look.
So one day I just looked at them and said, "Fine. You win. Want to know what your prize is?"
They looked shocked and said, "What?"
I said, "I will no longer bother to grocery shop or cook food for you. You two think it's funny to jerk me around, when all I'm trying to do is make sure you have foods that you like when you come here. But I am not interested in being jerked around. Have it your way."
And I no longer grocery shop or cook for them. I shop for me, DH and BS16. I will cook something for myself (and only enough for myself) and eat it front of them. I enjoy every bite.
If they are eyeing something that I bought for my son, I flat-out tell them that it's for BS16, not for them. Then I remind them how they jerked me around about the foods they will, or will not eat, and that I no longer shop for them. Then I instruct them to talk to their father if there is a food they would like.
I have yet to see their father step foot in a grocery store.
So yeah...