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The ultimatum

redheaded_stepmom's picture

Submitted by redheaded_stepmom on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 1:34am

So, I talked to my SD14 when she got home from school and told her that she has an option. Either she can come clean with her father on her own or I will do it for her. I'm trying to get her to take responsibility for her actions. She is not speaking to me now, and I'm sure she HATES me. Typical teenage reaction to not getting their way. She doesn't want to be like BM, but she acts just like her all the time. I'm trying to get her to learn the difference between the way BM acts and the way she wants to be. BM never takes responsibility for anything, it's always someone elses fault or we're not seeing the whole picture. I guess there's more to nature vs. nurture than we know. I don't understand how she could be so much like BM when she never spends any time with her unless it is programmed into her genes. I have given her until tonight to come clean with BD. If not, I will be telling him tonight. I'm not going to be the hypocrit and stand there telling her to stop lying and keeping secrets and turn around and do the very thing I'm telling her not to do. I told her that. She is terrified of her BD reaction. She doesn't want to hear the lecture she is going to get. I'm not sure what his reaction is going to be other than angry that his little angel is yet again being a dishonest little brat. We'll see what happens. I'll be back with an update for sure.

Comments

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 5:19am

I agree with you with the whole nurture v. nature thing. My son is the same way. He swears up and down he doesn't want to be like his father, yet everything he does is exactly what his father would do. Everything is always someone else's fault. Drives me up a wall!!

Good luck!!
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 7:50am

But on the flip side of nature vs. nurture.

My BF is the calmest, low keyed person I have ever met. He does get upset but can take a whole lot before he gets mad. He is quiet, respects other persons possessions.

Skids on the other hand....are loud, have no respect for ppl or things. Blames their problems on everyone else. They got absolutely nothing from BF and everythiing from BM.

redheaded_stepmom's picture

Submitted by redheaded_stepmom on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 8:06am

That's exactly what I'm talking about...SD14 gets everything from her BM...she acts like her, she talks like her, she's even starting to look more like as she gets older. She is becoming all the things she constantly complains about in her BM. She is irresponsible, inconsiderate, rude, untrustworthy, and dishonest. I can't believe I am saying those things about this young woman that I love so much and want to help be the best possible version of herself that she can, but it's the truth. She is so maniputlative, just like her BM, and that makes it hard for BD to see the whole picture. He doesn't want to admit that his little girl is not perfect. He's starting to come around to it a bit now, but it's been a long time coming. My DH is very calm, laid back, understanding, loyal, honest, and trusting. But when it comes to his daughter, it's a hard pill for him to swallow when I tell him almost every day about something she has said of done that I do not approve of. I hate to say it, but sometimes I wish he would just get to the point where he has had ENOUGH and send her back to live with BM for the rest of her high school career. I know that's not the best place for her, but seriously, let BM have all the "fun" for a while.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 8:49am

Good luck RH_SM - I'm curious as to how it turns out tonight!! Definitely keep us posted!

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

TattooQT's picture

Submitted by TattooQT on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 5:01pm

I definitely know what it is like to deal with a lying step kid. God knows it is difficult. On one hand you want them to have some reason for it, like they are crying out for help or something. On the other hand you are pissed off about the lying. It is disrespectful and to a certain degree an act of betrayal.

Good for you for giving her the option to come clean on her own. I would have told her dad the whole story and about how she asked me to lie to cover her butt. You should start mentally and emotionally preparing yourself right now for the fall out. Be prepared for her to sulk around, say and do mean things to you and generally just be mean and hurtful. As least that is what my SD15 would do.

Good luck. Keep us posted as to how it's going.