Curious how others view this little blended family hiccup
So, today it occurred to me to think about FDH''s and my wills. We are planning on getting married next year, and will obviously need to change our wills accordingly. He has a SD9, I have no kids, but plan on having one or two with him. My thought is that my will will split my assets amongst MY kids only. SD will inherit from her mom and part from her dad. It got me to wondering how you all deal with this somewhat sticky situation. I have substantially more assets than SD's bio mom. Does this make it okay for FDH to account more for SD than for our future kid(s). How does this work?
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It really depends. My assests
It really depends.
My assests will be split between my children (they are my dh's) only. It specifically disallows my stepchildren from getting anything, even personal property.
dh's is tricky. If he dies without me everything goes to me and I will handle the kid's financial needs as I see fit. He trusts me to do so.
If we die together, our children get almost all of it. That's because his are 18.17. and 13. We have a 1 year old and 1 on the way. My sister will take ours, but that is a large financial burden for many years. The portion for the stepkids is split equally then between the 18 and the 13 year old. The 17 year old does not get any. We also have it so none of the children get anything unless they get a degree, go to trade school, or join the military for at least 4 years. We don't believe in giving free handouts- which is why the 17 year old will not receive anything.
I will say it is a hard
I will say it is a hard choice either way- there are SO many variables. Neither of us want to see bm with anything because the kids will not receive anything, it will be "her" money in her eyes. It's so tricky with so many personal variables.
Yeah. We talked about that
Yeah. We talked about that factor already. SD is the beneficiary on his life insurance policy, but we're putting it in trust and making me the trustee. If BM got her hands on it, she'd pay off her mortgage & personal debt before SD got a dime. Sad.
This is how we're handling it
This is how we're handling it also - everything goes into a trust and I am the trustee for FDH's kids. Regardless of what happens to FDH, I will still want to be a part of SS5 and SS8's lives. Pretty much the only way we can make sure that happens and that whatshername doesn't cutoff all contact is if I'm controlling the assets. And there's no way that there would be anything for them if she had control. She would continue her "early retirement" (she's 43) and live off the assets meant for the boys.
If she dies before him (not that I would ever hope for something like that, but....) I would be guardian of the boys until they're 18.
No, I have no obligation to do this, but I do not have children, we are not planning to have children, and for the most part when his kids are with us, I am raising them like they are my children. If their father dies, why should they lose both of us? And if FDH dies, why should I lose the entire "family" I've had up to that point. I really doubt that I would be able to just walk away from the boys and just move on. Not saying I'd never remarry, but I can't see just walking away from them.
If I resigned or declined to
If I resigned or declined to act, one of FDH's friends would take over. We both work in finance (he actually works in the trust department of a bank and I did for several years), prior to that I worked at a law firm that did a lot of trust and estate work. We both understand the implications of what we're doing and in our case, it makes the most sense.
I like the idea that there
I like the idea that there are no free rides. SD9 can be pretty lazy. Still hoping she "grows out of it". Lol
Yep, it's looking like all of
Yep, it's looking like all of dh's older kids are going to be like that. But that's the same for my kids and what my dad did for us and I'm glad he did. Just getting through college, military, etc. matures you a bit. I wouldn't want to have been handed a large sum of money without being mature enough to handle it.
Blue belle, you make an
Blue belle, you make an excellent point. And I'm a lawyer, so I should know better. Perhaps it's a job better suited for one of his sisters. But definitely not BM!