I'm trying not to post and dash but
I have a meeting at 12:30 and this was my first time chance to post. My mom and dad came over last night to wait with me and my dad is 100% on dhs side on this. He said somethings that made me change my mind somewhat. I am not happy with dh but i can see where he is coming from. The tests are done so there is nothing i can do about it but move on. The money though is completely different. We talked with my parents when he got home with our kids and he isn't willing to put a budget on attorney's fees. As a matter of fact right now he has a private dectective looking into new daddys background. My mom said give it a few days and try to talk to him again. Bm hasn't cashed this months child support check from dh and he is freaking out because he thinks it will make him look bad. We are pretty sure new daddy is paying child support. Dh is trying to set up child support through the state now. I want my old life back. This is crazy.
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I'm with you... That is
I'm with you... That is crazy.
I think it's perfectly possible for you to understand where DH is coming from and still maintain self respect and boundaries. It really saddens me that he is doing this to your relationship. I don't blame him for being upset as hell, but I do feel anger about how he has treated you. Glad the kiddos are back.
How is your husband able to
How is your husband able to afford a private detective? He sure is spending a lot of money on his paranoia. Didn't you say he suspected all along that SS was not biologically his? Now that the truth is out he's trying to destroy your credibility and honor as a wife and now the bio fathers too. He's acting like a crazy person. Please protect yourself, your finances and your children.
It's not paranoia. BM has
It's not paranoia.
BM has made it perfectly clear she intends to remove his ability to see the child.
He's accusing his wife,
He's accusing his wife, questioning the parentage of his own children and the hiring a detective to investigate bio father. If he wants to go on a tirade against anyone it should be BM, the one who's lied to him and the child for over a decade. Sadly he's going to destroy his entire life if he keeps going down this path.
He and BM never had court
He and BM never had court ordered child support? He's still a douche for taking the kids out of daycare without telling you! Then stroking his ego by still giving them a DNA test. I do not envy you.
Also, if SS is 15, why spend so much money on fighting BM when he's ageing out soon anyway? If I read correctly, the bio dad said he'd still expect DH to have visitation time. Maybe I'm mistaken.
According to her first blog
According to her first blog post SS is 10, not 15.
Oh ok maybe I confused
Oh ok maybe I confused posters.
I thought I saw 15 somewhere,
I thought I saw 15 somewhere, too, but remember being surprised that a young kid could be so lippy. 10 is more understandable.
A warning. Even if new daddy
A warning.
Even if new daddy does take over child support. Until it is through a court your DH is still responsible. Even if he gives her a check and she doesn't cash it she could come back later and demand the money then. Until the court says he doesn't have to pay he still does. Even with the DNA test done.
Go talk to a divorce
Go talk to a divorce attorney. DNA test is one thing, but you do not have to go down the path of financial ruin with him. Your kids need one sane parent at the moment to protect at least some of their future.
Please follow this advice,
Please follow this advice, Ramblin.
Yes, it is absolutely time to
Yes, it is absolutely time to protect yourself financially. Doing that does not preclude eventually reconciling with your H. Once he calms down he should understand that you were protecting the interests of yourself and your shared children. If he doesn’t understand that someday, there is no hope here anyway.
It's not paranoia. BM has
It's not paranoia. BM has made it perfectly clear she intends to remove his ability to see the child.
BM does not have the last say.
OP's husband has been this boy's father, legally and emotionally, for 10 years. He needs to research similar cases and his rights in his state, before going off half cocked, doing stupid crap, and wasting money. A judge is not necessarily going to just sever his ties with the boy.
He's had 2 months to think, calm down, and make a plan of action but he's just willing to dig a financial hole before he knows what he's really up against.
Or, at least that's what it seems. I'm sure we don't know all of the details but cashing out the equity in the house and refinancing seems a little premature.
Has he even been notified by the bio dad's lawyer? Been served? Anything?
In the meantime, definitely protect yourself, nobody else is going to.
The very sad out come of this
The very sad out come of this is going to be what most SMs on here have so much experience with.
Biodad is going to sweep in, spend a ton of cash on the kid, give him everything he wants in an attempt to buy the childs love.
OPs DH is going to be the Nonfamily who raised him, loved him, supported him emotionally and financially.
DH is going to be left in the dust for the REAL DAD. It won't matter what he's done for him or that he treated him as his own child. Sadly none of it will matter in the end.
Huh. Sounds like the
Huh. Sounds like the predicament of many SMs.
...and he's probably going to
...and he's probably going to lose his wife and kids in the process. Not the most emotionally intelligent fellow, is he?
Sorry everyone, it was a
Sorry everyone, it was a long meeting. Dh has not been served and he is still seeing ss on his weekends. New daddy is going to sue for every other weekend and after a year he wants 50/50. There is no way to do that with dh in the picture. New daddy has said he still wants dh to be a part of ss's life but he is ready to be dad to his son. He has made it very clear to dh he is going to be ss's dad and dh isn't. New daddy has lots of money which is why dh is freaking out and gathering his funds now. Ss is 10.
At this point, new daddy is
At this point, new daddy is nobody. Your DH is the father of this child in the eyes of the law (and until proven, in the courtroom differently).
So why is he even speaking to new daddy? If new daddy has anything to say new daddy can say it to DH's lawyer.
Doesn't matter if BM cashes CS checks or not, as long as DH has proof he sent them.
When DH went and met with lawyer, did you attend with DH. IMO, I think you speaking with and understanding what your DH's case and chances are and chances of what could be helpful to you in where you stand in all this.
If you then disagree with the route you're DH is taking , it makes sense to hire your own lawyer for your own needs and protection (safeguard your finances, possible divorce).
Being you keep looking to your mother for advice and guidance of late, I'm thinking perhaps you may need to consult with a lawyer for yourself. Moms are great for emotional support, but if you need (which to me, I believe you need) legal advice perhaps Mom can help you afford one.
Your husband needs to consult
Your husband needs to consult with a variety of local family law lawyers to get a realistic picture of his position. If you can gontoo then you can find out what is happening. Hopefully he will find out that his case is a lot stronger than he seems to think and he doesn’t have to spend so much money to keep his rights.
^^^This^^^ You're DH needs to
^^^This^^^
You're DH needs to hear the hard legal facts from as many professionals as possible. You're just the wife (and a deceitful whore a.t.m., right?), so he's not going to entertain any logic from you.
In many states, "father" is determined by the relationship that exists between the child and the man who raised him rather than biology. Of course, that's for financial reasons in cases where a man discovers he's been cuckolded and wants nothing further to do with the lying wife or the kid. Family courts want to make sure someone is on the hook for support $$$. Has anyone on this board ever heard of a mother being held accountable for paternity fraud? I wish...
The ugly truth is that BM will likely be able to alienate your DH right out of the boy's life while your DH stills pays cs. I'm so sorry you and your kids are being affected by the disgraceful machinations of that woman.
Please keep updating us.