Last night
Thank you for those that tried to desyfer *sp? my post from last night. Some sort of emotinal vodoo came over me and random things were going thru my mind lol. as much as i would like to pretend its done and over with - it just proves i still have some things to comminicate with my guy about. kids, actually having conversations with me vs one sentence replies, and what ever else im not too thrilled about.
i got uoset last night for a couple different reasons that made sense at the time - almost like a dream where you cant explain it but you know it. we recently laid floors down in the guest room/office and had a bunch of stuff to move into ss room - his room is next to be redone, and i just thought it was pointless to move everything BACK into the guest room for the weekend just to move it again. i am wanting to go thru everything and put it where it needs to go - some of that stuff hasnt been gone thru in years, and i dont want to go thru it and try to organize it when its piled up in the guest room. i understand why my guy wants his som to have a room / space of his own - but when ss isnt going to use it this weeekend for anything but sleeping and changing, i found it dumb to make this much of an effort for a weekend.
yes i have issues with dealing in the fact that i dont have a little one of my own, i do want one and i know that right now isnt a good time. I KNOW but - when i get in this mood and realize it may never happen, i get pretty emotional. We have to go thru steps that i never thought i would have to go thru in order to have a kid - this was the one thing i never wanted to plan, but with my guy, it is. I dont like the thought that his son will be ''my'' only son/kid. he isnt a bad kid, just annoying and lacking in manners, but non the less. i know i need to talk to my guy but its difficult when the only response it 'one day baby, i promise,' and i know he means it but i want to go into this discussion. i am a planner, goal setter - he is a go with the flow, lets see what happens kind of guy. honestly if he were any different i dont think he would balance me (for every other aspect of our relationship). i just want to win the lotto lol like everyone else, pay off the house, cars, have a simple wedding and go visit the baby dr. (and thats why i know its not a good time for a little one, lack of money). but still!! lol
SS8 just left for practice and i get to work. later on were going to see my mom and hopefully get home to find my guy on the couch. 
- RandomOne's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Well it WAS hard to
Well it WAS hard to understand your posts, lol. I didn't realize that you meant you had redone floors and y'all had moved everything out and were moving it all back in for SS for one weekend, and then had to move it all back out again. I get it now though, and yes that probably would be annoying, knowing you had to move it all right back out again and still have to go through everything and etc. I guess the only thing I can think of as to 'why' your guy felt the need to put it all back for SS is that maybe, being as he only gets the skid some weekends, is he wanted to make sure his son knew that he cared and that he is providing for him. I would think that for divorced, non-custodial parents that love their kids and do not get to interact with them on a daily basis, or have any real control over their kids daily lives, would want to control everything they could when they did get to have their kid, even if its something as redundant as moving furniture/belongings in and out and in and out for the kid to use. I'm sure that the SS wouldn't of really cared if it was temporary anyway. I do think it is good to give Skids in general their own space though. I'm sure its not always possible, but doing what you can as their parent during visitation probably means more than not doing anything, kids need to fell wanted and loved regardless of how often they get to be with their non-custodial bios. JMHO.
Regarding you wanting your own kids, that's sooooo understandable. I 'couldn't' wait to have kids. My DH knew from very early on that that was an absolute must for me, to have children. He also wanted to have more kids, especially as he has always been a family-oriented guy and SDs had been basically moved as far away as allowed by CO, and not to mention PAS from BM. However, he 'could' wait, and we did wait. He wanted to be married first, that was not optional for him at all. He said no way was he marrying again cuz of a pregnancy or having a baby, even if we were planning to marry anyway, and he did not want anyone to ever doubt we were married first because we chose to be and not for a kid. He was right, and we did it his way. The point is, if you are open and honest about wanting a kid, you have that right. If your guy says he does also but wont even have a serious conversation about it, I would wonder why. You should figure out how long you would be willing to wait, and if this relationship is worth it, and give yourself a long-term plan (as in, "5 years from now I want us to be married, living in X, and starting our family") If you are 100% open and honest, and your guy agrees, then I wouldn't keep worrying/talking about it. If you are so hyper-focused on what you want later, your life in the present will not be as full and you will miss out on life, not to mention drive your guy nuts with constant talking/begging/whatever. Maybe touch base with him a few times a year to see if you're both on the same page, and if it looks like it's not going to happen, you may have to rethink if you are willing to miss out on your dreams and sacrifice for him. Again, JMHO.
I didnt think about that
I didnt think about that point - of him wanting to make the best for his son when he is here. I do understand him needing space, but before we had this house we were in a 2 bed room apartment we couldnt afford. that room was empty 90% of the time we were there :/. No use looking back tho. When I went to my dad's eow, i slept on the couch. Only when he got with his now wife did i have my own space, and honestly i didnt care lol (i guess i was used to the previos arrangements).
My guy did make a point to say he wanted to get married before we had kids - but it honestly feels like we are already married lol taking care of the house, bills, family events, etc.... i just dont want the ring for the kid, you know - i want him to want to ask me. we already know we want to get married, he even mentions some songs he wants played at the reception lol - but its hard to take one step at a time. The point about focusing on the future and not now was a really good one. its just easy to get lost in day dreaming and wanting everything NOW that your feet cant catch up.
Thank you for taking the time to read my crazyness, your advice/words really helped me