My husband and I have been married for over two years. He has two teenagers 17 & 16. I have three 11, 7 & 5.
There have been ALL sorts of issues, which are totally normal behavioral things for kids. But this is where things veer off course.
My husband and I don't agree on how to parent his children. He wants to tell me how to parent mine. And I let him have a lot of input. But he is downright mean to them sometimes, he yells. A lot.
He's gotten physical with my eleven year old.
But if I even suggest that his teenage son not be allowed to smoke in the yard - he just blows me off.
I get the really strong feeling that his son thinks I am just a B*tch that they have to put up with. He doesn't make eye contact. He eats, is rude during dinner and gets up without a thanks. The other day I just exploded at my husband because he allows total disrespect. I am appalled at the way he allows them to speak to HIM and me both. His daughter is now graduated from high school and has a summer job. She still thinks her money is just for what she wants to spend it on. She wants him to reimburse her for her new contact lenses.
WE ARE POOR! I work part-time and get child support for my three - so actually end up bringing in MORE than 50% financially - but I feel like if I say anything about how much she asks for that I am just perceived as the mean step-mom. He pays for her cell phone too.

How do I not judge him for being so weak with his own children and not tolerating a bit from the three smaller kids. I feel like he is just a bully. And I have decided that I don't CARE if they think I am a B*tch. Things need to change.
So we have been going to counseling. He doesn't like being told he is being a bad father. But he is acting like a total WIMP! I don't say that to him. I did say that I don't want to lose respect for him, but that I have bad feelings about the way he is raising his children. This is supposed to be starting a new life, but I just feel like I can't wait for him to be done with his old family so he can be present for this new one he BEGGED for. He is afraid to set up any structure for his son because he just resists. And I have tried to tell him that's what kids do. They test.
But he just doesn't want to deal with it. So he avoids it.
I went from being really involved in the beginning, to slowly backing away...
Plus, I get really weird energy from the BM. She is a total flake, lets the kids drink and smoke and come and go whenever they want. No accountability. No wonder they love it at her house and think I am the "B" word.
And the worst part is sometimes I think my husband actually agrees with his children.
I need advice on how to survive this!